The LEGO Batman Movie Page #2

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Are you nuts?

You wanna get nuts? Come on!

Let's get nuts!

'Cause I just wrote a song

about how I'm gonna kick all your butts!

Stop him before he starts singing!

Yeah!

In the darkest night

I make the bad guys fall

There's a million heroes

Computer, overcompensate.

But I'm the best of them all

I'm on my way, sir.

- Who has the coolest gadgets?

- Batman!

- Who has the tricked-out ride?

- Batman!

- Who does the sickest backflips?

- Batman!

Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Batman!

Yeah, hey, hey! Batman jam!

Da-Na, da-Na, da-Na, da-Na

Batman!

You think my muscles are big?

Thank you.

You haven't seen my brain

Ladies, it's okay if you stare

Why?

'Cause I'm a billionaire

Get it together, guys!

You're making me look bad

in front of Batman!

'Puter, where's the bomb?

The bomb is located

at the base of the energy core.

What the...

I get the last laugh, I get the final grin

Throw you into the asylum

With Harley Quinn

Turn Two-Face

To black-and-blue face

I 100% am not Bruce Wayne!

Kiss me, Batman.

- Who's the manliest man?

- Ugh!

Batman!

- With the buns of steel?

- Batman!

'Puter.

- Who could choke-hold a bear?

- Batman!

- Who never skips leg day?

- Batman!

Who always pays their taxes?

Not Batman

How is he beating all of you again?

Because...

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

I'm Batman!

It's gonna blow!

I'm Batman!

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

I'm Batman!

Hi, Batman!

So weird to keep running into you.

Batman!

Looks like your plan failed.

Well, it's only a matter of time

before I take over Gotham City.

When has that ever happened? Computer!

Calculating. Never.

You know why?

Because I'm always one step ahead of you.

And I always get away!

Not this time.

'Cause this time

I got you.

Oh, yeah?

Well, there's only one problem.

Who's gonna defuse the bomb?

It's gotta be one or the other, Batman.

Save the city,

or catch your greatest enemy.

You can't do both.

I'm sorry, what did you just say?

You can't do both, I said.

No, I mean the other thing.

Save the city,

or catch your greatest enemy.

You think you're my greatest enemy?

Yes! You're obsessed with me!

No, I'm not.

- Yes, you are.

- No, I'm not.

Yes, you are! Who else drives you

to one-up them the way that I do?

- Bane.

- No, he doesn't!

- Superman.

- Superman's not a bad guy!

Then I'd say that I don't

currently have a bad guy.

I am fighting a few different people.

What?

I like to fight around.

Okay, look, I'm fine with you

fighting other people

if you wanna do that,

but what we have is special.

So, when people ask you

"Who's your number one bad guy?"

you say...

Superman.

Are you seriously saying

that there is nothing,

nothing special about our relationship?

Whoa.

Let me tell you something, J-bird.

- Batman doesn't do 'ships.

- What?

As in "relationships."

There is no "us."

Batman and Joker are not a thing.

I don't need you.

I don't need anyone.

You mean nothing to me.

No one does.

Hurray! Batman!

You did it!

You're welcome.

- Thank you, Batman.

- Oh, my pleasure.

Batman, we love you!

Thank you!

I'm blushing super hard under the mask.

- Grazie, Batman!

- Prego.

- You're the best, Batman!

- Oh, I'm humble.

- Thanks, Batman!

- I'm super modest about it. Thank you.

- Batman, you're the greatest!

- Oh, pray hands, pray hands.

- Thanks for saving the city!

- You're welcome.

Batman, I love you more than my kids!

So do I, guy!

You're our hero, Batman!

I love my life.

Computer.

Go ahead.

- Are we near the orphanage?

- Yes.

Great.

Let's turn those frowns upside down.

That sounds like the Batmobile.

No way!

Hey, orphans! Look who's here!

It's Batman!

Hey, kids.

Who wants a shot from the merch gun?

- I do, I do, I do!

- Great!

- Kaboom!

- I got a lunchbox!

- Kaboom!

- I got a sippy cup!

- Kaboom!

- I got a Batarang!

And the rest of you get Bat Bucks.

Kaboom!

Remember, kids,

if you want to be like Batman,

take care of your abs. Batman out!

Batman! Batman! Batman!

Thanks, Batman. You're my hero!

Whoo!

What is the password?

Iron Man sucks.

Thank you.

It must be great to be Batman.

I can only imagine

he is going home right now

to party the night away,

surrounded by scores of friends

and lady tennis players.

Hey, Computer.

I'm home.

Welcome home, sir.

Initializing Batcave operating system.

Hey, 'Puter.

What's up, Batman?

Put this bomb in the museum.

Certainly, sir.

- Thank you.

- No worries.

Anything exciting happen when I was gone?

You have four pieces of mail.

Great, what'd I get?

You have this week's Pennysaver,

two bills,

and a coupon for Bed Bath and Beyond.

It expires in two weeks.

But I've heard that some stores

will honor them past the expiry date.

Copy that.

Also, Alfred is on the 17th floor,

grouting tiles in the second bathroom

of the fifth master bedroom.

Do you want me to tell Alfred you're home?

No, that's cool, Computer.

Thanks for the update.

I should probably have some dinner.

Alfred left your lobster thermidor

in the fridge.

Oh, that's my favorite.

I can't wait.

Oh, not 20 minutes. Stupid.

Oh, wait.

There, which one is, uh...

Okay.

You complete me.

Shut up. You had me at hello.

Love it!

Hey, Mom.

Hey, Dad.

I, uh...

I saved the city again today.

I wish you could have seen me.

I think you would have been really proud.

There you are!

Oh! Alfred! I am so sorry.

I have incredible reflexes.

No, it's all my fault, sir.

I should have known better

than to sneak up on you like that.

Sorry, I was just lost in thought,

and as you know,

when I'm in there, I'm in deep.

Were you looking

at the old family pictures again?

At the what? The old family...

Oh, yes! I see what you mean.

Look at that! The old gang.

Yeah. No, I wasn't.

I see.

Sir, if you don't mind my saying,

I'm a little concerned.

I've seen you go through similar phases

in 2016 and 2012 and 2008 and 2005

and 1997 and 1995 and 1992 and 1989

and that weird one in 1966.

Do you want to talk about

how you're feeling right now?

I don't talk about feelings, Alfred.

I don't have any, I've never seen one.

I'm a night-stalking,

crime-fighting vigilante,

and a heavy metal rapping machine.

I don't feel anything emotionally,

except for rage.

24/7, 365, at a million percent.

And if you think that there's something

behind that, then you're crazy.

Good night, Alfred.

Sir, it's morning.

Master Bruce, you live on an island,

figuratively and literally.

Yeah. I love it.

You can't spend

the rest of your life alone,

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