The Marrying Kind Page #4

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of ball bearings there...

and it took a few minutes.

The guys, they're still giving me

the business...

and I know she's waiting on the corner.

I knew what time it was,

but what could I do?

Everything was piling up.

I wanted to go. I had to stick around.

I didn't want to get the tux dirty.

After I clean them up pretty good,

I start to take a powder.

So what happens?

There's another batch of bearings.

By rights I should have picked them up,

but I kicked them under a handtruck.

Anything, just to get out of there,

because I knew.

Twenty-five minutes I stood.

That hour, I couldn't get a cab.

I practically ran all the way up.

So then to try to make up for it,

he starts insisting to take a cab.

As if we had that kind of money

to throw around.

All day I'm figuring how to cut corners...

and all of a sudden

we're riding around in cabs!

So then all the way up Fifth Avenue,

she just clams up...

and I can't get a word out of her.

and I can't get a word out of her.

Then with all the excitement

and all the hollering...

it turned out

we were only about five minutes late...

and at that, we were the first ones there.

And, of course, I get the usual frosty hello

from that Howard.

And right away,

I started in feeling like a fish out of water.

They look us over like if we had a sign on

that said "Poor Relations. "

Why do you make up?

However they acted would have been wrong

as far as you're concerned.

Made me nervous.

I suppose that's why you

started drinking the cocktails...

like you thought they were celery tonic?

One drink, that's all I had, one drink.

I didn't even finish that, I didn't even like it.

Like I said to Howard:

"What's in here, some

of your non-inflammable cleaning fluid?"

But, of course, he can't take a joke.

Couldn't get him to crack a smile...

if you were Olsen and Johnson

and Martin and Louis put together.

A fish out of water, that's all I was.

You got into the water after a while,

didn't you?

I don't even know what you're talking about.

The way you were dancing

with that blockbuster!

What was I supposed to do?

I was just trying to be sociable.

Joan told me to dance, so I was dancing.

I was just following orders.

I just grabbed the first partner

I happened to see and started dancing.

I didn't know who she was.

I think she was Howard's mother.

Howard's mother!

If you'd just try to stick

to the truth for one minute!

The way I remember it, that's the truth.

- No, the way it was.

- So how was it?

It was like you thought you'd just invented

the whole idea of dancing for the first time.

I didn't want to go in the first place.

I was just miserable.

And that rumba exhibition!

I never saw anything so repulsive!

Where do you get rumba?

I never danced rumba in my whole life.

I don't even know how to.

You sure learned how to that night!

I certainly don't remember no rumba.

You don't seem to remember anything...

and when you do,

you remember it all wrong.

There's no point telling everything

if you tell it all mixed up...

like it wasn't instead of like it was.

What's the whole point?

I'll tell you. You weren't even interested

in what happened to me.

You just wanting to be the life of the party,

and me just wanting to leave.

Yeah, and then after when we went out

to the airport to see them off...

I wanted to go home.

All of a sudden I became a threesome.

Not how I remember it.

- Because you were so high by that time.

- I was low, not high.

You couldn't tell the difference

between me and her by then.

- Who?

- You know who, that big slinky one.

If that's your idea of taste...

I don't know how you ever

got together with me.

What I remember is how you got stubborn

and wouldn't come home.

Because I wanted to have a little talk!

A fine place for a talk,

with all those planes going...

What's the matter?

Nothing is the matter!

You sore about something?

Just like to get on that airplane...

and just keep on going and never stop,

that's all!

What did I do? Something wrong?

It all depends on what you call wrong.

If you think it's all right to behave

like some kind of...

...it's all right with me.

I didn't even know you knew words like that!

There's a lot you don't know!

Listen, what do you think

you're accusing me of, anyway?

You don't actually think I was trying to...

...do you?

Yes! In Macy's window!

Honey!

Honey.

Don't see what's so wrong

we can't talk it over.

When you're in a better condition to,

that's when.

I'm in a perfect condition to discuss and,

don't break the furniture...

discuss anything at all.

You want to wake up Joey?

You ever have one of those days...

when you couldn't seem

to do not one thing right?

Well, that's me today.

The first mistake I made

was getting up in the morning.

From then on, not one thing right.

Do you ever have it?

You didn't even kiss me goodbye

this morning.

Kiss who goodbye?

Too busy, having a big fit

over wearing your tux.

What tux?

Gonna leave them laying

there like that all night?

I tell you what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna leave them

laying there like that all night, yes!

Perfectly all right with me!

So, I didn't kiss you goodbye this morning.

So shoot me at sunrise.

I'll make it up to you,

I'll kiss you goodbye tomorrow twice.

And keeping me waiting 25 minutes!

I suppose you'll do that

tomorrow twice, too.

What about the ball bearings

I didn't pick up I was supposed to?

Frankly, I don't even know

what you're talking about, frankly.

What if somebody trips

and breaks their necks?

Shoot me at sunrise!

You'd better have a glass of milk,

if you know what's good for you.

Two glasses, in fact!

If I knew what was good for me,

I wouldn't be me!

All swept up, Keefer?

Yes, sir!

Good, because the Postmaster General

of the United States...

Clarence F. Dow, your wife's old boss,

is paying us a little visit today.

Three cheers for the red, white and blue, sir!

Right this way, sir.

A little surprise for you.

We have a distinguished visitor

to look over your post office.

You don't say.

Just the President of the United States,

that's all.

Right in here, sir.

Gentlemen, this is

a peachy post office. Congratulations.

Watch your step, Mr. President!

Shoot him at sunrise!

Halt or we'll shoot. Halt!

Come back here!

Shoot him at sunrise!

Shoot him at sunrise!

No! Wait!

Wait!

Wait.

Please don't, wait.

Don't drink water! Milk!

- What happened?

- Terrible dream.

Like what?

- About the place and the ball bearings.

- What ball bearings?

I was supposed to clean up, but I didn't.

Everybody was sliding around,

just sliding and sliding.

Who?

And everybody was sliding around.

Hey, wait a minute, wait a second!

Chet, don't look funny!

- Florrie! Listen.

- What?

You know how I'm always saying...

you don't have to be smart all your life,

only 10 seconds?

Florrie, I don't know, but I think so.

What?

I think I just had my 10 seconds!

I think I thought of something great!

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