The Long Weekend Page #6

Come back!

Hey, f*** Jo and Susie.

I know Rachel and Cassie.

Those chicks will f***

you at the same time!

- How are you doing?

- Fine.

All I have is $1.05.

Wow.

It's a $1.10.

Yes, but all I have is $1.05.

So if you could cut me some slack,

I'd really appreciate that,

because I spent last night in prison.

Oh, so you'd like special treatment

because you're a felon?

I will come back tomorrow

with the difference.

Twice the difference.

It doesn't work like that.

I want to go home.

Well, unless you've got $1.10,

you ain't going nowhere.

What is wrong with you people?

I pay my taxes!

I don't throw trash on the street.

I don't piss in alleyways

or graffiti walls!

I don't even have children

in the public school system.

I recycle my glass, my paper, my plastics.

I'm a good person, and I

just want a bus token.

Bye.

That's it? That's it?

If I'm not going home, no-one is!

You just can't keep out of trouble.

F***! Where did you come from?

Yes!

This is a perfect ending

to a perfect weekend.

I'm arresting you for disturbing the peace.

I just want a bus token.

And for begging.

Here you go.

Do you know this guy?

We live in the same apartment building.

I'll take him home.

All right.

- Lf you're sure.

- Mm-hm.

Are you OK?

Yeah.

Go on, now. Blow.

Come on.

Eugh

I'm sorry.

It's been a hell of a 48 hours and I guess

it all just got a little on top of me.

So what's happened,

if you don't mind my asking?

I haven't had sex in over a year.

Well, I can see how that would...

And my ex, who I was really hoping

to get back together with...

- got married.

- That is just...

I got arrested last night

for picking up a prostitute.

I didn't know she was a prostitute.

- Well, no wonder you're just...

- And because of that,

I spent the night in a prison cell

fending off the amorous advances

of a very giant man with a pierced scrotum.

Must be more dead animals about.

- You can fart on command?

- You can't?

I tried once, but just shat myself.

It's not something you try twice.

- Whoa. It's a big cat.

- Yeah.

- I hope the door opens soon.

- Yeah.

Uh, thanks for the bus token.

I'm feeling a lot... saner now.

Has anyone looked at that?

It'll heal.

Come on. It looks really nasty.

I got some antiseptic stuff and a Band-Aid.

Come on.

Wow. Those are great.

Who are they by?

A little known contemporary photographer,

Ellen Reece.

She's very talented.

Why, thank you.

- Ellen?

- Yeah.

I'm sorry. I never asked your name.

- I'm Ed Waxman.

- Hi.

You do this professionally?

I do now.

I was a model for a long time, but I quit

to spend more time behind the camera.

That's very brave.

Not really.

You're not brave to do what

you really want to do.

You're just an idiot

if you don't.

Do you want a BLT?

I am so hungry. Yes, please.

You never told me what you do.

Advertising.

You definitely getting fired tomorrow?

Yep.

"MY LITTLE DOG CHINA:

then You Know They're Wrong"

"You call to me"

"When your friends steer you wrong"

"And you treat them like an angel... "

I was planning on working this weekend.

Really buckling down.

But I got sidetracked by my brother's

futile attempt to get me laid.

You could say the only thing

that got f***ed this weekend was my career.

Sorry to hear it.

"Just act like they're right

when you know they're wrong"

"Just act like they're

right when you know... "

- Hold on. Ed!

Ed, Ed.

Sorry.

I thought you were someone else.

You know, Im...

I'm just not good with the women.

I'm not like my brother Cooper.

Thank God.

What?

That guy is the most self-centered,

shallow person I've ever met.

Have you seen this man?

"I know it hurts. "

- Uh-uh.

- No?

OK.

How about that man?

- Uh-uh.

- Thanks.

Do not think that Cooper is the ideal man

that all women are looking for.

To be honest, I think it's a bit sad that

a guy needs to have constant reassurance

that he's desirable.

It's a massive sign of insecurity.

You are so much more...

"You don't need to tell me"

"Love is like an enemy"

"If ever you should stumble"

"You just need a friend"

"You don't need to bend"

"Just act like you're right

when you know you're wrong"

Yeah, OK. You're sure you haven't seen him?

Not since the sixth grade?

OK.

No, no. Ehh... thanks, Spence.

If he does happen to get in touch with you

tonight, give me a call, all right?

No, I don't expect him to either.

Hi, God.

Cooper Waxman here.

I know I haven't been in touch for a while.

You might Know me better

as the Glen Kyoto Man?

My brother Ed has sort of gone missing.

Well, we argued, and he got

this really nasty bump on his head,

and I haven't heard from him since.

So I was thinking maybe you could

just go have a quick look around for him

and bring him back home.

Now, I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking, "Well,

sure, I could do that

for you, Cooper, but

what's in it for me?"

And fair enough.

So...

I tell you what.

If you find Ed

and you bring him back home safely,

I'll give up one-night stands for eh...

Come on, God. I'm only human.

I got it.

And this is fair.

I'll lead the sort of life

that Ed Wants me to lead.

I'll give up the ads, give

up the daytime soaps,

and I will concentrate

on serious acting jobs.

Is it a deal?

It's a deal.

So stop hanging around here

feeling so pleased with yourself

and get out there and find my brother.

"THE LIBERTINES:

Don't Look Back Into The Sun"

"Don't look back into the sun"

"Now you know that the time is come"

"And they said it would never

come for you, oh, oh, oh, oh"

"Oh, my friend, you haven't changed"

"You're looking rough and living strange"

"And I know you've got a taste for it too,

oh, oh, oh, oh"

"Don't look back into the sun"

"You cast your cards,

but you're on the run"

Hey.

I must've fallen asleep.

You looked so peaceful.

I didn't want to disturb you.

OK.

I'm going to go now.

I better go, so...

Sorry.

Don't be sorry.

You were very snuggly, it was nice.

Really?

Mm-hm.

You're welcome to stay, if you want to.

OK.

I guess I could... stay.

If you'd like to.

I could use the sleep.

"Central Park"

"I feel lost like the '60s"

"Had way too much of this city"

"And no girlfriend to miss me"

"it's a perfect day to start"

"Looking for my new sweetheart"

Oh

Oh!

Yeah.

Oh, God.

- I'm going to come.

- Oh, no.

- I'm going to come.

- No, not yet. Just a little longer.

What?

"All the girls come out"

"The girls come out"

Come on!

Oh. Come on!

Holy sh*t! That's it, I've got it!

- I've got it.

- You've got what?

- I've got an idea for work.

- What?

Oh, that's romantic.

Oh, no. That's not what I mean.

I wasn't even thinking about work.

Not at all.

But it just suddenly hit me.

You know, the idea

I've been looking for all weekend.

So, I got to go. I can save my career.

You know what, though?

That was amazing.

You were amazing.

You are the best thing

that has happened to me since...

.. Ever.

I got to go.

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