The Man Who Sued God Page #4

it's best to say that God doesn't exist.

I think we can take it as

granted that God does exist.

I hope he does.

- I spent half the morning singing to him.

- Could we be serious for a moment?

I am serious. If God's responsible,

we're responsible. Yes or no?

- We need a lawyer.

- Gerry Ryan's going to handle it.

If he can't get this nonsense thrown

out of court, no one can.

If you want my opinion, if the court's got any

sense they'll throw out the case in 10 seconds

and Myers along with it.

And good riddance.

He's caused too much division in the community.

It's disgusting. That's what it is.

- The Federal Court of Australia is now in session.

- Be seated.

Call the case for hearing?

Myers versus God.

Gentlemen?

Gerry Ryan on the behalf of the Roman Catholic Church,

the Anglican and Presbyterian churches

and the Jewish community.

- Steve Myers on behalf of myself.

And the defendant is?

There is no defendant.

We're moving for a strike out on...

- The defendant is God.

- Who is not a person.

That is a moot point.

God and the churches are one.

They cannot exist without each other.

If God is responsible

for the sinking of my boat,

the religions are responsible.

- So you're suing the Church?

God is an entity with nominated

representatives, like a company.

- And the basis of your case is?

- If there was an 'Act of God',

then God is liable.

The churches are God's representatives on earth.

If they wish to deny liability

by denying the existence of God,

then they are guilty of contravening section 52,

of the Trade Practices Act of 1974.

"A corporation shall not, in trade or commerce,

engage in conduct that is misleading or deceptive."

- Rubbish.

- Fascinating.

And to deny that responsibility

is to contravene the Act.

The case doesn't merit the hearing.

It is frivolous, without legal precedent

and blasphemous.

- And Mr. Myers lacks any ethics.

- You can demand security for costs.

- The boat was worth what?

- $150.000, Your Honour.

Not a frivolous amount, Mr. Ryan,

even by your standards.

I'm not satisfied the action is entirely without merit.

I will let it go to trial.

Mazy from Foster. Go ahead, Mazy.

I just wanted to say that

Steve Myers is very brave.

This man has no scruples, no ethics

- And no case, if you ask me.

- We were asking. Is there anything else?

- I think it's immoral.

- As I said, he's upset a lot of decent people.

I'm Dirk Striker, and I'm unhappy.

I've got something to show you.

Your fan-mail.

Houses lost in landslides,

flash floods, lightning strikes.

Acts of God.

Field breaks.

Didn't you mention a drink?

- Is this your father?

- Yes. Aren't you gonna read the letters?

- You're thinking class action.

- I am.

Give me nightmares?

I don't want a class action.

- Do you want to go to the balcony?

- Yes.

If I go down with my boat that's one thing, but I

don't want to take some poor bugger down with me.

Why did you give up law?

Because I was good at it.

My father was a lawyer, his father was a lawyer

and I was expected to become a lawyer.

It's like being born a sheep,

or a moth.

It's not much of a life when

you can't call your soul your own.

- Are you a good fisherman?

- I was a much better lawyer,

but a happier fisherman.

I hated it.

The average punter goes to court expecting a little

justice 'cause some bastard stole his lawnmower.

What did you see?

Some supercilious toads talking gibberish,

the sole purpose of which is to make

him feel guilty, and the guilty look innocent.

It's the world turned upside-down.

I wouldn't drag anybody through that system

just to see them squashed at the end.

I'm certainly not going to do it to myself.

Did you ever think the Lord

delivered perfect justice?

Of course not. The most you

can expect is to do a little good.

I should warn you I have a brown belt in Ju-Jitsu.

I could very easily throw you onto the roof.

Read some of the letters.

Meet some of the people.

You're making a mistake.

I'll win this.

Nevertheless, we don't want

to make a martyr of this man.

I'm instructing you, Gerry.

- This is great. Thank you.

- Good luck.

- I'm only doing this for you.

- Yes, you're only doing it for me.

It was a mudslide. They said it wasn't our fault,

but they wouldn't pay anyway.

They said it was an 'Act of God'.

- Afterwards?

- Yes.

They said the water has to come from above,

otherwise it's not a flood.

How can a flood come from above?

It was humiliating.

They treated us like criminals.

How can this be right?

And they make you feel like

you're trying to cheat them.

- What did you say?

- Not very nice people.

No. Why would I know where he is?

Really? Now?

I'll tell him if I see him.

- Gerry Ryan wants you to meet with him.

- Is that right? Let's go.

- No, I'm not coming.

- I need a witness.

- I don't think they let women in here.

- Don't be ridiculous.

We don't have women here as a rule.

Never mind, the camels moan, the caravan moves on.

I was hoping to meet

with Mr. Myers alone.

- I invited Ms. Redmond, is that all right?

- Of course.

Regular Bonnie and Clyde, aren't you?

My clients have instructed me

to offer settlement

for replacement value of the boat,

and you will cease all proceedings.

- How much?

- A considerable little set-you-up-nicely.

Unless you're planning on

giving it to the homeless.

- What if there were other plaintiffs?

- There are none, unless you choose to generate them.

There is an undertaking that you will cease

all proceedings in the press, in the court...

Jointly or separately,

just sign here and here and...

there.

- I'll need some time to think about it.

- It's on the table now.

- Can I just have a little look?

- How much is it for?

$160.000 is the evaluation.

I suppose many people

would say good luck to you.

In the world of dog eat dog

you saw a dog. Clever.

Embarrass the churches

into paying for you,

the churches being the only people with

conscience enough to be embarrassed.

It is a generous offer, Mr. Myers.

Personally I'd be delighted if you refuse.

Would you excuse me for a moment?

Let's go.

Are you seriously thinking about that?

What about all the other people?

I didn't promise anything.

Silly me.

Right.

It's not as if you're trying to set

some precedent for humanity, is it?

Precisely. I'm not.

- He accepts.

- Of course he does. $160.000 for the boat,

$200.000 for the story. Ms. Redmond has

doubtlessly organised the TV network.

Congratulations.

It's a brilliant scam.

- All done?

- Yes

Explain to me how you could do

what just what you did?

It was really easy. I just told him:

"I'll take the money in dollar coins

So I can ram them up your

arse one at a time."

And you thought I would take

the money. How could you?

This is a class action.

About 120 so far.

- What are you after? Some kind of moral victory?

Yes, I would prefer it to be moral, if possible.

Do you have lawyers?

Yes, me. I'm a lawyer.

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