The Lion of the Moguls Page #10

but you've got to get there,

and it's a miserable trip,

but no matter how it's supposed to go,

what the rules were yesterday, what

everyone thinks... thinks they know,

you know, none of that matters.

You have a job to do. Today you do it.

Andy.

You... You were always filming

with th-those... those

little... those little tapes

that you gave to Barney, right?

That he burned up with

the footage of Helen.

Yeah, the... the Mini DV tapes.

Yeah, I get them for,

like, 50 cents apiece,

so I just shot video nonstop.

I was going to give

you the tapes when we...

So you have all that stuff?

Yeah, all the way back to when

you hit everybody up for money.

You... You were always filming.

You have everything, then.

Yeah. On video, yeah.

I have all the tapes and

everything from the set.

So... So we can put

together a new film.

On video, yeah.

And we could edit it on my

Mac, but itd just be another...

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Didnt you tell me one time something

about being able to, you know,

turn videos into film or something?

A transfer, yeah, yeah.

But, I mean, that would

cost, like, 50 grand

to bump all this up to 35 mm.

16 might be less.

All right, all right, all right.

Regular movies are

35. It costs 50 grand.

Are you with me for one last thing?

Yes.

Start editing. Hmm?

Any sex, take it out.

Any nudity, take it out.

You can leave in the butts,

but I dont want to

see a hint of nipple.

- Do you understand me?

- Yeah.

I asked Howard for the 50

grand, and he gave it to me.

Good guy.

Round, round, get around

I get around, yeah, get around

And at that moment,

I took the word "porno" away

from the front of our film

and was left with just a film,

a movie with all the stuff... love,

friendship, violence, real life.

Real life. Hey, it beats porno.

There'd be no contest if

real life had more sex in it.

Anyway, Emmett and I,

we edited our new movie

in his apartment in the

back of the video store,

put in all kinds of new stuff.

He'd been taping the town

and all of us for a long time.

So then we had it transferred to 35 mm,

put in just the right amount of,

uh, what's called, uh, voiceover...

you know, me talking.

You know, I bet you anything

you look through history,

the best stuff didn't come from

guys knowing what they were doing.

It came from guys who really tried hard

and cared like hell.

Ooh

Wa-wa-ooh

Wa-wa-ooh

So then we had a movie

with a great title...

and more than one print.

Okay, and we jump ahead

now six months or so.

Here I am walking down the street.

So then Emmett knew about

these, uh, film carnivals.

They're kind of like, you

know, movie Mardi Gras,

uh, only not quite as many women

will show you their babaloos.

Anyway, our movie won one.

Ha ha ha ha!

They tell me a big one.

We made this movie with

the help of friends.

Its, uh, its really all it took...

uh...

and an arm.

Uh, we learned two

things, and I mean learned:

Nothing ventured, nothing gained,

and no guts, no glory.

Uh, you know, I mean,

dont be an idiot about it,

but, uh, yeah.

Happy to pass that on to you.

One of the reasons people

go to these carnivals

is to buy movies.

Our movie got bought for $2.4 million.

I'm told that's a very good price.

Who the hell are you, Santa Claus?

What, all fat white

guys are Santa Claus?

Thanks.

For purple mountains" majesty

When we got back from the

film carnival with the 2.4 mil,

yeah, there was a party.

Everybody was really happy.

America, America

The movie opened this weekend

in what they call a limited release,

but this guy from the studio said

it had a very high, uh,

per-screen average or something.

The genius part is... heh...

we still have a piece...

a piece at the back end, a big piece.

I did good.

Thanks for the car, man!

Thank you!

Oh. Here.

This you've really got to see.

Otis stuck with porno.

He's also the most

obviously happy person

you've ever met in your life.

Andy!

When I found out Emmett had been living

right on Main Street all that time

without any of us knowing

him, it really broke my heart.

It was time he take his

proper place in the community.

Oh, yeah. I, uh, promised

to tell or show you

why Barney wasn't at the premiere.

He and Helen were out of

town. They eloped. Nice, huh?

Yeah, I wanted to save it for the end,

just in case one or two of

you didn't figure it out.

Moose is also very happy these days.

Ive been having so much fun.

Okay, let's see. What

else do you need to know?

Uh, Some is an up-and-coming

writer director in Hollywood.

Everyone knows who he is.

He's the writer director with one arm.

Hi, honey. It's Peggy.

I'm looking for a producer.

I'm hoping you can

produce me a foot massage.

Uh, I'm leaving the ball

field. Do you need anything?

Peanuts, hot dog, some aspirin?

I love you, honey. I'll see you soon.

I just got back from L.A.

Hi. This is Mark

Miller from the studio.

Look, we love it. We love

you. We don't say that often.

We'd love to do something together.

Listen to me. I've never

said the word "love" this much

to someone who isn't 21 with...

Hey!

Ha ha.

Thel!

I always knew.

Thanks, Thel.

... big tits. Call me, brother.

Dad, just saw the movie

with all my friends.

It was great. They can't

believe you're my dad.

People keep calling.

Everybody thinks

you're really hot sh*t.

Congratulations. I love you, Dad.

I'll see you tonight, right?

I hope so. Bye, Dad.

Dad, just saw the movie

with all my friends.

It was great. They can't

believe you're my dad.

People keep calling.

Everybody thinks

you're really hot sh*t.

Congratulations. I love you, Dad.

I'll see you tonight, right?

I hope so. Bye, Dad.

...lations. I love you, Dad.

I'll see you tonight, right?

I hope so.

I love you, Dad.

The end. We hope you liked our film.

If I could, I'd say these words

I am a good man

If I could, I'd make it heard

I am a good man

A good man commits

A good man doesn't spit

A good man opens every door

A good man

Don't make out with whores

Someday I'm gonna say these words

I am a good man

Someday I'm gonna make it heard

I am a good man

A good man's for real

A good man can feel

A good man don't put

his fist through walls

A good man

Don't stay down when he falls

Haunted by my youth

Suffocated truth

A piece of me has to die

Before I find the strength to fly

Yeah, I'm gonna say these words

I am a good man

And I'm gonna make it heard

I am a good man

I am a good man

I am a loaded gun

I am my father's son

Always on the run

Searchin' for the one

And embracing none

I am a good man

I am a good man

I am a good man

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