The Layover Page #3

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No, they didn't.

You didn't check a bag.

Oh, right, I didn't check a bag.

My apologies, we're tight

on space...

because of the annual

jewelry convention.

Jewelers have conventions?

However, I can put you both

in a lovely junior suite.

Now, while you're here...

please enjoy our four-star

restaurant...

pool, spa, and complimentary

shuttle service...

to the majestic St. Louis Arch

and finally, Tut's Tomb...

the number one nightclub

in St. Louis two years running.

For that, take the elevator

down to P1.

That's super, but we're only

here for one night.

Excellent. Well, if you

enjoy your stay,

I do hope you'll consider

Yelping us.

Ugh. God.

This is what we get for being

spontaneous.

(GASPS)

Oh my god, what is that color?

It's not a lipstick,

it's my Lip Lacerater.

Oh, it's fantastic.

Thanks.

Oh, hey, it's my seat mates.

Good to see you among

the living.

Yeah, thank you.

Okay, I need to go down

one more I think.

I'm gonna work off some travel

frustration at the gym.

Oh, god, your friend's wedding.

Yeah, yeah. It's not

for a few days.

I was, uh, going down early

for the bachelor party...

but those guys'll be fine.

No natural disaster's gonna

stop my buds...

from getting embarrassingly

drunk.

Hey, um, you guys wanna get

a drink later on tonight?

Might as well make the best

of this, right?

- Yeah. Yeah, sure, yeah.

- Sure. Yeah.

- I like... I like to drink.

- She does.

Not a lot, not to excess, but...

Alcohol.

Cool. How about 8:00?

Yeah, yeah, it's a date.

Well, not a date, but a plan.

Yeah.

- Have a good workout.

- Stretch, don't forget!

- Now don't... do gym.

- Don't hurt yourself.

- Oh, not bad.

- And it smells nice, too.

- Not bad at all.

- Yeah.

And look at us, having drinks

with a hot guy.

Hey, he's having drinks with us.

Right.

And who knows? Maybe one of us

will hook up, if he's lucky.

He might go for you.

Or you. You're gorgeous,

especially when you're loaded.

I am not, I look like

Mickey Rourke.

Enough with Mickey Rourke.

Why do you always say that?

- It's how I feel.

- Stop it.

You're beautiful.

This is called "Man Getting Out

of Cold Lake". Boop. Boop.

Ugh, thank god I packed

my Spanx.

Oh my god, my bag.

Can I borrow a dress?

Oh, I'm so sorry, I only packed

one.

Can I wear it?

No.

Well, what if you...

No.

Anuj.

Is there a mall around here?

Can you hold on one second,

please?

- What's that?

- The closest mall?

Uh, that would be the Westgate

Pavilion near the arch.

- How far is the arch?

- 30 minutes without traffic.

Damn it. I need a dress.

We can call a taxi for you.

June, will you please call...

No, I need one now, tonight.

What would you like me to do?

Fine.

Sir, are you still there?

Yeah, Okay, so those last

three digits...

How do I leave a review on Yelp?

Can you hold on just one more

second, please?

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey. Wow.

Right?

Where's your other half?

I don't know. Might just be me.

Well, you uh, you look

very nice.

Thank you. I didn't pack too

much 'cause it's really...

just a girl's trip,

but I thought, you know...

I thought I'd try something

with what I have...

Holy sh*t.

You look amazing.

You like it? I wasn't sure

I could pull it off.

No, no. You look great.

Meg's an expert at pulling

off a dress.

Okay, uh, let me go see

if I can snag us a booth.

Where did you get that?

The Indian dude at the front

desk. His mom loaned it to me.

Crazy, right?

That is so crazy.

Hey there, you ladies here

for Jewel Con?

No, uh, we're just... we're

meeting some friends.

Yes, yes, you are... us.

Namaste.

I'm Craig, precious gems

are my specialty.

Chuck here is in, uh, high-end

watch repair.

Shahar does imports.

"Shahar" is Hebrew

for "sunrise"...

which you will experience

tomorrow morning in my bed.

That was smooth.

That was very smooth.

She didn't refuse, that's good.

- Yeah, well...

- I have cocaine.

Whoa, Chuck, put it away.

He's very excited he has

cocaine.

He's been showing it to

everybody.

I smuggled it on the plane

in my underpants.

Enough about us, and you guys

are...?

Undercover federal agents

investigating...

a counterfeit diamond ring.

So you can either step aside

and let us do our job...

or I'll give Kate here the green

light to shove her taser...

in your ass and light you up.

Okay, sorry, officers.

Let's go.

Hey. I glommed on to

some fellow travelers.

This is Roger and Nancy,

Kate and Meg.

Oh my god, you look like

a f***ing princess.

Thanks, it's a sari.

Honey, you got nothing to be

sorry about.

Roger and Nancy are celebrating

their anniversary.

Ten years and I think

I'll keep her.

Aw.

That's sweet.

Sh*t. Category four?

[NANCY]

So much for losing steam.

[ROGER] No one's getting out

of here tomorrow.

I'm not gonna make

the rehearsal dinner.

Oh, come on, don't think

like that.

Yeah, hurricanes are notoriously

unpredictable.

That's why they name them

after women, right?

It was a slam-dunk case, see

this guy didn't have a prayer...

but he did have this gorgeous

defense attorney.

Gorgeous and gifted defense

attorney.

[NANCY]

All charges were dropped.

Well, not entirely...

I did manage to negotiate

into the plea bargain...

that Nancy go on a date with me.

First time in my career,

I got two men off in one day.

More than once, as I recall.

I could have you dis-barred,

you know?

Yeah? I could have you mounted.

- [NANCY] I'll mount you.

- [ROGER] Did you bring the cuffs?

- I'll blindfold you first.

- Oh, interrogation.

Or Q & A? Mm.

I think we lost them.

What about you guys?

What do you do?

I'm a CEO.

Wow.

I sell a line of skin care

products.

You know Michelle Obama?

Is she a client?

Well, obviously I can't talk

about it...

but how about her skin?

Damn. Damn.

What about you, Kate?

I'm a teacher...

I teach high school.

Oh, nice.

Special needs high school.

Wow. Is that hard?

You know what's hard is not

being with them right now.

A lot of people think that

I teach them... but...

but really, you know,

they teach me.

Yeah.

The blind teach me how

to listen better...

and the mute teach me...

you know, not to talk so much,

so I'm gonna stop.

Man, I can't compete with you

two. I'm just a firefighter.

- (MUSIC PLAYING)

- Boy boy boy boy boy

[ANUJ] All right, what's up,

everybody? Come on.

Eh-yo, this is DJ Spooj,

rhymes with Anuj...

'cause we both gonna be on your

face by the end of the night.

All the junkies in the house

say "ho".

[CROWD] Ho!

[ANUJ] All the wacky knickers

in the house say "ayo".

[CROWD] Eh-yo!

[ANUJ]

All right, let's get to it.

Have a good night, everybody.

You guys wanna dance?

Who me?

I had no idea I could feel

this high up on another

Until one day

you had to get on up

You dirty scumbag liar

breaking my heart

And though the whole world

crumbled

You still found a way

To put Humpty back together

again

Boy meets girl boy likes girl

and tries to get with girl

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