The Ledge Page #3

biblical bullshit,

I decided to liberate his wife.

I was thinking of it as, like,

a Operation Rescue

type of thing.

I mean, come on,

what's a woman like that

doing with a man like him?

- Excuse me.

- Daddy!

- What are you doing back?

- I forgot something.

- You okay?

- Yeah.

Why don't you all

get to your bus

before you're late for school?

- Hi.

Is everything okay?

- No.

Come inside.

- Hollis, what's wrong?

Tell me.

- Whose kids are these?

Whose kids are these?

I'm asking you

whose kids they are!

Will you just tell me

how you can let me,

for all these years,

go around thinking

these are my damn kids

and I can't have any!

Whose kids are these?

Tell me!

- This is not what you think.

- What am I supposed to think?

Yea, though I walk through the

valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil.

Hey, forgive me.

- You okay?

- Yeah, now,

don't worry about me.

All right, then,

where were we?

- Oh, whoa.

- Excuse me.

- Morning.

- Mornin'.

- Hey, Gavin.

Sorry about the other night.

Thought you were gay.

- Hey, I'm a nonbeliever.

You can hate me

for that instead.

- Well, I don't hate gay people,

Gavin.

- Love the sinner,

hate the sin?

- Absolutely.

You know, if your friend

doesn't correct his ways,

he's going to hell.

And I'd do anything

to avoid that, Gavin,

because hell's a reality.

- Well, I'm late,

so maybe you can tell me

how you know this

some other time, okay?

I mean, have you been to hell?

Ever met anyone who's-

- How about Wednesday night?

- Hell and homos,

Wednesday night?

- And philosophy.

Salvation.

- Look, I got to go,

or I'm gonna miss my bus-

- Hey, you know,

don't be so close-minded.

- Are you willing to admit

that God might not exist?

- No.

- So who's being

close-minded here?

- Maybe you can change my mind.

- Okay.

Philosophy, Wednesday night.

- There you go.

- Sure.

- So how's the gay lifestyle

treating you?

- Fine.

How's the hetero lifestyle

treating you?

- You ever been married?

- Yeah.

But something tells me

the problems I had

are not the problems

you're having.

- What do you think

the problems I'm having are?

- Appreciating

someone's kindness

isn't necessarily the same thing

as being in love.

- Man, you have a big mouth.

- Sorry.

- Have you ever seen

a happy marriage?

I mean, really happy?

- I have to say,

for the first few years of my

marriage, I was very happy.

- And what happened?

- And then she left me.

- When was this?

- Two years ago.

- Boy, you sure take your time

to recover, don't you?

- You know what, Shana?

You're right.

Way too long.

But if you do

the charitable thing here

and start having sex with me

on a regular basis,

pretty sure

I'd start healing right away.

You have a very sexy mouth.

- A very sexy married mouth.

- That's right.

I forgot.

You see, the trick,

I figured,

having been on the receiving end

of such a thing,

was just to open the door.

After that, if she had

the slightest interest,

well, next time

her husband's cold to her,

couple of thoughts blow in.

Pretty soon, what blows in

is more than just nice.

It's perfect.

I mean, why wouldn't it be?

It's in her head.

She thinks, "What's the harm

in just thinking about this

if it makes me feel good?"

And then it's,

"Well, what's the harm

in just thinking about this

and coming?"

And so she comes.

Well, that takes care of that.

- Here we go.

- Thank you.

- What a relief.

Never again.

- The cantaloupe looks great.

- Trouble is,

a connection's been made.

She remembers it vividly.

I kissed her lips.

I was inside her.

Maybe I even said I loved her.

- Hey.

- Hi.

- So look what we got

from a single remark.

Now we add in something else.

Look, I'm embarrassed.

What I said the other day

was totally out of line.

I'm really sorry, okay?

- It's okay.

- It's not, really.

I've never done that before

with an employee,

and I won't do it again, okay?

- You're forgiven.

- Abandonment-

clearly a big issue for her.

"What, I haven't even had

the guy for real,

and now he's slamming the door

in my face?"

I know.

But don't hate me yet,

trust me.

I got mine coming.

- Now, let me ask you.

You ever look around

and the world just seems

empty to you?

- Oh, yeah.

- Has it ever occurred to you

that maybe

it's because

you don't have God in your life?

- No.

- Never?

- Look, Joe, when I was a kid,

I totally believed in God.

But, you know, you grow up.

Well, I did.

I looked around.

I said,

"Santa Claus:
No evidence.

"The tooth fairy: No evidence.

"God, the same thing:

No evidence."

And then you think,

"Hmm.

I wonder if I really need

all these imaginary friends."

- So you think God's

just a pleasant thing?

Like it's easier

to believe than not?

- Well, easier for you, clearly.

- No, Gavin, faith is hard.

God tests you

time and time again.

Sometimes He even demands

that you die for Him.

You think that's easy?

- For people of faith, sure.

That's the problem.

Like, I could never fly

a jet into a building.

But those 9/11 guys could

'cause they had faith

in an afterlife,

not to mention 72 virgins,

though why anyone would want

virgins, I don't know.

- What did God do to you

to make you so angry at Him?

Look at the world

that He created,

all the beauty.

- Wars and plagues

and genocides

and earthquakes and tidal waves.

And then,

after all that suffering,

what does your God do next?

He sends most of us to hell.

- Well, not if you've

been born again.

- Right, the old

baptismal Jacuzzi.

- You have to accept

Jesus Christ

as your Lord and Savior.

That is your only

entrance requirement.

- Okay, so the Hebes,

the Hindus,

the Muslims, the atheists,

the Buddhists,

all damned, right?

- They have to accept

Jesus Christ.

- And the Catholics,

'cause they're not

born again, right?

- Right.

- Face it, man,

it's kind of crazy.

- No, it's not crazy.

God gives us free will

for that purpose.

Otherwise,

we would just be puppets.

Life would be...

Life would be meaningless.

That's the beauty

of eternal salvation.

You see, anyone can go

to heaven or hell,

because anyone can be saved.

It's your choice.

- Unless you're a kid in China

who gets hit by a bus

and never even heard

of this getting saved deal.

Where's his choice?

- Well, that's why

it's so important

to spread the gospel,

try and save people.

- I'm sorry.

I don't mean to laugh.

I just find this kind

of fundamentalism incredible.

I mean, all of you,

totally convinced

you know exactly who God is

and exactly how He wants

to be worshipped

and all without a lick

of evidence He even exists.

- No wonder

there are so many holy wars.

Without evidence, how else

would you win this argument

except by killing each other?

- See, I see evidence

in all kinds of things.

- So do they.

And sooner or later,

one of these guys

who hears God in his head

is gonna get ahold

of weapons of mass destruction,

and then,

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