The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp Page #5

It's very strange to be preparing a duel between

two people who've never even seen each other.

It happens sometimes.

Marriages also, you know?

Has your man ever fought a duel?

No. Has yours?

Strictly between ourselves,

Theo doesn't really approve of duels.

Then, gentlemen,

is this fight really necessary?

Sir, there are moments in a soldier's life

when his personal feelings do not count.

Oberleutnant Kretschmar-Schuldorff

knows his duties very well.

- We have not agreed upon the time.

- Will seven in the morning be agreeable to you?

- Get it over early.

- I agree.

- Seven o'clock.

- lt'd be advisable to meet half an hour earlier.

At 6:
30am in the gymnasium

of the barracks of the 2nd Ulans.

Ah, here comes our man.

- Morning. Slept well?

- Very.

- He was still sleeping when I called.

- They forgot to wake me.

- Your nerves are all right.

- Dr Crowther. Mr Candy.

- How do you do?

- How do you do? Oh.

Why wasn't I allowed any breakfast?

- Because the book says not.

- It would.

Ah, you'll do.

- Do you want this?

- I hope you've read it.

Miss Hunter read it.

She says it's a joke, good enough for Punch.

- Where is Theo Kretschmar-Schuldorff?

- He hasn't shown up yet.

I congratulate you on your pronunciation.

I learnt it by heart,

so when my grandchildren say,

"Grandpa, have you ever cut anybody's ear off? "

I shall be able to say,

"Yes, Theo Kretschmar-Schuldorrfs."

Nobody could invent a name like that.

Hello, who's this?

Colonel Borg, the Swedish military attache.

He's going to lead the combat.

Colonel Borg. Mr Candy.

I must, of course, use German expressions.

I shall say "los" for starting and "halt" for stop.

Can you memorise these two words?

I'll try. At the beginning,

I'll be sure you mean "start".

During the combat,

you're not likely to say "start" again.

That is true.

Excuse me.

Seven o'clock. Theo Kretschmar-Schuldorff

will forfeit his entrance fee if he doesn't...

I wish I'd brought my uniform.

- How are you with a sabre?

- Oh, I don't know. I know which end to hold.

- We drew lots for them.

- I hope mine's a nice light one.

All sabres weigh the same.

Seconds, please?

Excuse me, please, would you undo your shirt?

Thank you.

Right.

Do you want to roll up your sleeve

or will you rip it off?

- What's better?

- I am not permitted to give advice.

- I think I'll rip it.

- It is definitely better.

Doctor, your scissors, please.

What did he hope to find in there?

Protective bandages.

Good luck, my boy.

Now, you alone will come with me, please.

You'd better rub your feet in the rosin.

Ich werde jetzt das Protokol vorlesen.

I shall read now the protocol.

Sie durfen den Kampf

erst auf das Kommando "los" beginnen.

You will start only at the command "los".

Sie mussen den Kampf

auf das Kommando "halt" unterbrechen,

wer es auch immer gibt.

You must stop the combat ifyou hear

the command 'halt', whoever may say it.

Sobald Sie sich verwundet fuhlen,

haben Sie den Kampf sofort einzustellen

und durch Zuruckspringen die Distanz

einzunehmen,

auch wenn nicht 'halt' kommandiert wird.

If you feel to be wounded,

you must stop the combat, and by leaping back,

you must regain position at the original distance,

even if no 'halt' has been commanded.

Es ist verboten, die Waffe des Gegners

mit der bloben Hand zu ergreifen.

It is forbidden to seize the weapon

of the opponent with the bare hand.

Sekundanten, bitte.

Die Stellungen nehmen.

Into fighting position, please.

Fertig?

Ready?

Los!

- They must have started by now.

- You never know.

I heard of one chap whose nerve broke.

Absolutely went all to pieces.

- Poor fellow.

- He was in such a funk, he couldn't lift his arm.

The seconds tried to lift it for him, but as soon as

they let go, it dropped like a railroad signal. Rum!

I say, I hope our chap doesn't get killed.

It'll create an awful stink if he does.

I think you are the most odious man

I have ever met.

If anything does happen to him,

I'll blow up your Embassy.

- I say. Are you a suffragette?

- Never mind. If anything happens to Mr Candy...

Oh, you mean Suggie.

I was talking about the German fellow.

Nothing could possibly happen to Suggie.

He won the fencing shield

- two years running. Do you know...

- Oh, look!

Sie brauchen sich auf keine Weise

zu beunruhigen. Wir werden alles Notige tun.

Vielen Dank.

Naturlich wird der Patient

nicht vor sechs Uhr aufstehen konnen.

- Afternoon, Miss Hunter.

- Good afternoon.

- You can go in now.

- How is he?

The doctors say six to eight weeks, not longer.

Fit as a fiddle.

- I'm so glad.

- They've given permission for you to stay here.

I'm not staying in Germany,

Colonel Goodhead.

I go back tomorrow.

I've already telegraphed my father.

- Haven't you told her?

- No.

Now, Miss Hunter, you must be sensible.

We're very fortunate

that everything has gone off so well.

- You wouldn't want to spoil everything.

- Spoil everything?

The duel was generally supposed

to be about you.

What would people say if you left him now,

wounded and alone in a nursing home?

Naturally, I thought you understood all this,

otherwise why have you come here?

- To say goodbye to Mr Candy.

- Go in now, Miss Hunter.

Don't bother about the bills.

They have orders to send those to the Embassy.

- Good afternoon.

- Good afternoon.

GOODHEAD:
Good afternoon, Miss Hunter.

Well.

NURSE:
Bitte?

Guten Tag.

Good afternoon, Miss Hunter.

You are Miss Hunter, are you not?

My name is Erna Konig,

and I speak excellent English.

- Oh, that's splendid. How is he?

- He can neither hear nor speak.

It will be very difficult for a day or two

until we take the bandages off.

He has a fine cut.

His upper lip is very nearly severed.

It is really almost 1 0cm in length.

A knife could not have done it better.

Is he in great pain?

Oh, but certainly. He is a very lucky man

not to have glass splinters in the wound.

- Glass splinters?

- It is a common accident in winter.

The snow freezes on the boot,

the warm room melts the ice,

and the little piece of slippery ice

lies in wait for the hurrying foot...

But to fall right through the glass window of

the British ambassador, that is not so common.

No, indeed.

And would you believe it?

We have another accident, in the next wing.

An officer. He is cut to the forehead. 1 2 stitches.

- Quite a coincidence.

- I go now to prepare your room.

- You are staying here, don't you?

- Yes, Nurse Erna, I do.

If you wish to speak to him,

please to shout.

(Shouts) I have got you into an awful mess.

Awful mess!

You've got me into a mess, too.

I forgive you.

Do you want me to write to your people

in England?

Parents?

Brother? Sister?

Fiancee?

Oh, you want your wallet.

Oh, your aunt.

What's the address?

Your aunt seems to like short letters.

What shall I tell her? The truth?

Accident. Hunting accident!

Do you know

Oberleutnant Kretschmar-Schuldorff is here?

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