The Landlord Page #6

MOTHER, YOUR COMMITTEE

IS WAIVING COCKTAILS.

I THINK THINGS ARE

FALLING APART.

OH, MY GOD!

ELGAR, I'M SO GLAD

YOU CAME.

YEAH, HI, SUSU.

HOW ARE YOU?

THIS IS LANIE.

THIS IS MY SISTER

SUSAN.

DIVINE.

HELLO.

ELGAR, PETER'S HERE.

HE'S MARVELOUS,

AND HE'S DYING

TO SEE YOU.

WHERE THE HELL IS HE?

ELGAR.

HEY, WILLIAM JR.

WE'RE LOOKING

FOR OSCAR.

HAVE YOU SEEN:

OSCAR?

THE ONE WHO:

CARRIES THE FLAG.

I DON'T KNOW AN OSCAR.

LISTEN, I WANT YOU

TO MEET--

DORIS, I WANT YOU TO--

ELGAR.

OH, YES.

SCOTCH AND SODA:

ON THE ROCKS.

YOU WANT SOMETHING?

ELGAR, IT'S PETER!

PETER BO JANGLES COON.

OH. DO A LITTLE

DANCE FOR US.

AND YOU'RE

SHIRLEY TEMPLE,

RIGHT?

YEAH,

I'M SHIRLEY TEMPLE.

ELGAR, PETER AND I

ARE ENGAGED.

OH, CONGRATULATIONS.

PETER--

SUSAN.

SUSAN, STOP THA EXHIBITION.

[SUSAN]

WE'RE GOING OU FOR A SMOKE.

ENJOY YOURSELVES.

DAD. DAD!

DAD?

HUH?

I WANT YOU:

TO MEET LANIE.

THIS IS MY FATHER.

HOW DO YOU DO?

HOW DO YOU DO?

ISN'T THAT A GREA COSTUME HE'S GOT ON?

THANK YOU.

UH, YOURS, TOO.

WELL, BEFORE YOU

GET TOO DRUNK,

I WANT TO TALK:

TO YOU.

IF YOU'LL

EXCUSE US, DEAR.

CERTAINLY.

WE'LL FIND A PLACE

WITH LESS NOISE.

DAD, WAIT A SECOND.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

NO, NO, COME ON--

I TOOK A DRIVE:

PAST THAT HOUSE OF YOURS

IN THAT DREADFUL SLUM,

AND UPON INVESTIGATING

YOUR RENT RECORDS--

IF YOU CAN CALL THEM

RECORDS--

I DISCOVERED:

THAT YOU, UH...

GET NO REN FROM THOSE HOODLUMS.

YEAH, DAD. I, UH--

THERE'S ONE SUBLE THAT GOES UNDER

THE DUBIOUS TITLE

OF THE CUMBERSONS

WHO HASN'T PAID REN IN OVER A YEAR.

THEY'RE AN ELDERLY

COUPLE.

THEY HAVE NO FUNDS,

NO RELATIONS--

SON, I THINK YOU

HAVEN'T GOT THE GUTS

TO ASK THEM:

FOR THE RENT.

THEY'RE TOO OLD

AND SICK TO EVEN

COME OUTSIDE, DAD.

IS THAT SO?

YEAH.

ARE YOU SURE:

YOU'RE NOT JUST AFRAID?

I MEAN, IN CASE

YOU ASK THEM:

FOR SOME OF:

THAT BACK RENT,

MAYBE TWO MONTHS' WORTH,

THAT THEY MIGHT NOT RIO AND BURN THAT ROACH TRAP

DOWN?

ALL RIGHT, DAD.

LET'S SEE

HOW HEARTLESS:

YOU CAN REALLY BE.

YOU'RE SO TOUGH,

RIGHT?

YOU LISTEN:

TO THAT OLD MAN'S

POOR, PATHETIC VOICE

AND DEMAND MONEY

FROM HIM.

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE

A CIVILIZED CONVERSATION

ABOUT THE ISSUES

OF THIS DISGUSTING

BUSINESS VENTURE.

THERE'S GOT TO BE

LAW AND ORDER.

NOW SIT DOWN.

NO, I'M NO GOING TO SIT DOWN,

GENERAL, UH...

