The Last Man Page #3

---

during the Civil War--

No, it was Dempsey. 'Cause of the way

he'd pound guys into the mat.

They'd all yell,

"Flap 'em, Jack!"

Flap 'em?

You mean,

"Flatten them, Jack"?

No, "Flap 'em."

You know,

with your flaps.

Plus, their faces

looked like pancakes after.

Ouch!

Hey, work detail

in 20 minutes.

That's enough blueberry.

Next up...

boysenberry.

Man, this ain't bad!

Well, I'm country good,

and I'm city fast

I'm ready-made

and built to last

Just a local unarmed guard

you've come to find

Skyscraper low

and backwoods high

I'm standing still

and floating by

Defending to my death

what always was

I'm defending to my death

what always was

I'm defending to my death

what always was.

I just think

it's a little silly.

We eat every day.

Why such a big deal tonight,

filming the whole thing,

and with this costume ball?

Sarah:

Come on, I think it's sweet.

We spent the whole afternoon

fixing the place up.

- He just wants to celebrate.

- Invitations, Sarah?

Is this Gilligan's Island?

- Sarah:
Have a little fun.

- I know how to have fun, okay?

Woo-hoo!

That's fun!

This is just show-offy.

( oriental music playing )

- Alan:
Wow.

- Sarah:
Check it out, Alan.

Raphael:
Pull up a pillow

and take a load off.

Sarah:
Oh my God.

I cannot believe this.

This is amazing.

I may have misjudged

the situation.

I have a very peaceful nature,

but Raphael is getting on my nerves,

telling these stupid stories

every two seconds,

and all this other childish crap.

He's changing everything.

And Sarah!

Acting like it's funny, as though

she could be charmed by him.

You think I'm crazy?

Here, I'll show you something.

I'll go now

to a direct video feed.

This is us,

just having dinner.

Raphael:
...And I finally realized,

that was no stuffed rabbit.

And those weren't raisins.

Wait, that doesn't make

any sense.

Raphael and Sarah:

Chee chaw!

Alan:
What is this "chee chaw" stuff?

What does it mean?

It's like some little

"inside" thing.

When did they get the time

to work out inside jokes?

Did I ever tell you

about the time

when I set

my own broken wrist?

Yeah, the other day.

Well, I set it with bark.

I almost sprained

my ankle up there too.

You've got to be careful,

because with a sprained ankle,

out in the woods,

it's worse than appendicitis.

- Why?

- With a bad appendix, you've a chance.

But with a sprained ankle,

you get caught out there,

you just lay there

till you get found by animals.

That's ridiculous.

You could make crutches

out of tree trunks and hobble out!

- Sarah:
God.

- That's ridiculous.

You could make crutches

out of tree trunks and hobble out.

But if your appendix bursts,

you'd be finished.

But how will you find tree trunks

if you can't walk?

You crawl around

on your back

and you chop them down.

You chop them down

on your back?

Yeah, you lay there

and you chop them.

It'll take a while,

but you've got time.

Alan:
Did you see the way

she jumped in there

and defended him like that?

And watch this...

It's not like it's

the end of the world or anything.

Alan:

Look at her body position.

She was fully standing,

completely stable,

and yet he holds on!

And now look...

See that?! See that?!

A-ha!

See? Something is not right.

I can't understand what's going

through Sarah's head.

What could she be thinking?

Something's not right.

Sarah:
I wanted to talk

to you a little about...

the way you handle things

in life--

relationships--

because there's--

Alan, please!

What I wanted

was to warn you...

about people like me.

It's Michael.

We used to go out.

He was a great guy.

He was crazy about me.

He's dead now.

I feel like I--

I killed him

a little bit first...

by sleeping with his friend.

I did the same kind of thing

to my old roommate, Sharon.

And...

a few other people.

I have some problems.

I'm a very...

weak person.

That's why

I'm being punished.

But I can't be alone.

I'm scared about Alan.

itjust...

doesn't feel right with him.

You know how he is.

And physically, it's just--

I keep hoping

my feelings will change,

but it's so hard.

I know if he finds out,

he'll leave me alone,

but I've got

to do things right this time.

I have to try

to find other people.

I've got to try

to find other people--

( loud music playing )

Alan:
Okay.

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking I shouldn't be

installing these cameras,

but if people are going to have secrets,

I have a right to know,

because when you have secrets,

there is no detachment.

And without detachment,

you have a planet full of dead people.

So, things must be watched,

until all these secrets

can be flushed out.

And only then can we have open,

honest behavior--

Raphael:

What are you doing?

Nothing...

- just a little Chetabi work.

- Thank you for that disco ball.

- It looks great in Rancho Raphael.

- Sure, sure.

How about a relaxation break?

- I'll really have to catch up.

- Come on. Come on.

I want to talk to you

about something.

So, you had something

on your mind?

I was thinking about

how we're really alone.

You mean, philosophically?

No, I mean... how there aren't

any other people.

Uh-huh.

And I realized

we might have some problems.

In what ways?

I mean, like together.

With you, me and Sarah.

Yeah?

I was kind of concerned, because

there's this back and forth thing

going on between

Sarah and me...

and I didn't want to mess up

anything you guys have got.

You were together first...

and I don't want to interfere

like some homewrecker.

Oh...

I understand how you feel.

'Cause I know how you try

to be spiritual,

but it seemed like you might have

slipped and gotjealous.

Oh no...

that's just

a little flu thing that I had.

No, no, there's no problem.

Sarah and I have...

a solid understanding.

I'm not possessive of her.

We're above all that.

When you follow a spiritual framework,

there's no jealousy anymore.

- You might want to do some reading.

- Thanks.

Raphey's not really a bad guy.

Bright even, in a way.

Just a little confused, but

you have to give people a break.

And Sarah, I sensed

that she was going stir-crazy,

but she just needed to meet a new

person, get it out of her system.

Raphael has taken her out

for a picnic to set things straight.

I guess

he'll let her down easy.

She'll be fine.

Then, everything will be

back to normal again.

It'll be good.

It's 7:
30.

They aren't back yet.

It could be kind of a late,

dinnery picnic.

There's no rule that says

picnic has to be lunch.

Besides,

they have a lot to talk about.

It's fine.

Okay, it's 1 1 :
00.

and that does not concern me

from any standpoint

other than a safety concern,

which is why I am routinely

checking the area

in case of an accident.

It's 4:
30

in the f***ing morning!

Where are they?!

I should have gone!

I'm such a fool!

"Give people a break"!

Forget that!

That is canceled!

( sniffing )

- Raphael:
Want some?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes