The Major and the Minor Page #3

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if you have any trouble with your buttons.

Oh, I haven't had any button trouble

for a long, long time.

Anything wrong?

Stomach again?

How do you feel, Su-Su?

So-so.

Ouch!

Ouch!

I'm sorry.

Who's sorry?

I'm sorry.

Oh, hello, Su-Su. All right down there?

Well, it's just the lightning. It woke me up.

Just a minute.

What are you doing?

Fix that curtain for you.

Well, just a minute...

Oh, blast the dog-blasted contraption!

Of all the impractical, unworkable...

Ouch!

- I'm sorry, Su-Su.

- That's all right.

You know, you shouldn't be afraid

of thunder and lightning.

I'm not.

Of course you are. Every youngster is.

I was at your age.

Every time there was a storm at night,

I used to crawl in with my Aunt Jenny.

Remember, I'm only your niece.

Uh-oh. This is going to be a bad one.

Hold on tight.

Right here on Uncle's shoulder. That's better.

I wish you'd believe that I'm not a bit afraid.

Yes, you are. I can tell by your voice.

- Oh, please!

- You're in an absolute panic, child.

Don't you know

what causes thunder and lightning?

Electricity.

Why, nonsense. It's those dwarfs

doing a little bowling up there.

Little red-cheeked fellows with beards

having a good time.

Are you sure?

Hear that ball roll?

That was a strike. All ten pins. That's all it is.

What about lightning?

Lightning?

Well, that's when they light their pipes.

One of them must have set fire to his beard.

That's the girl.

Well, suppose we start putting you

back to sleep, hmm?

If you please.

Pretty soon,

those dwarfs are going to start back home,

climbing over a big white fence.

There goes one now! You see him?

Yeah, but he's a little blurry.

Well, if you look too hard,

you can't see them at all.

There goes another one and another.

- Five dwarfs, six dwarfs...

- You're cheating.

The fifth one never got over

because he caught his pants on a picket.

All right, so the sixth one helped him,

and they're both over.

- Seven dwarfs.

- Seven dwarfs.

- Eight dwarfs.

- Eight dwarfs.

- Nine dwarfs.

- Nine dwarfs.

Ten dwarfs.

Twenty dwarfs.

Twenty-one dwarfs.

A hundred dwarfs.

A hundred and thirty dwarfs.

A hundred and thirty-one dwarfs.

Good morning, there.

Good morning. Kind of splashy, still.

Will the New-York train be on time?

Sure won't.

It's stuck right outside of Brownsville.

Oh, poor Phillip.

Confounded inefficient

communication system! What is it now?

Oh, it's that bridge over the river.

And the railroad raised it 5 feet last year.

Should have raised it 10.

How about the turnpike? Is that clear?

Milk truck made it all right.

Good.

Now, Pamela, we're not going to plough

through 20 miles of water,

Phillip or no Phillip.

Oh, Father, don't be tiresome.

We certainly can't leave him on that train

all by himself.

Thank the Lord, in my day,

young women had more reserve.

Good morning, Uncle Phillip.

Good morning, Su-Su.

What are you doing,

conducting an orchestra or something?

Just a bum eye.

I give it a 10 minute workout twice a day.

I wondered about your eyes.

You mean, they're crossed?

Oh, no.

I wouldn't mind that.

You see, as far as regulations are concerned,

that wouldn't disable me.

I just spent a week in Washington

trying to get back into active service.

We in a station or something?

- No, train's being held up.

- Held up?

Oh, no cause for alarm.

Just a little water over a bridge.

I'm kind of glad.

We're liable to be stuck here

for quite some time.

That's what I mean.

Then you can't get off so soon.

Why, you sweet child!

I'm going to get you some breakfast.

What do you want?

- Just some coffee.

- Coffee.

Coffee? They don't let you have coffee?

Well, just a few drops in a big glass of milk.

I call it coffee.

Ah! And some nice cereal, huh?

I'm going to ask them in the club car

if they have a Parcheesi board.

Then we can play until the train goes again,

until I get off, okay?

- Well, about that Parcheesi...

- Rather make it checkers?

After breakfast, I'd rather talk.

There's something I'd like to explain.

What?

Maybe I better get dressed first.

You know, Su-Su,

you're a very peculiar child.

You bet I am.

Conductor, I'm looking for Major Kirby.

Major Phillip Kirby? He's on the train.

Kirby?

Killian, King, Kilkallen, Kirby.

Drawing room G, car 64.

- Right there, ma'am.

- Thank you.

Phillip?

Phillip?

Phillip boy!

Phillip.

Guess who came to rescue you.

# You can't get him up

You can't get him up

# You can't get him up in the morning #

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

I beg your pardon.

I must be in the wrong drawing room.

- Or am I?

- Or are you?

Quiet.

The conductor's not supposed to know.

Nor, I imagine, am I.

Oh!

Why, Pamela, hello!

How did you get on this train?

I was worried about you, Phillip, darling,

so I drove 27 miles over suicidal roads

to find out how my poor lonely Phillip

occupied himself on his trip home.

Pamela, what are you talking about?

I happen to have been in your drawing room

and seen that woman.

- Pamela...

- Don't stand there looking innocent!

How cheap! How loathsome!

And on your way back to see your fiance!

But, Pamela, this is insane. This is utterly...

Yes, utterly, utterly!

Anything wrong, Uncle Phillip?

Yeah, a little nosebleed maybe.

Here's your milk, Su-Su.

Thank you.

That lady that was just in here,

is she your wife?

'Cause she banged my nose? No, she isn't.

Good.

I mean, I know what's good for a nosebleed.

Oh, never mind, Su-Su.

This is what my mother does.

Unbutton your collar.

Something cold down your back,

that'll stop it.

This is all so silly!

My fault, isn't it?

Oh, don't worry about it, Su-Su.

It'll straighten out.

Now, lean forward a little.

This may be a little chilly.

Stop!

I feel contaminated.

Absolutely contaminated!

You're hysterical, Pamela.

I don't believe it, not about Phillip Kirby.

There!

Now, do you believe me, Father?

Laughing! Laughing at us!

He laughs last who laughs best

who laughs first...

Or whatever the confounded proverb is!

I'll show him.

- Jiminy Christmas! Holy mackerel!

- Who was that?

Just my Commanding Officer,

head of the institute.

I was in hot water before,

but now it's boiling oil!

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Listen, Su-Su.

- I've got to ask you a terrific favour.

- What?

But it's too idiotic.

But you'd have to wait anyway

till the trains can go again.

Well, what do you want me to do?

I'll have to ask you to come along with me.

Come along with you?

To clear this thing up.

Don't you see? The Colonel

must be absolutely convinced that I...

Well, you couldn't possibly

understand it, Su-Su.

You mean, I'm too young?

Yes, it's a sort of grown-up foolishness.

Just accept it and don't ask questions.

Will you do it for me, please?

Oh, I'd love to. I like to be with you.

I mean, you've been so nice to me.

Bless your heart, child.

Now, about your parents.

Well, there's just my mother.

Well, I'll send her a telegram

that'll absolutely put her at ease.

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