The Last Straight Man Page #6

Repeat

Dick.

So you want to

come and be abnormal?

Coop?

Are you there?

[sniffling]

What's wrong?

I wanted to see you, Lewis.

I really did.

I miss you.

I'm so f***ing stupid.

Hey, hey-

Don't worry about it.

I try to do the right thing.

But then, I talk to

you and, suddenly,

you're the right thing.

Well why, Why don't

you come over then?

And it's still early.

Sh*t.

I'd like to.

I really would.

But I can't.

I already have plans at home.

Sorry.

It's OK, really.

You miss a year.

So there's always next year.

Isn't there?

We'll see.

I gotta run.

Love you, Lewis.

Love you, Coop.

[music playing]

Well here we are, sir.

Yes, I know.

I come here every year.

Oh, you must really

like our hotel.

It has its charms.

Would you like me to take

the bag to the bedroom, sir?

Uh, no.

No, thanks.

Uh, um.

Very well, sir.

I'll just leave it right here.

Great.

This is for you.

Thank you, sir.

Enjoy your stay.

I always do.

So how've you been?

Fine.

Yourself?

Can't complain.

How's business?

Very good.

I just hired four new guys.

That's great.

Take your shoes

and socks off, Lewis.

Get comfortable.

Kids doing well?

OK.

What's all this about?

What do you mean?

You've been here

for five minutes.

Normally, by now, my legs

would be over your shoulders.

And you'd be screaming

rap lyrics into my face.

This isn't the type

of behavior I've

come to expect from the man

that seduced me eight years ago.

Well now, that's a

whale of a tale, cowboy.

You seduced me.

And don't you forget it.

Figured that out, did you?

I guess you are the smart one.

Dick.

On the other hand, maybe

you're not so smart after all.

Here's a hot guy--

Reasonably attractive.

Don't kid yourself.

Hot guy lying naked

in bed, all for you,

and you don't seem interested.

Oh, I'm interested.

I brought a new toy.

I saw.

I figured we could play

Arizona interrogation.

In a minute, maybe.

Just follow the 8O proof road.

You have come a

long way, haven't you?

Three steps forward.

And you're two steps back.

It never used to be this hard to

get you in between the sheets.

But the last few years--

are you bored with me?

No.

Then, what is it?

Things are different now.

F*** it.

All right.

Handcuff me.

Yes, sir.

No, I call you sir.

You got it.

I assume there's a key?

Over there.

Hey!

Get rid of that stupid thing.

Mood buster.

That's bronco buster.

Did you bring condoms, partner?

No.

Well, how are we gonna--

I don't want to use them.

What?

I don't want to

use them this time.

I don't know.

Come on, Lewis.

Please.

[Sigh]

Where's the lube?

I am rinsed, and

buttered, and ready to play.

Now ride me like a

teacup at Disneyland.

F***.

Have you got bigger?

Maybe.

You sure haven't gotten tighter.

F*** you.

[heavy breathing]

Talk to me, sir.

Do you like it?

You're the best, Coop.

The best I've ever had.

How's it feel?

Great!

Awesome.

You like my cock in your ass?

Oh, I love it, sir.

I love it.

I love you.

Say that again.

I love your cock in my ass.

Don't!

Don't you kiss me like that.

Like what?

A distraction.

You kissed me to change the

subject, you little bastard.

Looks like playtime is over.

Lewis, can you

take these cuffs off?

Lewis.

Listen, Lewis, let me go!

Where do you see

us in 'I0 years, Coop?

Still meeting here in

this room every 'I2 months?

Why not?

Things change.

Like what?

I call three questions.

Damn.

I'm invoking.

Ask.

Question one.

You say things are different

now, that things changed.

We've been messing

around for years.

Messing around.

What's different?

I have a boyfriend now.

So.

So?

So?

You've got the balls to say so?

How many times over

the last eight years

have I heard you moan

regrets like a Tennessee

Williams heroine?

Oh, I'm cheating on my Wife.

Oh, I feel so guilty.

Oh.

Now f*** me.

I have a boyfriend now.

I'd think you'd feel

a little empathy.

But that's different.

And just how is

that different?

Wife and children.

Rock solid relationship.

Not like a boyfriend.

Why?

Is it abnormal?

Of course not!

It's just unbalanced.

A boyfriend is not the same

level of commitment as a wife.

Oh because gay

relationships aren't

as valid as straight

relationships.

No!

I mean, yes.

What I mean is, if you had

said girlfriend instead

of boyfriend, other than

wondering Whether I was living

in a parallel

universe, I would have

had the exact same reaction.

Boyfriends is little

winks when you

think that nobody's looking.

It's a quick hand job

at the movie theater.

Wives is, meatloaf again?

Is there gas in my car?

Or can you not scratch your

balls when my mother is home?

That's all I meant.

Yeah but, whenever you had

doubts, I threaded that needle.

Think you could do the same?

You always said that it

shouldn't matter to me.

So then, why should

it matter to you?

That's another question.

My turn.

Question one.

Have you slept with

any men other than me?

You asked me that years ago.

Well you've had a lot of

time for that answer to change.

Well?

No.

OK, question two.

Why--

Wait, Wait, Wait, Wait.

I feel like there

should be more to that.

There isn't, Lewis.

The answer is no.

All right?

Question two.

You say that it shouldn't

matter that I cheat on my Wife.

Why then should it matter that

you cheat on your boyfriend?

It's different.

He's sick.

Do you mean?

Ah, sh*t, Lewis!

How could you do that?

How could you be with somebody

who could give you something?

What about the year

you gave me crabs?

They weren't crabs!

They were lice!

The wife got them from

the kids at school.

It's acceptable.

I don't know.

I'm not the one

scratching my balls

in front of my mother in law.

Turn off your scanner, Coop.

You're safe.

I wouldn't have done

what we just did unless I

was 100% absolutely sure.

But there's a risk.

Sex is risky, Coop.

Always.

What's his name?

New boyfriend.

- That's another question.

Just, just answer it.

Bernie.

His name is Bernie.

OK, my turn.

Question two.

Have you ever thought

of leaving your wife?

Yes.

Uh, elaborate please.

I answered your question.

Not to my satisfaction.

That's not a

requirement of the game.

Fine.

Question three.

No, no, no.

It's my turn!

Yeah, yeah.

After this.

Question three.

Why am I the only guy

you've ever had sex with?

There's got to be one or two

other guys more attractive

than I am out there.

Maybe I like the smart ones.

Seriously.

Lewis, I've always felt that

there was a spark between us.

I don't know.

I can't explain it.

Something about

you has always made

my skin tingle when We touch.

My heart pounds when I

think about you naked.

Every expression on your face

is chiseled into my memory.

I don't know why.

It just is.

And you are the only man

that's made me feel like that!

So am l 93V?

Am I bisexual?

If I was, wouldn't I feel

like that for another man?

I don't!

Just you!

Only you.

But you said you loved me.

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