The Lego Movie Page #5

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...eventually it turned out to be pointless.

Well, for what it's worth...

...this has been about the greatest

15 minutes of my life.

What the...?

Relax, everybody, I'm here.

Batman!

- What's up, babe?

Babe!

- What?

- Oh, sorry. Batman, this is Emmet.

Emmet, this is my boyfriend, Batman.

I'm Batman.

That's your boyfriend? Aah!

Batman, huh? Where'd you guys meet?

It's actually a funny story, right, Bat?

There he is.

- "Police" to meet you, Bad Cop.

- Batman!

The pleasure...

...is all "spine. "

Guess what...

...you big dumb baby.

Your car is a baby carriage.

Oh, no, your boyfriend's gone.

Hey, babe.

- What?

Let's hold hands.

So, uh...

Hey, guys, I think we're about

to crash into the sun.

Yeah, but it's gonna look really cool.

Uh, is this Cloud Cuckooland?

I don't see any clouds.

- Or cuckoos.

- No, no, this is...

...Middle Zealand.

A wondrous land...

...full of knights, castles, mutton...

...torture weapons, poverty,

leeches, illiteracy...

...and, um...

Dragon!

Yeah, that too.

Once we arrive at Cloud Cuckooland,

we'll raise an army...

...of MasterBuilders to...

Anyway, you guys gotta check out

these new subwoofers I installed.

I call them the dogs. Listen to them bark!

Can you turn that down a little bit?

This is a song I wrote for Wyldstyle.

Darkness

It's about how I'm an orphan.

No parents

This is real music, Emmet.

Batman's a true artist. Dark, brooding.

Well, I'm dark and brooding too.

Guys, look, a rainbow.

So you're gonna drive up the curved part...

Super rich

...take it all the way to the top...

Kind of makes it better

...and park the car.

Friends, welcome

to Cloud Cuckooland. Now...

I just need to give the secret knock.

Okay.

I'm just gonna come right out.

I have no idea what's going on...

...or what this place is at all.

Hi! I am Princess Unikitty...

...and I welcome you all

to Cloud Cuckooland.

There's no signs or anything.

How does anyone know what not to do?

Here in Cloud Cuckooland...

...there are no rules.

There's no government...

...no babysitters...

...no bedtimes...

...no frowny faces...

...no bushy mustaches...

...and no negativity of any kind.

You just said the word "no"

like a thousand times.

And there's also no consistency.

I hate this place.

Any idea is a good idea...

...except the not happy ones.

Those you push down deep inside...

...where you'll never, ever, ever...

...ever...

...find them.

Your fellow MasterBuilders

are gathered in the Dog.

The what?

Ah! Is that Superman?

Girl, what are you doing?

- Hey, Superman!

- Oh, hey. What's up?

- Lantern. Green Lantern.

- Yeah, yeah.

You wanna sit together at the meeting?

Um, I have to go back to Krypton.

Didn't Krypton blow up?

My fellow MasterBuilders,

including but not limited to...

...Robin Hood, Mermaid Lady...

...Gandalf...

...Swamp Creature...

...1980-something Space Guy...

- Hello!

...2002 NBA All-Stars...

...and Wonder Woman.

- Unh!

You have traveled far to be here

for a moment of great import.

We have learned...

...that Lord Business plans to unleash...

...a fully weaponized Kragle...

...on Taco Tuesday...

...to end the world as we know it.

Please, calm yourselves.

Green Ninja...

...Milhouse...

...Nice Vampire...

...Michelangelo, Michelangelo...

...and Cleopatra.

There is yet one hope.

The Special has arisen.

Have the young man step forward.

As you wish, Dubbledore.

I'm Gandalf!

- It's pronounced "Dumbledore. "

- Dubbadore?

No, "Dumbledore. "

Thought you said "Dubbadore. "

Vitruvius!

You gotta write that down.

I'm not gonna remember any of it.

But here we go.

The Special will now give

an eloquent speech.

Go ahead, man. You got this.

Okay.

Hello. I'm Emmet.

Oh, and this is the Piece of Resistance.

Thank you.

Well, uh, I know that I, for one...

...am very excited to work with you guys...

...to get into the Octan Tower,

find the Kragle...

...and put this thing on the thing.

And I know it's going to be really hard, but...

"Really hard"?

Wiping ye bum with a hook

for a hand is really hard.

This be impossible.

The last time we tried to storm

Lord Business' office...

...we used every plan we could conceive.

The result was a massacre

too terrible to speak of.

Who are you?

The name be Metal Beard.

And I'll tell you me tale of woe.

Oh, great, here we go again.

I arrived...

...at the foot of the Tower...

...with me hearty MasterBuilder crew...

...only to fnd the Kragle was all

the way up on the infnityeth floor...

...guarded by a robot army...

...and security measures...

...of every kind...

...imaginable:

Lasers...

...sharks...

...laser sharks...

...overbearing assistants...

...and strange, dangerous relics...

...that entrap...

...snap...

...and zap.

And there be a mysterious room

called the Think Tank.

I barely made it out of that...

...room...

...with just me head!

And organs.

Okay.

I had to replace every part

of my once-strapping...

...virile pirate body...

...with this useless hunk of garbage

ye see before ye.

So if ye think

it'd be a good idea to return...

...to that forsaken place...

...Special...

...what idea have ye that be better...

...than the ideas of 100...

...of our fallen MasterBuilder brothers?

Well, uh...

Well, technically I'm not exactly

a MasterBuilder yet.

What?

Please! Everyone! Please!

Rubbish!

Yes, it's true.

I may not be a MasterBuilder.

I may not have a lot of experience...

...fighting or leading

or coming up with plans.

Or having ideas in general.

In fact, I'm not all that smart.

And I'm not what you'd call

a "creative type. "

Plus...

...generally unskilled.

Also...

...scared and cowardly.

I know what you're thinking:

"He is the least qualified person...

...in the world to lead us. "

And you are right.

This is supposed to make us feel better?

No, there was about to be a "but. "

- You're a butt!

- Yes.

You all be on your own!

I be leaving this lost cause!

Why are you leaving?

A house divided against itself

would be better...

...than this.

Abraham Lincoln!

You bring your space chair right back here!

Come on, guys!

We can still do this. Right?

You're not even a bit special.

Well, you were right about him

being a ding-dong.

You're a huge disappointment.

Get him out of here.

I don't wanna look at him.

Well, at least it can't get any worse.

I was wrong.

It's the Orb of Tee-ti-list!

Ruh-roh. It's the bad guys.

Whoa. How did he...?

Go! Run! Come on, everyone!

Protect The Special.

What's that on his ankle?

It's a tracking device.

Take the MasterBuilders prisoner.

Oh, he led them right to us.

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