The Meddler Page #8

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Do you wanna come with?

Just a day trip.

Nothing overnight, or...

I thought maybe you'd like

to see the desert. It's...

It's beautiful.

I can't.

I can't right now. I...

You know, I just...

I wanted to stop by

and just drop

off the speakers, and...

tell you that I'm

not gonna be around much

because I've got to go

back east,

and so I'm not gonna be

around much, for a while.

Okay.

One more.

I'll take her, it's all right.

Come here, sweetie.

Um... oh, wow.

Thank you all so much.

There are just so many people in this

room who made this day possible.

I can't... I can't believe it.

Um. First, my incredible wife...

Stop it.

Who married me one year ago

against her better judgment.

That's... well...

And agreed to do it again, in front

of our loved ones... Well...

Because she knew it was

important to me.

Aw.

To my bridesmaids.

Whoo!

Nobody could ask

for 13 greater friends,

and I just love you guys

so much.

And I wanna thank my family for flying

in from all across the country.

Daddy, I love you.

And Marnie...

I mean, words cannot even begin

to express my gratitude to you.

After my mother died, I just...

I couldn't even imagine

that I could feel

loved so unconditionally

by someone who wasn't my family.

I mean, you are,

you are real proof

that when one angel

leaves this earth,

another one takes its place.

And I love you.

- To Marnie!

- To Marnie!

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

Now we're gonna do a new one.

Whoo!

It's a slow song.

I honestly don't remember the

last time I danced that much.

I know, right? We used to dance

all the time when I was a kid.

I tell Lori,

"why don't you go out dancing?"

I mean, go out. Dance.

You know, this is an amazing

thing you've done here, Marnie.

They look really happy,

don't they?

Yeah.

So, look, about that lunch...

No, excuse me, one second.

Okay.

Jacob, hi.

Hi.

She loves you, you know.

Lori loves you.

And I know because I see

how unhappy she is

since you guys split.

And, I know everybody's supposed

to make their own happiness,

but she's never been like that.

Well, I mean,

maybe she was like that before,

but she's not anymore,

and I don't know if it's

too late for you guys,

but I know it's

also totally awkward

and I'm overstepping

my boundaries maybe...

Well, I know I'm

overstepping my boundaries.

But if there's just even

the slightest little chance

that you could go back with her

and make her happy,

well, then it doesn't matter,

because all that matters to me

is that you make her happy

and that she be happy.

That's all that matters.

So, what do you say?

Marnie, I'm...

I'm sorry, I...

Hey.

Oh, hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Yeah.

So I'm... I was... going.

See you.

Marnie, why don't you stay

for one more drink. Huh?

I got dogs to feed

and I've got a...

Huh?

Problem?

All right.

Well, thank you very much.

Well, it looks like

my car was stolen.

My god, the crime

in this city...

I'm sorry this is

how your night ends.

It's crazy, yeah.

Can't remember

when I had that much fun.

Yeah.

You know?

It was nice. Couple of

Brooklynites, we are.

Yeah. Yeah.

And that dress is... it's...

It's just a knockout.

Thanks. It's actually

my daughter's.

Get outta here.

The color, like blood red.

Blood... oh, yeah.

I guess.

Hm.

And the hair to match.

- Eyes! Throat!

- Ow!

Crotch!

Oh!

No. Out, out, out.

Marnie! What...

What are you doing?

What the f***?

Yeah. I mean,

we have mostly apple products,

'cause it's an apple-based

store.

Wait, are you a student?

Mm-hm.

Me, too.

You can probably get

a student discount.

Wait, you're really a student,

right?

You'd be surprised how many

times I hear... no.

I'm joking.

Oh, sh*t. Sorry.

Anyway, every year the writer's

pitch the studio their ideas.

And the studio picks

a small percentage of those,

to pay the writers

to make scripts.

And then out of those scripts,

they pick even a smaller amount

to shoot the pilot, to...

I mean, shoot the film.

And then out of those, a handful

actually make it to the air.

And then an even smaller amount

actually stay on the air,

like Seinfeld or something,

right?

Oh, you want the TV on?

Hello?

Mom, I need you.

Did you bring them?

Yeah, yeah.

What are these?

Bagels.

This is the pregnancy test.

Why did you get the jumbo pack?

I didn't know how many times

you have to do it.

It's just the one time.

Please don't watch me pee

on a stick.

Not really that late, for me.

It's probably just stress.

I can't stop sleeping,

but that's about it.

I just hope you know

who the father is.

I can't believe

you just said that.

Well, I didn't mean it

in a bad way.

I slept with Jacob once

when I had to go to his

house to pick up my dogs.

Thanks to you.

And besides,

I'm probably barren.

That's something

you should worry about.

I've a lot

of testosterone in me.

There, see? Single line.

No grandkids, congratulations.

Lor?

What the... what?

What?

Maybe we should Google it.

Google what?

For false positives, you know.

It doesn't work like that.

It's not aids.

I need to get a blood test.

For aids?

No! Mom! For this!

Are you here?

Sorry.

I'm pregnant! Okay?

I'm too old to get

an abortion. I can't...

This is real.

Well, don't be sad.

Oh. Don't be sad. Lori?

Don't be sad.

I'm not.

You're not?

Ha! Ha!

Mom!

Okay, we're happy!

Yes.

Yes!

My daughter was a surprise.

I'm gonna have to sell my house.

Get something bigger,

with carpets.

I've gotta tell Jacob.

I can't believe

dad's not around.

Well, I'm around. So...

I'm here.

Yeah, I know. I know.

Hello?

Hey, it's Anna

in Dr. Seagal's office.

It's negative.

Really?

What about all those tests

that I took?

I don't know, but we tested

your blood and urine,

and you're not pregnant.

Okay. Well, thanks

for calling.

I don't understand.

Google says here,

that "a false positive could be

certain types of stomach tumors."

Do you feel sick?

Maybe you could ask the

doctor to test your blood

for other things like aids.

I don't have aids.

Well, I said "like" aids.

I don't get it.

It says here,

"if you have two lines, then

it means you're ovu... lating."

I've been peeing

on ovulation sticks?

What the hell?

You bought me ovulation sticks!

You understand

what you just put me through?

I thought I was pregnant, and

then stomach tumors, and then...

Oh, my...

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god!

Lor, I wasn't laughing at you.

Oh, honey.

It's better anyway.

You didn't plan it, right?

Right?

I know, I just...

I was so relieved to have

that decision made for me.

Yeah.

Oh, god, I'm so sorry.

For what, sweetie?

For the way I am.

I love the way you are.

I just...

I just really miss him.

You know, maybe he's not

the guy for you.

No, not Jacob.

I miss dad.

I miss my dad.

Yeah, me too.

You know, it's really hard

to look at you sometimes.

Why?

Because half the room's missing.

And we're both alone.

We're not alone.

You're not alone.

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