The Lifeguard Page #3

for the future

is meant to be seized...

With both hands."

Both hands.

Oh. So embarrassing.

Both hands.

Both hands.

Really?

It's that funny?

Yeah.

Leigh London, valedictorian...

And virgin?

- Yes. See?

- What did I know?

Absolutely nothing.

Mm-hmm.

Shh, shh, shh, shh.

Shh, shh, shh, shh.

Hi.

Right.

I don't want to drive.

Tell him

you're too tired.

I'm very tired.

I'm tired!

Because I've had a long week.

No. John, I'm just tired.

Okay.

All right.

See you tomorrow.

Hey. I love you.

I'm sleeping over.

Yes!

I will prepare us cereal.

I'm so jealous of you.

Me? Why?

Because you get to be lost.

It's okay.

Hey.

I thought you lived

in fox crest.

Yeah.

And you were too f***ed up

to walk the 20 yards

back to your bed?

My mom kicked me out.

Because you were f***ed up.

I'm gonna go puke.

Here.

Better be careful, man.

You pass out like that in

Vermont, you froze in the snow.

Ah, the myth of Vermont.

Myth?

Shee-at.

It's on the map.

Next week.

Well, that's just not

gonna happen, man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know. I know.

But that's why I'm trying

to have a conversation with you

about cap rates. Right.

Exactly. Yes.

Well, that's why

I hired you.

Don't be an a**hole about it.

No, we don't trust bankers.

We do not trust bankers.

Okay?

We got this guy.

When he starts to push back,

that's what you do.

It's sort of like...

right. Yeah.

This is a, uh...

this is a chuck e. Cheese

we're talking about.

Obviously,

don't use that language...

but you know what I mean.

Let Me Take You

To the outside place

Whoo!

Whoo! Whoo!

Let Me Take You

To the outside place

Oww!

- Oh, Do You Wanna Go

- again! Again! Again!

To The Place Where you belong?

- Oh, Do You Wanna G

- oww!

To The Place Where you belong?

Do You Wanna Go?

Most people

get better with age

with driving.

He's actually

gotten worse.

I don't think that's...

no, because you started out

as a fairly good driver.

It was intentional

bad driving.

Was it? It was intentional?

Yes.

Leigh?

Give me a m...

number one,

you got a nice

community here.

Number two,

you have no respect for...

hey.

Leigh London.

How you doin'?

Hi, rick.

How are ya?

Listen, I know these guys.

Can I help at all

in this situation?

No.

This is police business.

- They're skating.

- and someone complained?

Or... is there

an ordinance against it?

I didn't think there was.

Ma'am, I'm gonna have to

ask you to go away now.

Unless you have

a valid reason to be cornering

these underage youths,

what you're doing right now

is called harassment.

Maybe I should take you downtown

for impeding an arrest.

Am I impeding an arrest?

If you have a reason

to arrest them

and you can prove it,

then, I mean,

by all means take me down,

'cause I...

I will understand.

No more skating.

But why, rick?

You're a real piece of work.

You're kind of a b*tch,

actually.

I'm sorry.

What was that, Officer?

You know I'm a reporter

for the associated press, right?

F***in' nuts.

So you're

just gonna take some

time off and then, uh...

I mean, what,

are you thinking of

a career change, or, uh...

Uh, I don't know.

Okay, well, are you gonna

look for something else

around here?

Or were you gonna

go back to the city

once the pool closes?

- I have no idea.

- okay.

That's... Good.

Good.

Ah, no.

No, thanks.

I will pass on that.

Uh, Leigh, evidently, will not.

Can you just keep...

Drinking your beer?

Yeah.

Let's try and have fun.

I know that it's weird,

whatever.

But... Let's just try

and have a good time.

Okay.

I can't believe

it's not developed yet.

It's a park, John.

Nature.

It's "pra-served."

We used to come

when we were little.

Remember Leigh had

all these plans about getting

married under the arbor?

I'm thinking

it's water table issues.

Otherwise the city

would've developed the sh*t

out of this place by now.

What does this

remind me of, Mel?

It's like, uh,

great expectations.

Right?

Remember that?

It's all overgrown

and old and everything.

No way.

This is a piece

of chandelier.

This is a crystal.

It's original.

I just found it.

Bullshit.

That's probably a hypodermic

needle. Let me see it.

No!

'Cause better classes now

at, you know, a better college.

I don't wanna go to college.

Okay.

What do you want?

I don't know.

Something cool.

Something...

Outside.

Wh-what does that mea...

You have to be specific.

You can't just drift.

What?

You seem really sad.

Well, it's just Leigh

never seemed like the kind

of person that would be lost.

You know?

Me, on the other hand...

yeah, well, you know,

real life can be

disappointing...

When your expectations

are so high.

I have high expectations.

You know what

I'm talking about.

Everybody does.

Well, whatever.

Excuse me.

I'm not gonna hang out

with those kids anymore. Okay?

Why not?

We didn't smoke weed.

Seriously, Mel?

I mean...

Leigh is being a f***ing idiot.

Okay?

I mean, Todd wants to,

like, rape those kids.

Hey. Hey.

You can't say that.

Look, I just wanna

hang out with adults.

Okay?

Is that too much to ask?

Great.

"Great"?

Fine!

Fine. It's fine.

What are you doing?

Slap my face...

With your dick.

Wh...

what's wrong with you?

Hey. Hey.

Hey, hey, hey, baby.

Hey.

I love you.

Okay?

I love you.

Hey.

It's okay.

I did a story about a guy

who kept a tiger

in his apartment...

In the city.

The tiger got sick and died.

Well, that'd be cool. Right?

To have a tiger as a pet.

And f***in' invite

everybody you hate

to the house.

What?

What?

It's not cool.

It's sad.

It's incredibly sad.

This creature was kept...

Against its will...

In a totally unnatural

environment for it.

And it was kept

in, like, a cell...

In someone's apartment...

For their amusement.

But it was cruel,

and it killed it.

Someone took

this amazing thing that...

that should have been

running free...

And kept it prisoner.

And it died.

And it was just...

it wasn't even full grown.

Well, maybe,

'cause you wrote the article,

you know...

um, I-if somebody

had an animal...

And they weren't

treating it right,

they would read

your article and...

and... Change their minds.

Yeah.

Maybe.

Oh.

Ohh!

Lifeguard?

Please don't ban me

from the pool.

You didn't listen.

You were behaving

in a way that was dangerous

to everyone.

Please!

I'm sorry!

You disobey

lifeguard's orders again,

and that's it...

you're out for good.

But you can come back.

Yes.

Well, um, lifeguard?

Can you tell

Little Jason and those guys

to leave me alone?

'Cause I said sorry to you now.

Okay.

What the f***!

You f***ing scared me.

It's raining.

So?

I recognized your car.

I should lock my doors.

No.

Where are

your no-good friends?

I don't know.

Where are your

no-good friends?

I don't know.

I'm... Gonna...

what?

Um...

You didn't bring an umbrella?

I didn't know

this would happen!

Hey.

Forgot your keys.

Thanks.

What's up?

What's goin' on,

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