The Major and the Minor Page #8

---

# Sweet Sue

Just you

# And the moon up high

Knows the reason why

# Sweet Sue

It's you

# No one else it seems

Ever shared my dreams

# And without you, dear

I don't know what I'd do

What's that?

It's your convoy to the dance,

the Guard of Honour.

# Sweet Sue

Just you #

All right, all right!

She'll be down as soon as she's ready.

And stop straining your tonsils

while your voices are changing.

I wish you were coming along, Lucy.

Listen, I wouldn't go

for an articulated skeleton.

Gloves?

- It's a must.

- A must?

All the cadets must wear them, too,

just as dancing cheek to cheek is a must-not.

A distance of not less than one foot

from your partner, that's a must.

Newfangled, outlandish steps, must-not.

How many musts and must-nots are there?

Twenty-three musts and 24 must-nots.

Anything about dancing with the faculty?

It's not a must.

Just so long as it's not a must-not.

Su-Su Applegate! Su-Su Applegate!

Su-Su Applegate!

Well, you better go now, Sue.

Junior wolves are howling.

Well, the bus is here.

The zombies have arrived.

The who?

The giris from Miss Shackleford's school.

- We use them for women.

- Yeah.

We may as well warn you,

there's an epidemic

at Miss Shackleford's school.

- An epidemic?

- Yeah, they all think they're Veronica Lake.

Look.

As Cadet Adjutant of this school,

I have taken the liberty

of reserving the first dance.

Oh, how lovely.

You better call out the riot squad.

Amazing the appeal that kid has.

I shudder to think what she'll be like

when she's older.

She just happens to have something.

It's not her fault.

No? Have you noticed

that she plucks her eyebrows?

Let's not pull her apart. It's her last evening.

Some very odd reports have come through

about her jam session with Wigton

at the phone board.

- Haven't you forgotten that?

- It seems some telephoning went on.

Long-distance telephoning.

- Well, maybe she called her mother.

- No.

No, not her mother.

Quite a bit more peculiar.

That's all I can say just now.

Good evening, Uncle Phillip.

Your dance card filled up

like a hole in the water, didn't it?

- Sort of.

- Let's see.

- I saved one for you.

- You did? How?

I held my thumb over the third waltz. See?

Su-Su, this is your big night.

You shouldn't waste it on me.

You don't want it?

All right, but I warn you, I can't reverse.

So I'll get dizzy,

and you'll have to hold me up.

What's that?

Colonel Hill is about

to officially open the ball.

- Who's she?

- Miss Shackleford.

Pardon me, sir. Our dance, Miss Applegate.

I tell you, Pop, I've got to have $2.

Now, Clifford, I should think

you'd want to spend the evening with us

when we've come all the way from New York.

Oh, come on, Pop.

The only way I can get a dance with her now

is by buying one from McDougal,

and he wants $2.

Are you sure you wouldn't rather

buy yourself

- a good recording of a Brahms concerto?

- Heck no!

Oh, Clifford.

She must be quite a girl.

Can't wait to meet her.

Must not!

Must not!

Boy, the way you make with the feet.

It's like dancing with a puff of wind.

Must not!

Provincial stuff.

Back home in New York, of course,

I do most of my stepping at the Stork Club.

Look, I've got visiting-parent trouble.

They're just dying to meet you.

- But this is the third waltz coming up!

- Come on, come on. Come on.

Mom, Dad, meet Su-Su. We're thataway.

At least, I am.

Clifford, that dreadful slang!

How do you do, my dear?

- How do you do?

- I think I've had the pleasure before.

I don't think you've had the pleasure.

I could swear.

Haven't we met her someplace?

- Now, wait a minute, Dad. I saw her first.

- Of course we haven't, Albert.

Well, then I must've sometime

when you weren't around.

Seen her, I mean,

on a bus or a soda fountain.

Maybe you're somebody's daughter.

I don't know. I'm of Swedish stock.

- I sometimes eat smorgasbord.

- Albert, please!

Do you attend Miss Shackleford's school,

my dear?

I'm staying at Colonel Hill's.

Oh, my, this is the third waltz.

Have you been in New York lately?

I was in Chicago once.

Will you excuse me, please?

Look, if anybody breaks his leg,

I'll take the dance, huh?

Okay.

- I must have...

- You haven't, Albert.

Well, I wish you'd be

a little more sympathetic.

This is just like a crease

down the middle of my brain.

- Uncle Phillip!

- Oh, hello. I was looking for you.

I thought you ditched me for a younger man.

- We missed a whole round.

- We did?

Well, easy at first, now.

One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two...

Beg your pardon, sir. Telegram, Major Kirby.

Oh. Sorry.

If this is what I think it is...

- Washington.

- Washington!

- How does it sound? Yes or no?

- Open it, open it!

Pardon me, Su-Su.

I know I have, but where was it?

Albert, you haven't.

Oh! Good glory, Phillip!

Bless you, Pamela. It came through.

It's settled. In the bag. Don't you see?

- What?

- The transfer!

And she did it!

This magnificent girl clinched it.

First she wrote a letter, then telephoned

to McWerther's wife to hurry it through.

- Behind my back.

Let me see that!

- Phillip, I'm green with envy.

- I know how much you wanted it, Major.

Well, I'm terribly glad for you, Philip,

but don't you think we should discuss it

a little? It's rather radical.

How about a little damp night air?

Oh, I'm sorry about our dance, Su-Su.

That's all right. And congratulations.

- Thanks.

- Yes.

Thank you very much, Su-Su.

- Albert, your heart isn't in this waltz.

- No, my dear, it isn't.

Why don't we sit down?

This thing is driving me crazy!

You know, Pam, it's as if a great big stone

had rolled right off my heart. Kerplunk!

- And right on mine. Kerplunk.

- Oh, not really.

There was a little matter

of our wedding plans, remember?

- I didn't forget that.

- Did you read that telegram?

"Report to Washington within one week."

So we cancel the elaborate plans,

get a licence in the morning,

and Reverend Doyle marries us around noon.

We could even have a couple days

honeymoon in Hot Springs.

Everything a little condensed

as in the Reader's Digest. No thanks.

But what the deuce, Pam! Didn't you

want me to get it? Didn't you help me?

Oh, I know. I'm unreasonable.

I should love it.

A fire-alarm wedding,

then my life postponed indefinitely,

put away in mothballs like a plush curtain.

A war widow with no war in sight. No.

No, it's too idiotic, Phillip.

But this doesn't make sense.

You went to very special trouble...

If I did, it was a mistake!

And I'm perfectly sure it isn't too late now...

Oh, yes, it is. My decision is made.

If you want to change yours

as far as we two are concerned, well...

Is that an ultimatum, Phillip?

Look, Pam...

- Cadet Osborne?

- Yes, sir?

- This your dance?

- No, sir.

Well, it's mine.

One, two, three. One, two, three.

One, two, three.

Why, I'm magnificent!

I've just been through an experience

I thought would break my back

and weigh me down like lead,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes