The Last Man Page #4

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- Sarah:
No.

Raphael:

There's plenty more.

So what are you going

to tell Mr. Magoo?

- Leave him alone.

- Sorry.

Didn't mean nothing.

Come here.

Come on, Mary Ann...

come here.

Come here.

Morning.

Got to use the bathroom.

Kind of a crazy night.

Who would have figured?

I guess I really

didn't know I was...

in love.

I kind of owe it to you.

I wouldn't have made a move

hadn't you okayed it...

by telling me you were

non-possessive and all.

So, thanks.

I see my mistake now.

Trying to be a nice guy.

Even the Chetabi were prepared

for the battle against nature.

"When the hunter goes against

the bull cricket or the tree weevil,

hands are fair game.

But against the lion

or the viper,

he knows to add

claws and fangs."

This guy doesn't have

anything over me.

We're going to turn

this puppy around.

Well, I'm a lovesick fool

I graduated

from Heartbreak school

I do the best that I can

But then I see you

with another man

You know it's hurting me

Yeah, you're pretending

that you just don't see

How can you be so cruel

To a lovesick fool?

Well, I do, I do,

I do, I do, I do, I do

I love you, baby

Well, I do

and I do and I do

And I don't mean, baby

I've got

some lovesick blues

I got this loneliness

that I can't lose

I can't sleep at night

I miss you, baby,

with all my mind

I try to pass you by

But when I look at you...

( Raphael cheers )

Raphael:

Come on! Come on!

Come on!

Come on, Big Al.

Come on, jump on!

Carnival rides.

I can't compete with that.

This isn't me.

This is stupid!

See, this is what happens

when you go against

everything you know

and you give in

to your petty thoughts.

You guys must be

pretty disgusted.

Beat them

at their own game, pff!

- Raphael:
Come on, baby. Give me that.

- ( Sarah laughs )

Raphael:
Come on!

Beat them with your strengths!

That's what you do!

Okay, I may not be Mr. Cool guy,

but I'm pretty smart, and

that guy's practically a moron.

Sarah's got to see that.

So out of everybody, she brushed me

with the ostrich feather,

and she's like the God

of the Ashram.

Everyone there said there were

divine reasons for the whole thing.

I tried to get her out

for a beer to discuss it,

but they don't drink.

So I sat down and

I wrote a haiku about it.

That's a special Japanese poem.

It almost won an award.

- You want to hear it?

- Sure.

All right.

"One lone man got brushed

Then in a bar, he got flushed

Had to call a cab."

See, it's tricky.

You can only use 1 7 syllables.

Five, then seven,

then five, exactly.

It took me a couple of hours

to shave it down.

Wow, that is tricky.

So...

another one might be:

"He went for knowledge

Instead, he got good and drunk

Is nothing sacred?"

Yeah.

I guess that works out

to 1 7 syllables.

That's fun. Hey, wait.

How about this one:

"They heard his stories

He swore they were true always

Still, one never knows."

Raphael:
Yeah.

Wait, wait, wait.

"The man stumbled off

It happens to sore losers

They can't take the heat."

1 7 again!

What?

You think this impresses me?

- Humiliating him like that?

- Just making up poems.

It's cruel.

And it's beneath you.

Alan:
Well,

that really backfired.

If I lose my mind

You'll be the first one

I would find...

The following weeks became

a somewhat dark period for me.

...The last thing

I would see...

I guess you just have to accept

when things don't go your way.

...If I lose my head

You'll be the first one

out of there...

Plus, I realized

they were great together.

But then, after many,

many nights alone in my trailer,

I realized something else.

There's no other women!

And besides,

she liked me first,

and he's just a reckless fool.

Things just need

to be made clear.

The Chetabi also say,

"With a helping hand, the snake

will bite its own tail."

All I have to do...

is wait.

Would you stop?

Did you take something?

Just a little wake-me-up.

Good morning.

- Hey.

- Good morning.

Mmm...

Is that chicory?

No.

Listen.

I just want to let bygones be bygones.

What do you say?

- Of course, Alan.

- Sure.

Great.

Woo-hoo!

- Come on, guys. Get in.

- It's too cold for me.

Come on, get in.

Raphael:
Hey...

I want to play a little joke.

Let see how long

I can hold my breath.

Come on. Don't mess around.

It's not funny.

- I'll time you.

- You're on.

All right. One...

two... three.

Where is he at?

Come on, you won.

You're the champ.

Raphael, come on.

Alan, look for him.

Sarah:
My God! Alan,

help him! Help him!

Alan:
I can't see where he went.

It's too dark.

Raphael!

- Alan, find him!

- Alan:
I can't see him!

- Gotcha!

- Son of a b*tch!

F***ing moron!

Sorry. It was a joke.

I'm not a goddamn moron!

Alan:
Come on, Sarah.

Come on.

That's part of his charm.

He doesn't mean any harm.

I know, but it can cause harm.

You can't be unreliable

in these circumstances.

Look, we can catch any mistakes

that he makes.

Come on, it's not like

he's a drug addict or something.

Yeah. Anyway, tell him

I expect an apology.

Of course.

It's no biggie. She said

she's a little overtired

and it's probably best

to let it go.

- You think?

- Yeah, man.

Just be yourself.

That'll snap her out of it.

Good advice. Okay.

Raphael:
Hey...

you think I can go off the chair

and make it?

Go for it.

Do your gripper.

Dinner.

Woo! 44 to zip, and still

champion of the world:

Raphael!

Let's mix this up.

( cars honking )

Candied yams. All right!

So I was thinking about putting

a whole dirt bike course.

It'd be cool,

with jumps and everything.

- What do you think, Al?

- I love dirt racing.

Relax.

It's not fun to be

the last people on Earth lately.

It's not supposed to be fun.

- What does that mean?

- We have responsibilities.

We should contribute something.

Alan has his research,

and I want to do something

instead of sitting around all day.

What do you want to do?

Well... I was thinking

about a memorial...

to good people who never got noticed

'cause everybody died so fast.

I had this idea how to do it.

With balloons,

each one carrying a little pouch

with somebody's story in it.

And they could just scatter everywhere

for somebody to find someday.

- You could help me write them.

- Okay.

Yeah, that's cool.

I could even put them in a net

that would release with a charge.

We could have a launch ceremony

right in the middle of the camp.

Okay.

But we'll release them

from the ridge.

Gee, it's kind of high.

I said the ridge!

It'll be beautiful.

Okay, we're secure.

I've just got

to pack the cap.

I checked my notes.

I think I worked out

to 54 grams.

Yeah, that's what it says.

Raphael:
Okay...

Done deal.

- Sarah:
Are we all set?

- Raphael:
Yep.

Hello.

Today is a very special day,

because we are honoring those

who contributed to our world,

but went unrecognized.

I'm speaking

of those people I knew

who contributed to our world

and made things better in a small way.

and many others whose stories

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