The Look of Love Page #4

for anything in my life.

Goodbye, then.

Mrs Raymond, you're smiling.

How much did you get?

Well, I'm very, very happy

with the settlement.

It entitles me to 250,000.

Well, this is a great day.

It's like throwing away your crutches.

I deserve every penny.

I've worked damn hard.

There he is.

Mr Raymond!

Mr Raymond, this is one of the

largest divorce settlements

this country's ever seen.

Ah, well, it's... I think you'll find

it's the largest divorce settlement

this country's ever seen.

Not bad for a boy who arrived from

Liverpool with five bob in his pocket.

Just gonna warn you,

I don't own the whole building.

Just the, uh, top floor.

Oh, I love it.

These are the two ladies with big balls.

Ladies with balls.

Spirit of Ecstasy.

- You'll be seeing a bit more of him.

- Yes, you love that.

And this is, uh, this is all

designed by Ringo Starr.

- Oh, really?

- Yes. That lamp's a bit low.

Uh, yes. It's nice, isn't it?

Ooh, I love it.

- Follow me, come on.

- Come on, I'm going to shoo you in.

I'm the Pied Piper.

Follow me into the, er...

Well, not the sewer.

That wouldn't be appropriate

but, uh, the bedroom.

- Fairy-tale bed.

- Yes, it is.

You could get Snow White and

the Seven Dwarves on here.

Starting with, um, Dopey,

and, uh, Happy.

No dwarves.

- Really?

- Mmm.

Press this button.

Ooh.

Better close your eyes.

That is amazing.

It's almost like living inside

a giant missile silo.

What, for your, uh, big rocket?

- Mmm. Yes.

- Mmm.

Your guest is seated

at your table, sir.

Excellent.

12,000 to you.

I tried doing a magazine in the '60s.

Uh, King. It didn't work.

That's because you didn't know

what you were doing.

We will persuade readers that,

by buying Men Only,

they are buying into the world

of Paul Raymond. Right?

The world of cigars

and exotic holidays and luxury cars.

This will take the world of Paul Raymond

out to the nation.

There will be lots of girls.

Beautiful girls,

beautifully photographed.

We copy the car magazines, right?

We have, as the face

of our magazine,

we have a hot female columnist,

right,

and she road-tests

the men of Europe.

I have a contact

at John Menzies.

Menzies have 5,000 newsagents.

That's their own newsagents.

Their distribution arm

covers another 20,000.

It's a perfect,

perfect market for advertisers.

Well, if you can, er, edit

as well as you talk,

then, er... I'm very interested.

We're looking for someone who would,

erm, road-test the men of Europe.

Me.

- Could be.

- I'd like that job.

And I'm a very good driver.

It wouldn't be cars

that you'd be driving.

The columns will have to sound sexy.

Yeah.

"Her lips parted.

"His hot, hard member

thrust into her. "

- It's a good start.

- That's good, that's good.

"He pushed his tongue deep into

her hot, wet, velvet p*ssy. "

Also good.

"He bit my lips hard

"and my whole body shuddered

"as his swelling member

forced its way inside me. "

Can I see you with

your clothes off?

If you give me the job.

We have to think what

we're gonna call you.

Emily Spankhurst?

- That sounds like a porn name.

- Come on, be serious.

Georgina Allcock.

Oh! I ona Jaguar.

I own a Jaguar.

Yeah, we got...

- I don't like I ona. I don't like I ona.

- Oh. Um...

Fi-ona. Fiona Jaguar.

It's too... It's too exotic.

- Fiona's good.

- Fiona Kent.

- Yeah.

- Fiona Kew.

- Fiona Richmond.

- Yeah, no, Fiona Richmond.

It's too like "Raymond".

It's too like you.

Perfect.

- Oh, that's so romantic and sweet.

- Fiona Richmond.

My name is Fiona Richmond.

I'm a professional journalist,

hired by Britain's new and most

sophisticated men's magazine

to travel my way around Europe

and ask penetrating questions.

Need somethi ng to make it

a bit less picnic,

a bit more cornucopia.

Here you go. This is luxury.

It is dead.

Should have had a crab.

Around the World in Eighty Lays

by Fiona Richmond.

- More fan mail.

- More?

Bloody hell, we've

created a monster.

And it's me!

Vladimir's strong hands

held me aloft

before dropping me down

on to his upright stalk.

"I wish that you would spank my

naughty bottom like mummy did. "

That might be for me.

- Think of me.

- Or, if it helps, think of me.

Look at Paul but think of me.

A bit more tit.

The butcher's counter at Harrods,

is at Harrods,

but it's still selling meat, isn't it?

Right, so...

I'm not sure I like Fiona

being compared to a piece of meat.

She's tasty, you want

to eat her. She's rare.

Pa, I was only smoking.

That's not really a crime, is it?

Well, you were smoking a marijuana

joint which is illegal, yes.

I can't believe...

that that fat cow expelled me.

You're the one that wanted to

go to that school. You insisted.

Well, I want to go to drama school.

I want to follow in your footsteps

and go out into the world

and do all of those things.

# I can hardly wait to hold you

# Feel my arms around you

# How long I have waited

# Waited just to love you

# Now that I have found you

# Don't ever go

- Here's to a star of tomorrow.

- Yes, absolutely.

Pa, thank you. Thank you.

- To Debbie Raymond.

- Cheers.

Cheers.

One thing, if it's going

to be an erotic show,

does that mean, um...

Would I be scantily clad?

No, you will not have to

take your clothes off, of course.

I would never ask my daughter

to do that.

'Cause the other people

on stage... Thank you.

- ... probably would...

- Yes, of course there'll be nudity.

- But you won't. No, no.

- I just wanted to make sure,

because I don't have the equipment

to, sort of, deliver the goods.

Remember to look up, look up.

Okay, now stay here.

One, two.

Really swivel those hips.

And two.

And look, and look and dance break.

At the sides.

Okay. Okay, okay, okay.

Stop, stop, stop, stop.

Cut, cut!

Cut.

Ok, let's get the girls in the hoops.

We've got Miss Nude International

followed by Genghis Khan

and Attila the Hun.

I think Genghis Khan and Attila

the Hun together is too much,

because it's basically

rape and pillage twice.

Ladies.

- Hello.

- Hi.

My soubrette.

My ingnue.

Do you think I look stupid?

You look beautiful.

Like a peacock.

Good afternoon, gentlemen.

Thank you all for waiting.

I hope I haven't kept you too long.

Uh, right.

Well, I'll set straight to it.

I'm here to announce

my latest production,

which is entitled Royalty Follies.

This will be the most expensive

production ever mounted

in the UK.

Uh, we understand that

your daughter is to be in the show.

Will she be topless?

No, she will not.

Isn't that a double standard?

Someone had to keep their clothes on

and Debbie bravely volunteered.

Good.

Okay.

# My baby does it good

# He treats it like he should

# When I'm feeling down

# When I'm feeling gloomy

# I tell you now

he really socks it to me

# Shooby-do and sure enough

# My baby really knows his stuff

# Yeah, my baby does it good

# My baby does it good

# Thank you for coming to Follies

# We hope that we'll see you soon

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