The Layover Page #7

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Okay, well, sh*t.

Nothing we can do tonight.

Uh, we'll take two rooms.

I think it starts with a "T".

Uh, three rooms, actually.

I'd like my own room.

[CLERK] Three rooms.

Okay, even if we cab it

to the airport...

we could be on the road

by maybe 9:
30-10:00.

There you go.

This one's out the door,

up the stairs, to the right.

There's a restaurant out back

towards the interstate.

You can walk it.

All right.

It's... open 'til 10:00.

I'm wanna get this guy in bed.

I'll uh, park the car later on.

You know, for food poisoning,

this ain't bad.

Goodnight.

See ya.

Yeah.

He's yours, okay? He's yours.

I don't want him.

I just didn't want you

to have him.

(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, hey.

Don't be so excited.

Where's Ryan?

On the phone, wedding stuff,

thought I'd give him some space.

You okay?

Yeah. Yeah.

Just got quite the buzz

going on.

Thought some alcohol would add

nicely to it.

Hey, can I get a shot of Turkey?

Thanks.

I'm gonna go play some pool.

You can sit next to me.

You sure? I don't wanna

give you cooties.

Look at that handsome guy

with that hag.

Two smiles in one night.

I'm on my game.

Finally getting your ice.

I hate ice, it hurts my teeth.

Oh.

Where's uh...

She's at the bar.

She's probably waiting for you.

Goodnight.

Wait.

What're you doing?

You two were always together.

I'm gonna kiss your mouth now.

Okay.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Wow.

Oh, I know. It's crooked.

Was it, like, in an accident

or something?

No, no, just kinda born

that way.

I've been told that it enhances

the experience.

Right.

Just another morning

Yeah whatever morning

Then without a warning

All right, here we go!

Here we go!

Oh, it's good, isn't it?

Mary, mother of God!

You okay?

Yeah, just gonna do one thing.

Oh, sh*t. That's okay.

Here, let me just try...

Oh yeah, that's better!

This could be my lucky

This could be my lucky

This could be my lucky day

You okay?

You know, we don't have

to do this.

Yes.

We.

Do.

Day ay ay ay ay

This could be my lucky

This could be my lucky

This could be my lucky day

Oh! Here we go!

Day ay ay ay ay

Day ay ay ay ay

Yes!

Long story short, that is how

I became a jeweler.

Screw you, Dad. Right?

Okay.

I give up.

What?

You know, I carry all kinds

of gemstones in my store.

Hundreds.

Precious, semi-precious,

uncut, faceted.

Every time a woman walks

into my store...

all she wants is one thing...

diamonds.

Don't get me wrong,

I love diamonds...

but there are so many other

stones out there...

with such amazing qualities.

Imperial jade, the texture

of a jacinth stone...

the way, if you add just

the smallest amount of iron...

to amethyst, it produces

the truest shade of violet...

you've ever seen.

I'm the imperial jade, in case

that wasn't clear.

- No, I got it.

- All right, too much bourbon.

Gotta go. 'Night.

Mm.

Spear of butter, a little bit

of cinnamon...

on a King's Hawaiian

is the ultimate comfort food.

- Hi.

- Hey.

Mind if I join you?

Shut up.

This raisin bran is amazing,

by the way. You should get some.

What's with you?

Nothing.

We have to stop. This is insane.

You're the most important person

in my life.

You know that, right?

I'm not gonna throw that away

for some doofus.

I mean, geez, right?

He's cute and everything, but

there's not much more there...

than killer abs and a bent

dick.

Look into young Ryan's eyes...

and I have serious doubt that

there's anyone home.

There you guys are.

I was knocking on your doors.

- Not now, Craig.

- Ryan's gone.

- What?

- Yeah, he stole my car.

Are you serious?

- What is the matter with you?

- What's the matter with you?!

You told me that

I could have him!

That is what you said to me

and then you went and you...

- slept with him anyway?!

- No, I...

How do you know he has

a bent dick?!

- What?!

- You slept with Ryan.

You are unbelievable, Meg.

I am done with you!

I am so done...

Wait a second, we are

not done...

and how do you know

he has a bent dick?

Because I spent the night

with him, Einstein!

Whoa, whoa!

That was a kill shot!

What?

I take Krav Maga at the Y!

That was a straight up

kill shot!

You took a f***ing kill shot

at me?!

What the hell is wrong with you?

I didn't mean to take a kill

shot, are you okay?

No, I'm not okay!

I hate you!

Okay, maybe we should...

I hate you!

Will you grow up?!

Me grow up?

I paid for this trip!

- Ouch! Stop!

- I paid for everything!

You didn't pay for this

breakfast!

It's a continental! It's free!

Oh god, just once I wish you

would say "I am so sorry."

"I am dead broke again, would

you please pay for my fro-yo?"

For you, it's just a bunch

of heaped-on toppings!

I knew that that's been bugging

your ass forever!

Why do you even bother

with the yogurt?

Why don't you just go

to a f***ing candy store?

Is there anything you're not

afraid of?

You think you are so strong.

You quit everything that you try

or you do something stupid...

to make sure that you fail.

You are the coward!

I'm a coward? That's rich.

Had enough?

Oh, sh*t.

(GUN C*CKS)

Freeze, lesbians.

(POLICE RADIO CHATTER)

Okay, I've gotten statements...

from the witnesses

and the motel owner.

From what I gather,

the altercation appears...

to be over a man that you've

both been intimate with?

- Not at the same time.

- I was first.

Okay, the fella who stole your

car. What was his name?

He didn't steal my car,

he left a note.

I overreacted when I said that.

He didn't steal my car.

Okay.

What was his name?

Uh, Ryan... Ryan...

Ryan, um...

You had sexual relations

with this man...

and you don't even know

his name?

I didn't have... relations...

The desk clerk said you came in

last night with the damaged car.

Officer, I have no memory of it.

I'm still gonna need the other

fella's name.

Oh, he accepted my Google Plus

request.

I'll show you a picture

of this guy.

I'll show you his name,

his likes, his dislikes...

That would have been helpful.

Oh.

Well, he's definitely going

to a wedding.

His own.

- He's getting married?

- Oh my god!

You two are having a bad day.

- Officer!

- Sit down!

There is a woman out there who's

about to give her life over...

to a liar and a cheat and we

have the opportunity...

to stop him and to save

her, so please...

I appeal to you,

not as a police officer...

but as a woman, please.

And we'll pay for all

the damage.

Everything.

Please?

You called for a cab?

We're going to the Fort.

[DRIVER] Where?

Fort Lauderdale.

Seriously? That's gonna

cost you.

Well, we're just gonna

put it on my credit card.

We can split it three ways.

No, I'll find my way home.

Are you sure?

You don't wanna see

how this thing ends?

No, I really don't.

Come on! Let's go ruin

a wedding!

(MUSIC PLAYING)

I don't run for nobody

Yeah I like it that way

[KATE] Let's go!

And we dance

like we're on fire

When we sing

we sing too loud

But we always find our way

When we walk

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