The Man with Two Brains Page #5

and we ought to go there.

- What's the rush?

- I set up an experiment.

I told it I'd be right back.

You're dressed, good.

I'll go get the car. Let's go.

- Why are you driving so fast?

- I just want to show you our new home.

- What is this experiment you're doing?

- Just some boring brain stuff.

You're not gonna have rats

in the house, are you?

No, just some microscopes and

test tubes and beakers...

...and maybe a brain.

- A brain?

Just a small four-pounder.

You'll never see it, I'll keep it locked up.

Ruth was the greatest baseball player

of all time.

You never saw Ruth play!

On film I did.

- Michael, are you on the phone?

- Yes.

Well, I'm waiting for you. In bed.

- We'll finish this tomorrow.

- Michael, it was fun tonight.

It was fun for me too.

Don't you want to make love?

Oh, yeah. Great.

That would be great.

- I'll take this off.

- No, no. I can work around it.

That feels so...

...over.

It just keeps getting

better and better.

- What?

- Are you gonna be in there forever?

I mean no, no.

Just another couple of days.

Well, I guess I'll just go to town.

Try and find something to do.

- Don't go.

- Bye, darling.

I can spend the whole day with you.

- Are you busy?

- Yes, but I'll cancel my appointments.

A whole day.

I don 't think there's a girl

floating in any jar...

... anywhere who 's as happy as I am.

Michael, you do so much for me,

and I do nothing for you.

Are you out of your head?

I'm sorry, I forgot.

You're the most complete woman

I've ever known.

All my life I wanted

women with great bodies.

Women who were tens.

And now, for the first time...

...I'm aroused by a mind.

Michael, I wish I could kiss you.

- I've been thinking about that.

- Really?

Yes, really.

I bought you a pair of wax lips.

I was gonna stick them on your jar.

Is that crazy?

Oh, no. Please.

How do I look?

- Michael?

- Yes?

Were you out on the lake today

kissing your brain?

- No.

- You didn't take the rowboat out?

Funny. There was a man out there,

looked just like you, kissing a brain.

- Must've been somebody else.

- Somebody else?

How many men are there around here,

do you suppose...

...who look exactly like you

and have brains in jars?

Around here there must be hundreds.

Oh, stop it, Michael.

I know there's something weird...

...going on with you and that brain.

- It's not weird. It's my work.

It's your work to kiss a dead brain?

- She's not dead, she's alive!

- So now it's a she.

You care more about that brain

than you do me.

Michael, I am your cook,

your maid, your lover.

I'm understanding about your work.

I almost threw myself

out a window because of you.

And you...

You treat me like a doormat.

Dolores, I'm sorry.

I just...

I didn't realize

what I was doing to you.

Hello? Who?

Mr. Gladstone?

What message?

What?

Grandma Noonie died?

No, she didn't tell me.

- How much?

- Fifteen million.

First thing Monday.

Day you learned about my inheritance

is the day you started being nice to me.

- What a coincidence.

- You only stayed around for the money.

What other reason

could there possibly be?

God! It's citizens' divorce time.

Final decree.

Son of a b*tch.

Help.

Help.

Help.

- Where's my brain?

- How should I know?

I'm busy. I'm cooking

cervelle au beurre noir.

Cervelle au beurre noir,

I know what that is.

I had that once when

I was in the army, in France.

It was a small caf.

I was young, impetuous,

I'd eat anything.

Cervelle au beurre noir, that's...

That's...

Brains in black butter!

Oh, Anne, please say something.

- I think I'm all right.

- Count to ten.

One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight, ten.

You. You cooked her nines.

Out. Out of my house.

- Out of my life.

- Lf you lay a finger on me, I'll kill you.

You kill me, and you'll never

work in this town again.

Nobody's gonna keep me

from working in this town!

Goddamn.

Oh, my balls.

I'll get you. I'll get you for this.

I'll get you for this,

you n*gger kike wop!

Into the mud, scum queen.

You'll never get a penny

of that inheritance.

First thing Monday I'm donating it

to Cranial Research for the Poor.

By Monday, you'll be dead.

Michael, who did you call

a scum queen?

Oh, just some scum queen.

I'm frightened, Michael.

I feel so strange.

I feel the world slipping away.

If only we could be together.

Really together.

We can, darling.

We can.

Dr. Necessiter,

I wanna become a brain.

- What are you talking about?

- I want you to build a tank for two.

I want you to put me in

with Anne Uumellmahaye.

- Anne Amalma-who?

- Uumellmahaye.

- Brain 21 to you.

- You're the one who stole brain 21.

- Where is it?

- In the trunk of my car.

I told her it was a box seat

at the Vienna Opera.

Here are my instruments.

Do I understand you correctly?

You want me to remove your brain

and put it in a tank with number 21?

Yes! We can communicate.

We're in love, and it's the only way

we can be together.

Put me in a tank.

There is an alternative.

My research has advanced to a point...

...where I can put her mind

into the body of a gorilla.

- I couldn't f*** a gorilla.

- Yes, I know.

There is one other alternative.

A human subject.

You can place her thoughts

in another woman's body?

In the past week

I've had two near-successes.

- What do you mean, near successes?

- In my recovery room...

...are two subjects

who do nothing but this:

But I think I've solved the problem.

What kind of life would that be?

"This is my wife."

I know her. She'd hate that.

- I'd rather keep her in a jar.

- You wouldn't have her there for long.

- What do you mean?

- It's a miracle she's still alive.

She's outlived every brain I've had.

You'll be lucky

if she survives the weekend.

All right...

...what do I have to do?

- Wait.

- Wait for what?

For the Elevator Killer to strike again.

Anne could be dead by then.

I'll check the hospital, the morgue,

everywhere dead bodies hang out.

- I'll get her a body.

- I'll prepare the laboratory...

...and in case you're not successful,

I'll have the gorilla ready.

I'll get a body.

Will this do?

She just...

She just doesn't have any vavoom.

She is dead, you know.

Still...

You don't like anything here?

No, nothing really leaps out at me.

Action's stiff.

I can file down that sear pin.

- Let me have me a box of dumdums.

- They're illegal, madam.

So is killing your husband.

Oh, if she were only dead.

Yeah.

She's dead.

Let me through, I'm a doctor.

- You're too late.

- Good. I mean, oh...

And she's beautiful.

Oh, she's perfect.

- She's alive.

- She's dead. She's dead.

She's got to be dead!

You crazy maniac.

In Dilman 's Grove

My love did die

Driver.

Follow that car.

You're beautiful.

Where can I see the rest of you?

Mama.

Where can we go?

We can go to my room.

It's on the fourth floor.

My name's Fran. I'm an American.

I guess you could say

I'm a member of the "piece" corps.

Get it?

What is it? My voice?

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