The Major and the Minor Page #7

---

That's a letter Pamela gave me to mail.

It's got the stickiest glue.

- That's a federal offence, baby.

- Well, it's too late now.

"Mrs George T. McWerther,

Washington, D.C."

"Cornelia darling, you beguiling creature,

"I know you couldn't be more surprised

to hear from me.

"It's been practically a year since I sent you

the recipe for quail stuffed with chestnuts.

"Now I'm the one asking you a favour.

"Your husband ran into my fianc

in Washington."

Here she goes.

"Phillip is an impetuous soul who insists

that war is impending and he must be in it.

"Such nonsense.

The fact is, he's essential here.

"I'm appealing to you to prevent

this foolish transfer.

"Do be a beguiling ngel and see to it

that your husband knows the real facts.

"All of them. So much love, darling. Pamela."

Scorched-earth policy.

What's the matter?

How would you like Pamela to write

Cornelia-darling another letter?

Oh?

Or better than that, why can't Pamela

call Cornelia-darling on the telephone?

- It's an urgent matter, isn't it?

- Do you think you could?

Well, I could try.

I always knew you'd help.

I didn't.

Where's the nearest telephone?

Downstairs, but that's not safe.

There's one in the administration building,

but that's not safe either.

They all go through the school switchboard.

What about the village?

Five miles away.

Holy Toledo.

And those cadets on the switchboard

listen to every word.

Are there cadets on the switchboard?

Taking turns.

Madame Curie, what have you

in the way of an evening dress?

I've got a blue velvet

that shows part of the collar bone.

Well, get it out.

And while I'm changing,

you can brew me some perfume.

Hello.

- You're not supposed to be in here.

- I know.

But I heard your voice over the phone.

I wanted to see how you look.

- Well, what's the matter with my voice?

- Nothing. I like it.

Hold it.

Funny you're saying that.

You know,

they kicked me out of the glee club.

- What's your name?

- Korner.

They call me Cozy.

And you're still not supposed to be in here.

- Yes?

- This is Colonel Hill.

I'm coming down with a cold.

Get the infirmary

and tell them to send me over some aspirin.

And never say, "Hold it",

to your commanding officer again!

Yes, sir, Colonel Hill. Right away, sir.

I'm sorry, sir.

Cozy, it's just wonderful the way

you work all those buttons and lights.

- You must be awfully smart.

- I'm up for the Wallace medal.

All those extensions and things.

How do you do it?

And sometimes, maybe

you have to put in a call for way out of town.

That's this end cord right here.

You just plug it in there.

- I wish you'd show me how they all work.

- I'd love to.

- Maybe if I'd come over and sit close to you.

- Oh!

How about next Tuesday at 4:00?

- That's when I'm on switchboard duty again.

- Not now?

I'm going to be relieved any minute.

But I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll take you over to the canteen

and buy you a cherry pop,

even if I am engaged.

Well, I'm certainly not going out

with an engaged man.

Well, maybe it isn't exactly an engagement.

It's more like an understanding.

Cadet Lieutenant Wigton

relieving Cadet Sergeant Korner.

Hello, Lieutenant.

She'll never know anything about it.

She lives in Minneapolis.

That's a very cheap attitude.

I hate to leave feeling you despise me.

I owe it to the other woman. Here.

Hello? I'll connect you with the mess hall.

I'm sorry, Captain Durand. I'm ringing it.

Going to the dance on Saturday?

You bet, but not with you.

Why are you cross with me?

You're very unsatisfactory. Scram.

- Hello?

- I'm running a fever, young man!

This is the second time I've called.

Get the infirmary and tell them

to send that aspirin over at once!

Yes, Colonel Hill!

Infirmary. Infirmary.

Mad on account

of what happened at the cannon?

Hard to get!

Maybe you can play that with a private,

not with a lieutenant. Infirmary!

- I'm a good dancer.

- Not interested.

- Infirmary!

- Can you do this?

Can you do this?

Wow!

Adequate.

Hello? Chem lab?

Here you are.

Come on. Show me another one.

Okay.

One, two, three.

- Murder!

- I wish we had some music.

# A radio or phonograph

Radio or phonograph #

I got a portable radio.

You have? You couldn't go get it?

I'm on switchboard duty.

Well, I can't go into the dormitory,

but I could watch the switchboard.

I don't think so.

I do it all the time in school.

There're not many calls now, are there?

# Not many calls now, are there?

Not many call #

It's my post.

I've got a friend whose sister married a man

in Benny Goodman's band.

That sort of puts me

on to some new routines.

- Benny Goodman?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No calls for cadets after 8:00!

Give me long distance.

Long distance, this is Wallace Military.

I want to talk to Washington, D.C.

Telephone listed under the name

of Lieutenant Colonel George T. McWerther,

1350 Potomac Street Northwest.

And this is urgent.

Hello?

What drills are scheduled for tomorrow?

Well, I'll connect you

with the drill department.

Switchboard! Switchboard! Who is this?

But I don't want the gymnasium!

What idiot is on the switchboard?

This is not the infirmary. It's Major Kirby.

This is not the armoury. It's the infirmary.

Hello, Washington?

Is this the residence

of Lieutenant Colonel George T. McWerther?

Well, I have a call for Ms McWerther

from Miss Pamela Hill.

This is Ms McWerther? All right, Miss Hill.

Go ahead.

Cornelia, darling, you beguiling creature!

Of course it's Pamela.

I know you couldn't be more surprised.

How long has it been?

Almost a year?

How did my quail recipe turn out?

Isn't that chestnut stuffing too beguiling?

You did?

A great big party?

The Chief Justice and Morgenthau, too?

I'm sure he asked for more gravy.

Well, how beguiling!

Kitchen? I'm not calling the kitchen!

No, this ain't the daily trumpet call.

It's the main gate.

Sorry, this is the daily trumpet call.

Is this the switchboard?

But I don't want Pershing Hall!

After all, this is long distance,

and you don't mind my coming to the point?

Well, your husband has been an ngel

and promised to get my fianc

a transfer to active service.

I can't tell you how important it is.

He's just disintegrating here.

Do talk to George and talk and talk and talk

until he does it.

Any transfer, Iceland, Trinidad.

Of course I love him,

but I want him to be happy.

All right, so we'll have

to postpone the honeymoon. So what?

May I depend upon you, darling?

It's so terribly, terribly important.

Time's up, darling. So much beguiling love.

I thought I just had a cold.

I must be delirious.

It's all my fault. I thought it would be fun.

Fun? Didn't we have a talk this afternoon?

Oh. The light bulb? I forgot.

Su-Su, I'm disappointed in you.

Where in blazes is the cadet on duty?

- It's all my fault.

- Where is he?

Here he comes.

A woman's a two-face...

- Where are you going?

- To the guardhouse, sir.

# Every star above

Knows the one I love

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes