The Lavender Hill Mob Page #3

the anticipated dividend,

I'm sure that you will both agree

with me that the...

Not another one, surely.

Tell him we're suited.

- Everything all right here, sir?

- Yes, thank you, officer.

My, uh, my partner

and I are busy stock-taking.

- Only I saw the window open, you see?

- Oh, yes, yes.

I'll close it. Thank you very much.

Good night, officer.

Good night, sir.

And, um, here's the order

for tomorrow's consignment.

Somewhat larger

than I expected:
212 bars.

That won't worry me, sir.

Dependable to the last.

I'm going to miss you, Holland.

You're very kind, sir.

I shall always have the happiest memories

of the dear old bullion office.

Has Mr. Abercrombie spoken to you

about your holiday?

Yes, sir. I'm going to Paris. Paris, eh?

You're stepping out, Holland.

Wonderful, isn't it,

what a little extra money will do.

Yes. It's going to make a big difference to me.

Oh! Have a go-round out on your own now.

Thank you, mate. That's it.

And how are you getting on?

No, you must show some sense of proportion.

Look at that seagull.

It's bigger than the funnel.

- Can't I do something else, Guv?

- Sell matches, or boot laces.

No, no. Mr. Holland specified

a pavement artist,

And a pavement artist

it's got to be.

Come on, try again.

It's coming slowly.

You're teaching the wrong man.

Well, I had to change them over.

Shorty can't ride a bicycle.

Doesn't look as if he can,

either.

We're learnin' him.

Why couldn't you Learn shorty?

Because Lackery's color-blind.

- What's that got to do with it?

- Oh, my dear Holland,

Do use your intelligence;

if a policeman were to come along

and see a green sunset...

Over a purple sea... all right, all right.

Spare me the details.

- Is everything else fixed?

- Yes, the map's in the office.

Come along, this is the setup.

Uh, Mr. Fisher will be sitting here.

The van will stop in front of him at 4:30.

A minute later, the guard

will appear round this corner,

And you, Pendlebury, will detain him

for at least half a minute.

Ask him for a light, ask him anything,

but keep him there.

We must have those 30 seconds.

Edgar!

I beg your pardon?

Isn't one supposed to say that

when one's being briefed?

On my rare visits to the kinema...

the word is "Roger."

Oh, Roger! How silly of me.

To continue.

As soon as we've captured the van,

Mr. Wood and Mr. Pendlebury...

Will proceed straight to the warehouse.

Bit risky, isn't it?

Making Mr. Pendlebury go there,

after the guard's seen him?

It's a risk we must take.

We need everyone.

We've more than 200 bars to move,

and I must have my alibi.

You've got to gag me, bind me,

tear my clothes, roll me in the dust.

We can't afford to waste one second.

Okay. You're the boss.

Yes.

Yes, that's right. I am.

Two hundred and eleven,

Two hundred and twelve.

Ah, Mr. Richards. Your deposit

will be returned in the usual way...

As soon as the gold

enters the bank.

Uh, you're both, uh...

Hoi!

Hoi!

- Here, no you don't.

- Don't what?

I saw you pinch it. Good gracious,

whatever must you think of me.

I think you're the bloke what pinched

my "monarch of the glen" last week.

Oh, no, I assure you.

Pinch a landseer, me?

Well, you better come quiet.

- If you'll have five minutes' patience,

I'll explain.

- Five minutes?

Oi, Charlie, get on the blower.

Come on,

come along with me.

He's picked

a wrong one this time.

No, no, no! It's all a ghastly mistake,

officer. I'm completely innocent.

- Did you see that car?

- Yes, sir. Police car.

What? Nothing to be afraid of there, sir.

Bloke was a copper.

I... It's some trick.

I'm sure it's the same car

that followed us the other day.

- You want me to go

and look round the corner, sir?

- Yes.

It's all a mistake, officer.

You got a flat tire there, mate!

Help! Help!

- Help! Help! Police!

- What's happened?

The van! They've pinched the van!

What's this?

Our van. Stolen. Load of bullion.

Kidnapped the boss.

Hoi! Stop, thief!

Hoi!

Stop, thief!

Hello, M2GW, from one-four.

Urgent me...

Urgent message begins.

Maroon-colored van,

LKL238, containing bull...

Containing bullion,

value one million pounds,

Believed stolen in the vicinity

of Queen Victoria Street.

Hello, all cars from M2GW.

Message number 4-8 begins.

Maroon-colored van, LKL638,

Containing bullion,

value one million pounds,

Stolen from the vicinity

of Queen Victoria Street.

Cor, what a weight!

The others will be here soon.

Hoi! Hoi, shorty.

- They got Mr. Pendlebury. The cops, of course!

- Who has?

I saw a crowd down there.

The driver of the van's there.

There's two cops,

and they're holding him.

Will he grass?

Will he squeal? Will he split?

No.

Then it don't matter.

We can deliver the stuff as arranged.

We don't need him.

Come on.

Sergeant Wilson,

you take your men and search...

The east end of the street,

moving down towards the center.

Sergeant Cripps, you take the west end

and move down here to meet Sergeant Wilson.

Rose, come with me. We'd better

have a look at those warehouses.

That's all right. Leave the rest.

Blimey, guv'nor, why?

Help my alibi.

Turn it up, Guv.

There's 75,000 quid in there.

I said, leave it.

A ruddy waste.

There's many a starving bloke'd

be glad of that lot.

Come on, now.

Fix me up. No, behind you.

Left-hand pocket. Well, stand still.

What's that?

You turn. It's easier.

Other way. Okay.

Hey! Look!

Hey. Hey!

- Come on! Scram!

- Wait! Wait!

Mess me up! Mr. Fisher!

Mr. Wood! Mess me up!

It's essential!

Wait!

Wait! Wait! Stop!

Wait! You can't leave me like this.

Wait. Wait, stop.

Help!

Help! Help!

Can you see from down there?

Help!

Sir! Inspector Talbot! Sir!

- I'll get you!

- Fight going on over there.

Purely an oversight, officer.

I had something on my mind.

Three pictures in a week

I missed from there.

You can't accuse him of taking

those others, too. I should think not.

I'm no thief, officer.

My character's an open book.

Well?

Well, you might as well know. I was lying.

I am a thief.

It was madness to attempt it.

We weren't cut out for crime, either of us.

We? My partner and i.

Your partner?

If you're working with a fence

who's got them other pictures...

Shh. Carry on.

Oh, I make no excuses.

All my life it's been my ambition

to surround myself with rare

and beautiful things.

Suddenly faced

with this golden opportunity... here.

You call that picture of mine

rare and beautiful?

Since you will keep on interrupting me,

you ought to know...

It's a charming example of an early rochet,

While he was still

under the influence of Corot.

Oh, yeah.

How much is it worth?

Ten pounds,

to those who can afford it.

Oh, Blimey.

I've got it marked up at five Bob.

- Here, what about this charge?

- Let him go.

I've got to get back

before they sell that picture!

Your lucky day, it seems.

All right. Case dismissed.

Off you go.

Yes, about five minutes ago.

Who, sir?

Oh, yes, we've got him, all right.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes