The Man Who Knew Too Little Page #4

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and nothing outside!

Maybe you do not trust

made-in-Britain timing mechanism!

If your chap, Boris, has botched the job,

I'm sure that my...

What is it?

The plumbers say

an American killed Spenser...

...kidnapped the girl, grabbed the letters

and got away.

Doesn't that just bite it?

Hello, Sergei, I think we may have

a bit of a problem.

Police. Quick. Turn the lights on.

- They're on.

- License?

Relax, the van is kosher.

Wait a minute. Are those real cops?

Good point. They could be Gilbert's men.

We gotta lose them. Move it!

I'd love to.

We got a right one here now.

Follow him. Keep following.

All right, who's going to stop here?

Sorry, coming through.

I follow.

- Follow, no follow, you cretin!

- This van is rubbish!

It's not the van! This man is good!

He's very good!

Oh, man, they give you a real car chase.

You get to smash their stuff.

You guys can't be making a dime on this.

Come and get me!

What's he on?

This is great.

Here comes trouble.

Don't exhale.

- Want me to call for backup?

- For what?

For a bloody Mini? You must be joking.

I've always wanted to do this.

I've always wanted to do that.

Yeah. Me, too.

That's gonna cost him.

We're losing them.

Oops! Sorry.

Force of habit.

Absolutely bloody brilliant.

Spenser, stop.

Come on.

Spenser, stop it.

I feel sick.

Sod this. Hang on, Bill.

Clench your buttocks.

Where'd they go?

That was fun.

Tomorrow night, I wanna go this way.

I don't think it's fair for these guys.

They can't possibly stay with me...

...going right to left.

I like mine.

I think I saw his face

in a dream someplace.

Would you mind stepping out of the car,

please, sir?

You want to tell me

what you think you were doing?

Back in the straightaway...

...95.

I could've gone faster,

but I'd have lost you.

You, too, young lady.

I hope you two are secure in your work...

...because my husband's

on urgent government business.

Really?

You'd better stop staring at my legs, too,

otherwise he's gonna get really jealous.

Can I see your driving license, sir?

No, you may not!

The guys in the first scene

have already taken it.

I'll show you my two-way radio...

...with which you may communicate

directly with my superiors.

Breaker, breaker.

Coming out there for that good old H.Q.

Come on back.

Very funny, sir.

Mind if I have myself a cigarette

while I wait for Scotty to beam me up?

Knock yourself out.

Yes, come in. We're receiving you.

Go ahead and say hi.

- Hello?

- Who is this?

Police Constable Cochrane

from Shepherd's Bush.

What are you doing using

one of our communicators?

This gentleman refused to show me

any identification.

Of course he didn't show you

any identification. He's a secret agent.

Put me on to him at once.

I'm sorry, sir.

It's all right. You're just doing your job.

I'm proud of you.

This is Spense.

So you're still calling yourself that,

are you?

I think I just might, until 11:30.

How he mocks us.

What do you want?

Would you excuse me one second?

Of course.

May I step out of character

for just one minute?

I wish you would.

I think the reason my brother got me

into this was to impress the Germans.

And if it ends here with the police...

...I don't think he's gonna be happy.

But I think we can offer you

a more rewarding scenario...

...than the police could provide.

Great.

Fabulous.

Would you give us a moment to confer?

How much left in the slush fund?

A million and a half.

- And Sergei's?

- The same. If we arrange a meeting...

They're fixing it.

Oh, great.

Great handcuffs. The ones I've got

have a chain in the middle.

- Yeah, the old ones.

- I love these.

So what's the pay like, then?

They pay all your expenses.

You're licensed to kill.

But there's a downside.

What's that?

Torture.

There's the women, though.

They're nice after the torture. Believe me.

Not much of a car they give you.

It's a piece of crap.

I got an Aston Martin.

Had trouble with

the surface-to-air missiles.

It's in the shop.

This will not be easy.

The man has...

...connections.

Come in, Spenser.

This is Spenser.

We'll give you three million

in unmarked bills for the letters.

- Three million.

- Yes!

I guess we'll take it.

Be in the lobby

of the Grand Plaza London...

...in 20 minutes.

Keep it coming.

Thank you, bloke.

You get a load of this?

What's that?

For allergies.

Actually...

...it's a powerful agent...

...that sharpens my senses

yet deadens my emotions.

I could do with some of that, sometimes.

What about our story?

Are we just a doomed couple?

We have to be Bonnie and Clyde?

Can't it be like "The Getaway"?

Couldn't it be like that?

Could be.

You're acting.

I'm not acting.

Are you?

Honestly...

...I can't act.

But I can do action.

We at Featherstone Finch

believe our major strength...

...is diversity.

Leave it, the machine will get it.

And diversity...

I just kissed the girl

I was with earlier.

She's got lips like your sofa.

Talk about big-car comfort.

And it wasn't just a kiss kiss.

The past five years have seen

astonishing worldwide growth...

...with sexports... exports increased

by 700 percent.

I want to do this every single day I'm here.

Either that was her tongue

or she has three lips.

Hold it, Wally.

A truly remarkable record.

If you'll excuse me for just one minute.

What's the problem?

It's not a problem,

but you know those Ambassadors?

Do you think we could...

...smoke them over here where I am...

...at the Grand Plaza London?

Because it's already 10:30

and I really would like...

...to smoke them on my day.

I can't. Think maybe we could have

those smokes tomorrow night?

I say, old chap, do have time?

Yes, 10:
30.

You just stabbed me with your pen.

Daddy...

...can I please borrow the keys

to the station wagon?

Hello, Theater of Life.

This is Mr. Ritchie.

My brother is doing your show.

Wait there, sir.

It's Ritchie.

Trace this call.

I want to ask...

We want to question him

in connection with a murder.

And the call girl, too. I know, I paid for it.

Mr. Ritchie,

this is Chief Inspector Cockburn.

So now you're the chief.

Listen, Chief...

Step out of character for a minute.

You don't realize

the seriousness of the situation.

Is this an actor now or a human being?

Neither, sir. I'm a policeman.

Mr. Policeman...

...I need to buy some more time

and I'll pay you handsomely for it.

Are you attempting to bribe an officer?

Do you torture everybody like this,

or just Americans?

Look, Mr. Shakespeare, yes,

yes, I want to bribe you.

Is the prime minister there?

I'll bribe him!

Anybody! You invented

the damn language, talk to me!

No wonder you lost the empire!

You know what? Scotland's next!

Yes or no?!

Yes or no, you socialist,

artsy-fartsy little dweeb?!

Mr. Ritchie...

Okay, fine.

You won't help us, it's not a problem.

We'll do something else. Thank you.

American.

Charlie...

...it's just a hunch, but I think

we might be dealing with...

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