The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp Page #6

He has a very bad cut on his forehead.

Eight stitches.

Oh, he has 1 2 stitches.

Here is refreshment, Miss Hunter,

- then you must depart for today.

- When can he have visitors?

- Wednesday is visitors' day.

- Every Wednesday?

Every Wednesday from 3pm to 5pm.

At 5pm,

a bell is rung for the end of visitors' hours.

(Bell rings)

Auf Wiedersehen, Liebchen.

Auf Wiedersehen, Onkel.

(Marching)

WOMAN:
Ulanen.

O, die wunderbaren Ulanen!

- After you, sir.

- Bitte sehr.

Nach lhnen!

What did he say, Aubrey?

- I think he wants us to go first, sir.

- We can't do that, can we?

Er, you and l,

you know, together.

Bitte sehr.

Wie nett.

- Was konnen sie bloss sein?

- Keine Ahnung.

- Englander.

- Oh, danke. Danke, Fraulein.

I had thought that no-one could smoke so much

as a German officer.

Now I see that a British officer can surpass him.

And not only in smoking, my dear Nurse Erna.

And in what else, also?

Eating, drinking, making love,

growing moustaches.

Miss Hunter, I am going to grow a moustache.

What is your opinion?

- Excellent. Our dragoons gave you the idea.

- You always find me out.

I saw them cross the vestibule,

preceded by their moustaches.

They nearly caused a diplomatic incident.

They collided with a party of Ulans

coming from...

My dear Miss Hunter,

soldiers cause military incidents.

They leave diplomacy to the diplomats.

A German officer would shave off his moustache

to show that he had a scar.

That's just one of the points where we differ,

my dear Nurse Erna.

- Will you like me with a moustache?

- How do you know you can grow one?

Nurse Erna, Nurse Erna,

is it permissible to insult the patients?

What view, if any, do you take

of my great moustache plan?

You are the moustache type.

(Plays tune)

Thank you.

Ooh!

She's taken away... Always tidying up.

Nurse Erna, where are my... Thank you.

- Is the British Army enjoying itself in Berlin?

- On the whole, yes.

They had lunch yesterday in

the regimental mess of the 1 st Dragoon Guards.

- The Kaiser and the Prince ofWales spoke.

- Spoke about what?

- Nobody could remember.

- When do they return to London?

In a week.

Would you care to accompany them?

- They'll have a special train.

- We could try,

or you could stay another five weeks

and come back with me.

- Great care must be taken of me.

- No doubt.

No answer at all. Will you or wont you?

- If you stay on, you may get another job.

- We'll see. Oh, are we going to play cards?

I asked Nurse Erna to fix up a bridge four.

We don't want to get bored.

The head nurse is finding a suitable couple

for you to play with after dinner,

but you must not stay up after 1 0:30

at the very latest.

- I promise you, Nurse Erna.

- You do play?

- Only whist.

- Oh, it's simple.

- Let's have a trial game of double dummy.

- I will bring a lamp.

You're a good pupil, Edith.

That's $32,000 I owe you. Toss you,

- double or quits.

- Agreed.

- Well, what is it?

- Heads. No, I mean tails.

Heads it is. Ha! We're quits.

Cigarettes, but please do remember, Mr Candy,

that smoking is bad for you.

- lch liebe Sie, Nurse Erna.

- You are an angel, Nurse Erna.

- (Knocking)

- There are our guests. Would you let them in?

Frau von Kalteneck.

Oberleutnant Kretschmar-Schuldorff.

Miss Hunter. Mr Candy.

Ich hoffe, Sie werden sich gut unterhalten.

How do you do?

- Kretschmar-Schuldorff.

- Yes, I know.

- Um zehn Uhr werde ich Sie wieder abholen.

- Danke.

I'm very glad you've come.

I promised Theo to make a little speech.

He would like to have made it himself.

Very much.

Theo knows only two English expressions -

"very much" and "not very much".

Stimmt, Theo?

- Very much.

- He would like to have come before.

Very much.

Only he was afraid

nobody could translate to you what he says.

Miss Hunter speaks German.

- She sprechen German.

THEO:
Was? Wirklich? Sie reden Deutsch?

Nicht sehr gut.

Ich finde, Sie reden ausgezeichnet.

Theo has heard that you took part

in the South Africa campaign.

- Ja, ja.

- And that you have won a very famous medal.

THEO:
Viktoria...

- Victoria Cross.

THEO:
Ja. Cross.

He envies you because a German officer

knows about war

- only from the newspapers.

- And mostly wrongly.

And mostly wrongly.

Let's have a drink, shall we? Sherry?

- I would love a glass of sherry.

- Would you like sherry?

Not very much.

Port?

Was nehmen Sie, Fraulein?

She and l, we drink Kirschwater.

- Oh, Kirschwasser!

- Yes, that's right. Kirschwater. Do you like it?

Very, very much.

Let me help you.

Do you know Berlin, Mr Candy?

The Hotel Kaiserhof, the British Embassy,

the Cafe Hohenzollern,

and the gymnasium

of the barracks of the 2nd Ulans.

I hope

we shall be able to show you more than that.

- Eine Zigarette, Oberleutnant?

- Danke sehr.

Do you like the opera? Concerts?

I prefer riding, hunting or polo.

I adore hunting, and I love sports.

Interessieren Sie sich fur Sport, Fraulein?

Nein, ich habe keinerlei Talent fur Sport.

Cut for partners.

- You and l.

- Sie und ich.

Furchtbar nett.

Ich hoffe, wir spielen jeden Abend.

- What's he saying?

- I hope we shall be able to play every night.

- Oh, yes, rather!

- Very much.

I say.

Oh, Baby-Face, I want you a moment.

- What is it? Those nursing home accounts?

- Yes.

Would you kindly explain

what the deuce this item means?

40 packs of playing cards!

- It's enough for the casino at Monte Carlo.

- I spoke to Miss Hunter about it.

The evenings were so long,

there's nothing to do at Stolpchensee.

Very well. Don't you ever do any work?

What? Oh, this.

First time this year. After all, it's mild.

Well, don't catch a cold. These nursing homes

are an expensive business.

- Is Miss Hunter returning to England?

- As far as I know.

- Well, not at our expense, I hope.

- Good heavens, no. She was going anyway.

Well, so was Candy, for that matter.

I know. He had a return ticket. It's expired.

Very well, buy him a new one.

- Righto.

- And get Candy to give you that old ticket of his.

We'll claim a refund at Cook's.

Half a mo, those things belong to Theo.

Put them with the alarm clock.

How's your own packing going?

- Not fast.

- Well, you'd better hurry up, then.

- I'll be all right.

- Dontyou be so sure.

We've only got half an hour and we've got to

call at the Embassy first. Stop mooning about.

- I'm not mooning about!

- Keep your hair on.

I say, old girl, what's up?

Edith, I say, what's the matter?

It's not because I didn't call for you yesterday,

is it?

- Frau von Kalteneck left for the south last night.

- Did she?

- You knew she was going.

- I'd forgotten.

It's not my fault if you don't like horses, is it?

We went to see her riding stables.

She's got some fine beasts.

They're a bit fat, though.

I say, old girl, do stop crying.

Suppose somebody came in.

- Nobody will come in.

- Look...

I promise to take you out

the first night we get back to London.

Her Majesty's Theatre, The Last Of The

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