The Matchbreaker Page #6

It's part of our agreement.

I, uh... I can't accept this.

Sorry.

Suit yourself.

Did you mention Thomas?

Thomas?

The guy I want her to marry.

No.

No?

That's ok.

I'll take it from here.

Now that Brian's gone,

it should be easy.

I'll wait.

But not too long.

I know it's true,

there's no one, dear, but you.

You're whispering why you'll

never leave me, whispering

why you'll never grieve me.

Whispering, say that you believe

me, whispering that I love you.

Hey.

I got to be honest with you.

I was never a big fan of jazz,

but you're changing my mind.

So I converted you.

Yeah.

I'm seriously

considering renouncing

my devotion to polka.

So why were you here?

When?

The night that we met.

If you don't like

jazz, then why were

you in a jazz club by yourself?

I was outside walking on

my way to the drugstore,

and I heard you singing.

I just, uh... had to come

in and figure out where

that sound was coming from.

Lo and behold, it was

coming from there.

Yeah, you know, I

lip sync to my songs.

No you don't.

You almost bought it.

Not even close.

So me and Brian were supposed

to go to the fair tomorrow,

and that's obviously

not happening.

So do you wanna hang out?

Sure.

Where are we going?

You'll see.

Ok.

Well, before we start,

let's go in here.

My condolences on the breakup.

Oh, wow, that's very sweet.

Thank you.

But what am I supposed

to do with this?

What?

I mean, we're going

to be out all day.

Don't you think it'll probably

be dead before I get home?

Well, i...

At least get me a silk flower.

You know, I like

those better anyway.

Really?

Why?

Because you'll always have them.

Like if you put it in a vase

and then you take a vacation,

when you get back, still there.

Charming as ever.

But real flowers are so perfect.

Yeah, but in a month,

you'll have nothing.

Look, just save your money,

and buy me a gas card.

Or I could just buy

you a fake flower.

Silk flower.

Silk, excuse me.

So you really have

never been here before?

Nope.

But I drive past

it all the time.

I've always wondered what kind

of person shops for records.

PSH, well, now

you know it's you.

I never would have guessed it.

Did you know the count Basie met

his future wife Catherine

three times before they

even spoke to each other?

If that didn't say

count Basie, then

I wouldn't even know who it is.

So I'm going to say no.

Well, when they finally did get

a chance to talk for a while,

he ended the conversation

with, one of these days,

I'm going to make you my wife.

And then seven

years later, he did.

It's just kind of

amazing how he always

just knew what he

wanted and never

took his eyes off the prize.

Seven years, phew.

So why jazz?

I don't know.

With jazz, there's

just this honesty

that you don't get with other

music, maybe except classical.

But jazz doesn't shy

away from the hard stuff,

but it makes you feel

better about the sad stuff.

So do you have sad stuff?

Of course.

Doesn't everyone?

Lost loves, unfulfilled

dreams, emptiness.

So why'd you move back here?

My dad died.

Work accident.

Yeah, I heard about that.

It's a small community.

Yeah, we have relatives

here, so we came back.

I'm sorry about your dad,

but I'm glad you're back.

Yeah.

Yeah, me too.

Feels like home.

You know, I had a crush

on you when I was little.

Yeah?

Me?

Yep.

Yeah, just a teeny one...

Microscopic, really.

I remember you being in

the school spelling bee.

Mm, right.

Fifth grade.

Mmhm, yep.

And I was rooting for you, but

it seemed like the moderator

was against you the whole time.

You got all the hard words.

Did I?

Yeah.

Yeah, it was ridiculous.

And then you went up against

Jeremy Monchak in the finals,

and I so wanted to

beat Jeremy Monchak.

It was tense, because he

got the word "legislature,"

and you got the

word "picturesque."

And then he got "deceitful,"

but he missed it.

And then you got the

word "auspicious,"

and you spelled it right.

I nearly stood up and screamed.

You remember the words

in the spelling bee?

Uh, it's strange what

you can recall, huh?

Yeah.

And that crush you had on

me, how long did that last?

Uh, it started

when I was about 8.

And it lasted until

I was... I don't know.

24?

That's about the timeframe.

I'm just going

to grab my jacket.

I'll be two seconds.

Ok.

Yeah, sorry about the mess.

I've just been really busy.

Haven't exactly had a

chance to clean yet.

No problem.

It's kind of like

its own art gallery,

if art was all made up of trash.

So she's a slob.

Her apartment looks like

it's inhabited by six

five-year-olds and a goat.

Thorn on the rose.

It was all I could think about.

A snag on the sweater vest.

What am I gonna do?

What's the problem?

Do you not get it?

All my life, I've dreamed

of myself with this girl.

So she's a little messy.

You're a perfect match.

You don't pay the electric bill,

and you'll never see the mess.

You know, it's just one thing.

You know, I don't know you

didn't want to come to my

apartment for movie night.

Oh, no reason.

This car is so fun.

What movie did you pick?

Movies.

You're going to love

them though, my favorite.

All five "twilight" movies.

Woo!

Oh, yeah.

Excuse me, I'm sorry.

Can you just give me more ice?

Thank you.

I usually root for Cambodia in

the Olympics because you know,

they have the cutest flag.

It was so painful.

It doesn't sound that bad.

Weren't you listening?

Yes.

Did you hear the

part about how she

licks her ice can come from the

top down, never from the side?

Do you know how risky that is?

Oh my word, you have got

to stop with these lists.

They're useless.

They're a visual

representation of my misery.

Forget this.

You've wanted this girl

since the third grade.

I didn't really know her.

Sure you did.

Not the details.

Ok, but of all the

things you believed

about her in the third

grade, how many of them

turned out to be true?

She's smart, talented, sweet.

She can make

friends with anyone.

She's fun.

She has a big heart.

She has the greatest laugh ever.

She's beautiful.

Exactly.

So you need a new list.

This is all that matters, Ethan.

So you really

like fast food, huh?

I love it.

If I could, I'd live off of

taco bell and burger king.

Wouldn't you?

Come on.

I might throw something in with

some vitamins here and there.

Thanks for hanging

out with me lately.

Yeah, it's been great.

Yeah, it's been really nice

having company, you know?

Look, I licked a leprechaun.

What?

I don't know.

A kid in third grade came

up to me and said that,

and I always thought

it was funny.

This isn't right.

What?

Why?

You have a girlfriend.

Exactly.

It's wrong.

And... and I can't

do this to Veronica.

Hello?

What?

Ok.

Ok, I'll be right there.

Hey, uh, a friend

of mine needs help.

Do you want to come?

Yeah, what does

she need help with?

I don't know, but she's crying.

You're good at this.

Come on, let's go.

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