The Man with Two Brains Page #6

Did I blow the deal? I knew

I shouldn't talk until I make the deal.

I know my voice is terrible.

It irritates people so much...

...they usually just wanna kill me.

- Keep talking. Keep talking.

Oh, good, I never get to talk.

My whole family loves to talk.

Come on in, honey.

Make yourself at home.

I'll be right out, okay?

You like music?

That's my favorite song, you know?

Come on, Duke.

We're gonna have some fun.

It's murder.

No, it's not murder.

Her body will still be alive.

But her mind will be dead.

But her body, her body.

I can have it all, the perfect mind

in the perfect body.

Yes. Yes. Kill.

Kill. Yes, yes, yes.

Kill her, yes, yes.

Kill, kill, kill.

Kill her, yes, yes.

- I can't.

- Can't what?

I can't inject you with window cleaner.

I don't mind.

- Hey, what does it do, anyway?

- It causes your brain to die last.

I don't mind.

It's my voice. Damn.

Well. What are you doing here?

Dolores. You.

You're the Elevator Killer.

Merv Griffin.

Yeah.

- Why?

- I don't know.

I've always just loved to kill.

I've really enjoyed it.

But then I got famous,

and it was too hard for me.

So many witnesses.

Everybody recognized me.

I couldn't even lurk anymore.

I'd hear:

"Who is that lurking over there?

Isn't that Merv Griffin?"

So I came to Europe to kill.

And it's really worked out

very well for me.

Till now.

- She's beautiful.

- Yeah, isn't she?

This may be the one thing

that saves our marriage.

- Are you gonna turn me in?

- I don't have time.

- You have to turn yourself in. Promise.

- I promise.

I am never taking you

anywhere again.

Anne? Are you all right?

I'm very, very sleepy.

Anne, stay awake.

Look, I got Merv Griffin's autograph.

- I'm sleepy.

- Oh, my God.

- Michael.

- Anne, stay with me.

- Michael, help.

- Soon. Soon we'll be together.

- Oh, I'm sorry, officer.

- Oh, you speak English. Good.

That's better. We have more room

down there now.

License?

Dr...

- Hfuhruhurr?

- Yes.

What's the rush?

What's the matter with her?

She's just drunk, dead drunk.

And you? You have

a little to drink too?

No, no, no.

I "dron't dink"...Don't drink.

Get out of the car.

Stretch out your arms and touch

your nose with your finger.

Now walk this white line.

Come back.

On your hands.

One hand.

Now, roll over,

turn over and flip-flop.

All right.

Now juggle these, do a tap dance...

...and sing the "Catalina Magdalena

Hoopensteiner Wallendiner" song.

Goddamn, your drunk tests are hard.

All right, you're not drunk.

You can go.

My oranges.

Now drive carefully.

Wait! She's not drunk, she's dead.

Dead? My God, I'd better get her

to a cemetery right away.

- Very sleepy.

- Don't go to sleep. Walk around.

- Bar that door.

- Yes, sir.

- Schmidt, we need a battering ram.

- Right away, inspector.

Excuse me, could we borrow

a battering ram?

- You'll return it?

- Yeah.

Hurry, hurry!

One, two, three!

On three.

One, two, three.

Dr. Necessiter!

Dear boy. Here, have a drink.

There's no time for drinks.

Anne is dying.

You're dying, I'm dying,

my machine is dying.

- My wonderful machine.

- What are you talking about?

It won't start, it's broken.

There must be some way to fix it.

Inspector, inspector.

Dr. Necessiter.

The transformer of your machine

is coin-operated.

Good Lord, I forgot all about that.

When I built the machine,

I used the guts of a video game.

Quarters, quarters...

I got six quarters.

Just enough for the transference.

- All right?

- All right.

- All right.

- All right.

Ready? Now, set the

Hemo Farcal Overload, point-six!

Hemo Farcal Overload, point-six.

Septum ludegation factor, 03.5.

Septum ludegation factor, 03.5.

Aortic petrification ratio,

two over five.

Aortic petrification ratio,

two over five.

- Set the theremin at 1945.

- Theremin, 1945.

Activate main transference

number two.

- It's open! Return the ram.

- Here's your ram. Thank you.

Follow me!

Ten, nine, eight...

Seven, six, five,

four, three, two, one!

Stop!

You are under arrest for murder!

We are not murdering,

we are resurrecting!

Moving life

from one mind to another.

- You are playing God!

- Somebody has to!

Slipshod methods of the quiet past

are inadequate for the stormy present.

The occasion

is piled high with difficulty...

...and we must rise

to the occasion.

For copies of this speech,

send one dollar...

...to Box 3912,

Stone Mountain, Georgia.

He's crazy.

Don't touch that.

Well, the operation

seems to be a success.

But the doctor died.

- Where am I?

- You're in our own hospital, Michael.

- How long have I been here?

- You've been here six weeks.

Your wife is here.

She's in the waiting room.

- Whose brain does she have?

- Whose brain does she have?

Does she talk?

Or does she go:

Why, no, no.

She talks, Michael.

You've been in bed six weeks.

- You don't have the strength.

- I'm strong enough.

I wanna see her.

Nurse, tell Mrs. Huffur

that Dr. Huffur's awake.

Wait.

I don't want her to see me like this.

I want to be on my own two feet.

There.

Your husband is awake

and can see you.

He's awake?

What's wrong?

I never told him

I was a compulsive eater.

I've gained so much weight.

Michael?

Anne? Uumellmahaye?

Yes, Michael.

You're not disappointed I'm so fat?

What fat?

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