The Look of Love Page #5

# We'd like you to know

just before you go

# Thank you for seeing our show

- Good morning, Dennis.

- Morning, sir.

- How are you?

- Very well, thank you.

Good, good.

How bad is it?

Bookings just aren't coming in.

If it carries on like this

we're gonna take a real beating.

I don't understand. It's baffling.

I mean, there's something

for everyone in that show.

Is it the black and white baby or...

Oh, that's my favourite.

I love the black and white baby.

It's bloody hilarious.

I mean, we've got dolphins

pulling knickers off girls

for goodness sakes.

I mean, what's not to like?

Excuse me, Mr Raymond, I've got

a gentleman on the phone for you.

He says he's your son.

Well, just take his number.

I get a lot of crank calls.

Well, we've got to make sure

that Fiona's next show is a knockout.

- Yeah.

- We have to...

make as big a splash as possible.

Bigger than those damn dolphins.

My name is Paul Raymond.

This is Fiona Richmond.

Fiona Richmond is starring

in the West End farce Let's Get Laid,

starting this Thursday night.

If you enjoy, as I do,

looking at nude ladies,

please do come along.

You shan't be disappointed.

That's disgusting.

No, it's not disgusting.

It's perfectly natural.

If it's good enough for Lady Godiva,

it's good enough for Fiona Richmond.

That's enough now.

Enough fun. Get off.

- Sorry, everyone.

- Come on, you've had your laughs.

Come on. All right, get rid

of the horse, it's blocking the road.

- Hi. Hello.

- Lady Godiva.

- How are you?

- Oh, it went brilliantly.

Paul. Fiona.

Let's get laid.

I'd rather see a beautiful lady

with her top off

than a middle-aged man

with his pants down.

I mean, who wants to see Brian Rix

with his trousers down all the time?

Me!

Well, well, well. Deborah Raymond.

I didn't know you were here.

- Hello. You look gorgeous.

- Oh, hello.

Oh, you were wonderful this evening.

- Don't, I'm hardly in it.

- No...

This is all down to you.

Mwah! Hello, Mr Raymond.

Pa's really happy and

it's a smash hit, isn't it?

Mmm-hmm.

You're a very lucky man, Paul,

getting to share your bed with

such a beautiful and talented woman.

- Are you flirting with my girlfriend?

- Ah, I might be.

Should I be jealous?

Well, that's up to you.

How are the Follies going?

Oh, Tony, I don't want

to talk about it.

Well, my apartment's right at the top,

so there's very little light pollution.

You can actually see the

stars from the bed.

I'd love to see it.

Are you all right, Debs? Are you okay?

Tired.

And I also have a sun...

sunbed above the bed

so you can get a tan

at the same time.

I have something

that'll cheer you up.

- Have to do it quick, right.

- Yeah.

This way... Trumpet. Toot-toot!

This way, right?

Ha! There you go.

Wow, it's amazing!

Ah! Home at last.

- I love you.

- I love you, too.

I'm so glad you guys

love each other.

And, er... and I like you a lot.

Wouldn't it be awful if we didn't?

- And I like you a lot.

- Good.

- Here's Debbie.

- Hello.

Hello, darling.

Do you want us to, um, head on

when she... when she comes in?

- Uh, yes. Yes, if you wouldn't mind.

- Could be a little bit awkward.

- Hello.

- Hi.

- How are you?

- Hello.

- Come, have a seat.

- Oh, thank you, Carl.

- There we are.

- Hi.

Thank you.

- Would you like a drop?

- Yes, please.

- How are you?

- How's the voice?

It's okay. It was a bit hoarse

when I woke up this morning, yeah.

It doesn't sound hoarse.

And, more importantly,

you don't look like a horse.

Yeah, you certainly don't.

Not at this moment in time.

Pineapple juice is what you want

for the throat.

Tony, we ought to, uh...

- Yes, yes, yes, yes.

- See you at the bar.

Just a second.

- See you in a little bit.

- See you in a bit.

Apparently, as well,

if you have chocolate

it's good for your voice.

It soothes it.

Um, I was thinking, uh,

we should think, er...

of perhaps finding another vehicle

for your talents.

I really like the Follies, though.

I know. I just think, you know,

we should find something else.

I don't think we should.

I really enjoy it

- and I really enjoy it every night.

- I'm thinking of cancelling the show.

The public were not ready.

They didn't understand it,

they didn't get it. More fool them.

I mean, is it my...

is it my fault?

No, it's not.

Of course it's not your fault, no.

It was haemorrhaging cash, you know.

I've got to balance the books,

you know, that's...

Well, what am I gonna do now, Pa?

I want to be able to act

and I want to be able to sing.

And I was doing that

and now everyone's going to...

Don't cry.

But they're going to know that

I was in the show that you put me in

and I wasn't good enough

and now nobody's going to hire me

in anything else ever again.

Don't cry.

I'm sorry, Pa, but I'm upset

about what you've just told me!

But don't cry!

The show's losing money!

I can't haemorrhage cash

just because you want to sing.

Don't cry, there's nothing to cry about.

- I can't help crying, I'm sorry.

- There's nothing to cry about!

I'm sorry.

Dry your tears. Come on.

Come on, dry your tears.

Anything else for Miss Raymond?

Can I have some champagne?

Would you like another

bottle of champagne?

Yes. Yes, please, Carl.

Your mascara's running.

I'm just gonna go, um...

I'm just gonna go to the loo.

Tony, do you have,

um, a pick-me-up?

- Are you all right, sweetheart?

- I'm okay. Yeah.

Yeah, thank you. Thanks.

- Didn't take that so well.

- No, she didn't.

I think you should watch that.

- Oh, she's fine. She's a big girl.

- She's a kid.

- Hi.

- Good evening, Tony.

Evening.

Deb?

Um, I'll have a vodka tonic,

thank you.

And a scotch, please.

- It's quite phallic, isn't it?

- Yes.

If my penis was shaped like a saxophone

I'd seek urgent medical attention.

There's Pa over there

with those girls.

They look about 12 years old.

I tell you, I did love the show, but...

You know what he's like.

Yeah, I do know what he's like.

That's what pisses me off.

Well, I've got some hard feeling.

Well, I will have later...

Look, come on, let's do a line.

Is she angry with Daddy?

Okay.

Keep these two lovely dishes

on the boil.

'Cause I'm working up

quite a large appetite.

Excuse me.

Oh, do you mind?

Oh, hi. Er, right.

This isn't what it looks like,

obviously.

No, we... we were literally

just having a snog in the ladies.

No. No, no, no. Whoa! No, no, no.

We were just...

Where did you get this?

If you're just buying it

off some random guy in the street,

you're crazy. It's junk.

If you're gonna do this kind of thing,

get the good stuff.

Yeah, well, that's mine, Paul,

so it is the good stuff, so...

Oh, right. Well, good.

But thank you for your advice.

I will remember that forever.

- Tony, uh, take her home.

- Pa.

- Come on, Debs. Come on.

- Are you being serious?

No, this is the first time

I've been happy all day long.

- Come on, Debbie. Look, this is...

- Dad...

I'll put you in a cab.

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