W-WHATEVER THE HELL

YOUR NAME IS:

WITH YOUR FRUIT SALAD

AND EVERYTHING.

MARGE? WILL YOU TRY

AND GET MR. CUMBERSON

TO THE PHONE, PLEASE?

I'M--

WHAT?

OH, NO, NO!

ARE THEY DEAD?

OH, HOLY SH*T.

UH...

YEAH.

I'LL BE RIGHT OVER.

SON OF A--

HEY, DID THE JOIN BURN DOWN?

HEY, MAN...

FOR YOUR TROUBLES.

MARGE?

HI, SUGAR.

WHAT HAPPENED:

TO, UH, THE...

WELL, I--I THINK

THE CUMBERSONS:

GOT A NEW LEASE:

ON LIFE:

OR SOMETHING,

AND THEY'RE GONE. THEY--

THE RADIATORS.

WHERE ARE THE RADIATORS?

YOU DIDN'T WAN THOSE OLD RADIATORS

ANYHOW.

A JUNKMAN CAN GET YOU

PLENTY OF RADIATORS.

OH, BEAUTIFUL.

THEY TOOK THE STOVE!

THAT--THAT--

W-WHY NOT?

WHY NOT TAKE:

THE STOVE?

PLACE LOOKS LIKE

A DAMN TOMB.

I JUST CAME OU THE CAN...AGAIN.

I BEEN FIGHTING:

THE MAN OUT HERE

IN THE STREETS:

SINCE I WAS 7.

I CAME OU THE HOUSE AND

SMELLED PAINT.

HE'S FIXING

HIS PLACE.

HE'S FIXING

HIS PLACE:

IN A PLACE:

WHERE THERE'S

POOR PEOPLE:

SITTING OUT HERE

IN THE STREET.

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS]

TA-DA!

HI.

UH-UH! NO, NO, NO!

STAY THERE. STAY THERE.

I HAVE GO A SURPRISE FOR YOU.

LISTEN, HONEY,

LET ME TURN THIS

DOWN A SMIDGEN.

YEAH. COME ON,

WHAT YOU GOT THERE?

HOW DO YOU LIKE:

THAT?

OH, YEAH!

THAT'S WILD.

RECOGNIZE ANYBODY?

AND I GO SOMETHING ELSE.

IT'S LITTLE,

BUT KIND OF SPECIAL.

I HOPE YOU LIKE IT.

OH, GEE, HON,

I CAN'T GET OVER EVERYTHING.

I REALLY CAN'T.

IT'S LIKE

I TOLD YOU--

A LITTLE PAIN AND SOME CURTAINS

AND...

WELL...

A FEW THOUSAND:

DOLLARS.

AND YOU GOT YOURSELF

A REAL NICE PLACE.

HEY, YOU DIDN'T EVEN

OPEN UP MY GIFT.

IT'S AN EGG!

THAT'S RIGHT.

UH...COULD

YOU TELL ME:

WHERE I MIGH FIND MR. ENDERS?

THE LANDLORD LIVES

IN THE BASEMENT,

LADY.

HI, MOTHER.

HOW ARE YOU?

COME ON IN.

ELGAR, I WANT THIS

ENTIRE POVERTY PROGRAM

THAT YOU'RE ON DROPPED.

UH, MOTHER, YOU--

NO, NO. I WANT YOU

OUT OF HERE:

WITHIN THE WEEK.

MOTHER, YOU WILL

NOT WALK INTO MY HOUSE

AND ORDER ME ABOUT.

AND ANOTHER THING--

TELL THAT MARGE:

UPSTAIRS:

I WANT MY CHARGER

PLATE BACK.

WHAT CHARGER PLATE?

DON'T YOU

CHARGER PLATE ME.

THAT'S MY DRAPERY

MATERIAL!

SHE'S OUTFITTED

THE ENTIRE:

PLANTATION.

MOTHER,

DON'T CALL THIS

A PLANTATION.

YOU DUMB CLUCK.

WHAT?

YOU REALLY AREN' CONCERNED, ARE YOU,

THAT YOU WALKED:

BOLDLY:

INTO THE:

SPINAL MENINGITIS

SUMMER FESTIVAL BALL

AT WHICH I BEGGED

YOU--

I BEGGED YOU TO COME

IN A COSTUME:

OF A DEAD:

AMERICAN HERO!

