The Last Time Page #5

- Please, don't fire me. | - Nobody is firing anybody!

- All right. Don't fire me. | - Calm down.

- I'm not firing you. Easy. | - Please.

Okay, okay.

Hey, I got something that is gonna make | you feel a whole lot better, all right?

What?

Now, I'm not even supposed to be | talking about this.

But this little baby is gonna make | our jobs a hell of a lot easier.

- Is that what I think it is? | - Yes.

And I want you around | when we launch that puppy.

- Okay. All right. | - Okay?

- So remember. | - Yeah?

When you're faced with a difficult task, | you act like you cannot fail.

- Okay? | - Yeah.

When you're going out after Moby Dick, | you take along the tarter sauce.

- Right? | - Yeah.

- You got it? Good. | - Got it.

They can show up with... | What are they called? Like, little bags

and little yoga mats.

You know what? This is where | Eugene O'Neill used to come and write.

- Really? | - Yep.

In fact, they said he finished | the Long Day's Journey into Night here.

Oh, shoot.

F***.

- It's the office. I gotta take this. | - No, you don't.

- Yeah, I do. | - No, you don't.

Okay, you're right. You're right.

A salesman is not a salesman | when he's not selling.

Did you get him?

I'm serious. That means something.

- Why'd you say eww? | - 'Cause I didn't want to look at that.

- I told you this was more fun than working. | - Oh, man.

The way my sales are going, | I'm going to avoid the office at all cost.

I'm sure a bit of that is my fault.

I'm a big boy. I can make my own decisions.

- I know. Yeah. | - Yeah.

The Picture of Dorian Gray.

This was one of my favorite books | in college.

Really?

I taught that every semester.

- You did? | - Yeah.

God, I haven't read this in years.

So do you think we pay for our sins now, | or later, like Dorian?

Actually, I think the real issue is | whether or not we recognize the damage

our sins are doing to our souls | before it's too late,

if you want to know the truth.

I'm not sure I agree | with that interpretation, Professor.

Really? | Then you would have failed my class.

You'd hit me with a ruler?

If that's what you needed.

You ever think about going back?

It's not that easy.

Why not?

Because, you know... | Because to, you know...

To teach, I mean, to truly inspire,

you have to pour your soul out to a student.

You have to water each one like it's | the last surviving plant in the garden.

All teachers should be like that.

What happens if you run out of water?

I understand that it's tough out there.

And that is why you have to | forget about the business outlook

and you have to be | on the outlook for business.

We have reached DEFCON 1.

We are not meeting our self-imposed,

and I might add, mutually agreed | upon goals for this quarter.

What the f*** is he talking about?

And our time is ticking away.

Tick, tick, tick, tick.

Tick, tick, tick, tick. Tick.

Tick, tick, tick, tick. Tick.

Motherf***er!

I know what you're thinking. | You don't want to do it.

I don't? 'Cause he's been acting | like a f***ing lunatic.

You know, I hate to see anybody struggle,

but sometimes | there is no success like failure.

Besides, the way things are going | around here,

I'm gonna have to let somebody go | pretty soon.

Look, John, | you're the guy who hired Jaime. Right?

Yeah.

Okay, well, this company laid out | a great deal of cash to uproot him.

They've got moving costs, | you gotta find him a house,

you gotta give him a signing bonus,

all the bullshit that goes along | with moving someone here.

Now, personally, I don't give a f*** one | way or another whether you fire him or not,

but four guys in six months,

that's a lot of red ink to cover up.

You think | I should give him another chance, huh?

You can send him on one of those weekend | focus groups. It helped him last time.

Hey, John, what's going on?

You guys are making our lives | in Accounts Receivable a little too easy.

We're so bored, I had to take up smoking.

Yeah, the quarter's not over yet.

F***ing b*tch.

F*** her. She's just a glorified bookkeeper.

Hey, I've got some really big clients | coming to this conference tomorrow.

- Send Jaime along as a backup. | - Really?

Well, you need the sales, plus it will | keep these pricks here and there at bay.

It's what you want.

Okay, I'll give him one week.

- Two weeks. | - Two weeks.

Listen, this could be the perfect place | to put you back on track.

I've met some of my biggest clients here. | Hey, Chuck.

I haven't met any clients | anywhere, anyplace, anytime, anyhow.

Look, you're in a slump. | You snap out of those things.

You sure as hell don't want to | lose this job and move back to Ohio.

I don't know, | maybe it's the best thing for us to do.

Would you gentlemen like to come over | and look at our new boiler system?

Sure, if you can tell me if it's a system | of interlocking polycarbonate lining

or if it's | the tubular magnesium dioxide variety.

I'm not exactly sure.

- Give her a break. | - She's a slut.

In an economy where fly-by-night | dot-com companies come and go,

we represent one of the many industries | that actually makes something.

You can grab hold of what we do.

We are the foundation for America.

"Go with Guardia. " | These guys are f***ing everywhere.

You're right. There's Leguzza.

Oh, my God.

That Pillsbury Doughboy is the legend | everyone's been talking about?

Don't let appearances fool you.

That merciless son of a b*tch has ridden | roughshod over this industry for decades.

He used to screw his competitors' | secretaries just to get information.

- Do you know this guy? | - Yeah.

He tried to buy me off a couple years ago

'cause I was signing away | some of his clients.

Yeah, I can't wait to see the look | on his big fat face next year

when all anybody's talking about is the DLX.

Technology, like all the other industries, | will shape our future. Now we at Guardia...

You know what, Ted? | You're absolutely right.

I don't want to go back to Ohio a failure.

- I gotta get my sh*t together. | - Good, good.

Then start changing right now,

'cause this guy coming up here | is one of my biggest clients, okay?

Lmprint Industries. He's a good guy.

- Hey! | - Ted.

- How are you there? Good to see you. | - Fine. I was hoping I'd get to see you here.

Well, yeah. | This is my new partner, Jaime Bashant.

- Hi, how do you do? | - My pleasure.

Come on.

It was like three years ago they used | to hold these things in motel lobbies.

- That's right. | - Yeah.

It was in the...

A long time...

Forget it.

Yeah, sure have come a long way.

- Oh, yeah, you bet. | - Yeah, we really have.

Speaking of long way,

I'll bet you that old system | you have up there in White Plains

is about ready to give up the ghost.

Well, you might be right, but I'm not sure | we need to replace the entire system.

Well, Toby, I think you should reconsider.

Hey, we're not buying any of this horseshit | that you're doling out, you cocksucker.

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