The Meaning of Life Page #5

We'll try and get it cleared

up by the time you get back.

We showed 'em, didn't we, sir? Yes.

Here. We got a search party.

Leave that alone.

All this killing, bloodshed.

Bloody good fun, sir, isn't it?

Yes, very good.

Morning, sir.

Nasty wound

you've got there, fella.

Thank you very much, sir.

Come on, Private.

Making up a search party.

Better than staying home,

isn't it?

I mean, at home if you kill

someone, they arrest you.

Here, they give you a gun

and show you what to do, sir.

I mean, I killed 15 of those

buggers, sir. At home, they'd hang me.

Here, they'll give me

a f***ing medal, sir.

Sorry, sir.

Thank you, Sergeant Major.

Look!

My God! It's huge!

Don't shoot. Don't

shoot. We're not a tiger.

We were just...

Why are you dressed

as a tiger?

Oh, why, why, why?

Isn't it a lovely

day today?

Answer the question.

Oh, we were just...

Well, actually, we're

dressed like this because...

Oh, no, that's not it.

Oh, we did it for a laugh.

Part of a spree. H igh spirits.

Simple as that.

Nothing more to it.

Well, actually, we're on a

mission for British Intelligence.

There's a pro-czarist

Asante chief...

No, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no. We're doing

it for an advertisement.

Ah, that's it.

Forget about the Russians.

We're doing an advert

for Tiger Brand Coffee.

"Tiger Brand Coffee

is a real treat.

"Even tigers prefer

a cup of it to real meat. "

Now, look...

All right, all right.

We are dressed as a tiger because

he had an auntie who did it in 1839.

This is the 50th anniversary.

No. We're doing it for a bet.

God told us to do it.

To tell the truth,

we are completely mad.

We're inmates of a Bengali

psychiatric institution,

and we escaped by making this skin

out of old used cereal packets.

It doesn't matter!

What?

It doesn't matter why they're dressed

as a tiger. Have they got my leg?

Good thinking.

Well, have you?

Actually...

Yes?

We were thinking of

training as taxidermists.

We wanted to get the feel of it

from the animal's point of view.

Be quiet!

Now look,

we're just asking you

if you've got

this man's leg.

A wooden leg?

No, no, a proper leg.

He was fast asleep, and someone or

something came in and removed it.

Without waking him up?

Yes.

I don't believe you.

We found the tiger skin

in a bicycle shop in Cairo.

The owner wanted it

taken to Dar Es Salaam.

Shut up!

Now look, have you or

have you not got his leg?

Yes. No. No, no, no, no.

No. No, no, no.

Why did you say yes?

I didn't.

I'm not talking to you.

U m...

Right. Search the thicket.

Oh, come on.

I mean, do we look like

the sort of chaps who'd

creep into a camp at night,

steal into someone's tent,

anaesthetize them, tissue-type them,

amputate a leg

and run away with it?

Search the thicket.

Oh, leg!

You're looking for a leg!

Actually, I think there

is one there somewhere.

Somebody must have

abandoned it here,

knowing you were

coming after it.

We stumbled across it, actually,

and wondered what it was.

They'll be miles away

by now.

We'll have to take

all the blame.

Hello, good evening and welcome

to The Middle of the Film.

Hello and welcome

to The Middle of the Film,

the moment where we take a break

and invite you, the audience,

to join us, the filmmakers,

in Find the Fish.

We're going to show you

a scene from another film

and ask you to guess

where the fish is.

But if you think you know,

don't keep it to yourselves.

Yell out so that all

the cinema can hear you.

So here we are

with Find the Fish.

I wonder

where that fish has gone.

You did love it so.

You looked after it

like a son.

And it went

wherever I did go.

Is it in the cupboard?

Yes! No!

Wouldn't you like to know?

It was a lovely little fish.

And it went

wherever I did go.

It's behind the sofa!

Where can that fish be?

Have you thought of the

drawers in the bureau?

It is a most

elusive fish.

And it went

wherever I did go.

Oh! Fishy, fishy,

fishy, fish.

Fish, fish, fishy, oh!

Oh! Fishy, fishy,

fishy, fish!

That went

wherever I did go.

Look up his trunk! Yeah!

It's in his trousers!

That was terrific!

Great! Yeah!

Best bit so far.

Fantastic! Really great!

Really risky, yeah.

They haven't said much about the

meaning of life so far, have they?

Well, it's been building

up to it. Has it?

Yeah, I expect

they'll get onto it now.

Personally, I doubt

they're going to say anything

about the meaning of life at all.

Oh, come on.

They've gotta say something.

They're bound to.

Yeah.

What do you think

the next bit will be?

Caption, I expect.

What, about the next stage of life,

you mean? Oh, yeah. Here we go.

Middle Age.

Could've guessed it.

That's much better.

Thank you, honey.

You're welcome.

It was all sort of

misty before.

That's fine.

Hey! How are you?

Oh, we're just fine.

What kind of food you

like to eat this evening?

Well, we sort of

like pineapple.

Yeah, we love pineapple.

Yeah, anything with

pineapple in is great for us.

Well, how 'bout

the dungeon room?

Oh, that sounds fine.

Sure is.

It's real Hawaiian food,

served in an authentic medieval

English dungeon atmosphere.

Isn't this nice?

How are ya?

Take a little Kodak. Oh,

thank you. Thank you very much.

Good evening. Would you care

for something to talk about?

Oh, that would

be wonderful.

Our special tonight

is minorities.

Oh, that sounds

real interesting.

What's this conversation

here? That's football.

You can talk about the

Steelers-Bears game Saturday,

or you could reminisce about

really great World Series.

No, no, no.

What is this one here?

That's philosophy.

Is that a sport?

No, it's more of an attempt

to construct a viable hypothesis

to explain the meaning of life.

What was that?

What's he saying?

Oh, that sounds wonderful.

Would you like to talk about

the meaning of life, darling?

Sure. Why not?

Philosophy for two?

Right.

Room?

Yeah.

How do we...

Oh, you folks

want me to start you off?

We'd appreciate that.

Okay! Well, look.

Have you ever wondered

just why you're here?

Well, we went to Miami last year

and California the year before...

No, no, no. I mean, why

we're here, on this planet.

No.

Right. You ever wanted to

know what it's all about?

Nope.

Righty-ho! Well,

see, throughout history, there've

been certain men and women,

who've tried to find the solution

to the mysteries of existence.

Great!

And we call these guys

philosophers.

Oh! And that's what we're talking about.

Right!

Oh, that's neat.

Well, you look like

you're getting the idea,

so why don't I give you

these conversation cards.

They'll tell you a little about philosophical

method, names of famous philosophers.

There you are.

Have a nice conversation.

Oh, thank you

very much.

He's cute.

Yeah, real understanding.

Oh! I never knew Schopenhauer

was a philosopher.

Oh, yeah. He's the one

that begins with an "S."

Oh.

Like N ietzsche.

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