WELL, SUSU CAME DRESSED

AS SHIRLEY TEMPLE.

SUSU DID NOT COME

AS SHIRLEY TEMPLE.

SHE CAME AS:

LITTLE EVA!

ALL RIGHT.

I'M NOT GOING TO

ARGUE WITH YOU.

I'M NOT GOING TO

ARGUE WITH YOU.

LOOK AT YOU.

LOOK AT YOU.

WHY DON'T YOU

CUT YOUR HAIR?

ELGAR, YOU LOOK

LIKE A FLOOZY.

MOTHER, IN ABOU TWO SECONDS,

I'M GOING TO

REALLY LOSE:

MY TEMPER,

AND I'M GOING TO

THROW YOUR ASS:

OUT OF HERE.

O.K.,

WHAT'S THE MATTER

WITH YOU NOW?

NOTHING.

DON'T PAY ANY ATTENTION.

GO RIGHT ON:

WITH WHAT YOU WERE SAYING.

MMM.

JOYCE, IF YOUR HEAR DOESN'T ATTACK YOU

IN A FEW MINUTES,

I WILL.

ATTACK ME?

WHAT--DO YOU MEAN--

DO YOU MEAN:

SEXUALLY, YOU PERVERT?

I'M YOUR MOTHER!

O.K., LADY, GO ON.

OUT! GET OUT!

WHAT HAVE THEY DONE

TO YOU?

WHAT HAVE THEY DONE

TO ME?

I'LL TELL YOU WHA THEY'VE DONE TO ME,

MOTHER.

FOR ONE THING, AS I'M SURE

YOU'VE ALREADY NOTICED,

I'VE RUN AWAY FROM HOME!

I'M 29 YEARS OLD,

AND I HAVE RUN AWAY

FROM HOME.

DOESN'T THA STRIKE YOU AS BEING

JUST A LITTLE SICK?

YOU--YOU--

ELGAR WINTHROP:

JULIUS ENDERS,

YOU NO LONGER:

HAVE A MOTHER.

THANKS.

DO YOU THINK:

THE LADY:

COULD EXCUSE US:

FOR A MINUTE,

LANDLORD?

WHAT FOR?

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

EXCEDRIN HEADACHE

NUMBER ONE.

LAY YOUR KINKY,

WOOLLY HEAD:

ON YOUR MAMMY'S BREAST

AAH!

COPEE?

COPEE,

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

TRYING TO FILL OU THIS APPLICATION,

GO DOWNTOWN:

AND GET SOME MONEY

FOR THE WHITE LANDLORD.

COPEE,

I GOT TO TALK TO YOU.

WHAT?

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

WHAT'S THE MATTER,

BABY?

HA HA HA HA.

COPEE, I'M PREGNANT.

YOU'RE WHAT?

I'M PREGNANT.

I TOLD YOU:

DON'T COME TO ME

LIKE THAT.

WHAT IS IT WE CAN DO?

WHAT IS I CAN WE DO ABOUT IT?

YOU GOING TO HAVE A BABY

IN HOW MANY MONTHS?

HOW MANY MONTHS, BABY?

HMM?

HOW MANY MONTHS:

PREGNANT ARE YOU?

COPEE, IT AIN' YOUR BABY.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN

IT'S NOT MY BABY?

IT JUST AIN'T YOUR BABY,

HONEY.

YOU MEAN TO TELL ME

THAT SOMEBODY ELSE

HAS BEEN SLEEPING

IN MY BED:

WHILE I'M GONE?

I'LL BE GODDAMNED!

WHAT DO YOU WAN TO DO THAT FOR?

WHO WAS IT?

FANNY?

OH, LEAVE ME ALONE!

I SAID WHO WAS IT?

ANSWER ME!

WHOSE BABY IS IT?

WHOSE BABY IS IT?

WHOSE BABY IS IT?

[MUFFLED YELLING]

COPEE!

COPEE!

AAH!

COPEE, DON'T!

YOU LITTLE B*TCH!

NO! MAMA! MAMA!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes