The Million Dollar Duck Page #6

Jimmy loves that duck.

It's his pal, now that

you've turned against him.

Turned against him?

This is all academic if Charlie

can't produce anymore.

Come on, Al, baby. Come on.

[Barking]

[Ding]

[Laughter]

[Hooper's wife] Finley!

Serves you right... masher.

Uh, Jimmy? Hi, Jimmy.

Getting big, aren't you?

Why don't you come over here,

I got something to show you.

I'm not supposed

to go into your yard.

That's all right.

I've got a present for you. Come on.

- That's for me?

- If you want it.

My little nephew outgrew it.

Boy, oh, boy.

Vroom, vroom.

Say, this is a nice duck

you've got here.

I'll bet she lays

a lot of nice eggs.

Yeah, lots of them.

You know something?

I've never seen a real duck egg.

Do you suppose that I could

get her to lay one for me?

I don't know.

- My dad can. He barks at her.

- He does? [stammers] He barks?

Why don't I try that? You come

over here and hold her and I'll try it.

Here we go.

[Barks]

Anything happen back there? No.

[Dog barks]

[Ding]

- Come home now, Jimmy.

- But look at the bike Mr. Hooper...

Right now and bring Charlie. Hurry.

And you, Mr. Hooper.

Stealing your neighbor's eggs.

Aren't you ashamed?

[Sighs]

That's right, Albert, he knows.

No, he didn't get the egg, but...

Well, I can't keep the duck

locked up all the time,

it's only human, you know.

Yes. All right.

Crisis, Fred.

Hooper's hip.

I'll meet you at the house as quick

as I can sneak away from here, okay?

[Gottlieb] Dooley?

- [Squealing]

- Dooley! Dooley!

What he has is this little duck.

- Did you say duck?

- Yes. Duck.

[Chuckling] I got it.

Evidently some kind of

a new gangland code word.

No, just plain duck.

You know, "quack, quack."

And this duck lays gold eggs.

It's true. I saw it happen.

They bark at it.

- Bark at it?

- Yeah, like a dog.

[Barks] They bark... Just like...

And that causes the duck

to lay these... gold eggs.

- I see.

- I did it myself.

You?

You laid a gold egg, Hoop?

Oh, yeah, it wasn't easy...

No, I didn't.

I barked at it,

the duck, it laid the gold egg.

Oh, yes, well...

Very interesting.

Look, why don't you stop by my office

sometime tomorrow and...

...you and me

have a little chat.

Chief, wait a minute,

I know it sounds...

You confiscate the duck

and I'll prove it.

- How long you been with the Department?

- It was after Prohibition...

Chief, there may be

something to this.

I checked with a Dr. Gottlieb

at the University lab,

and he said something about Dooley

trying to make gold out of eggs.

I thought he was putting me on,

but with Hooper telling us...

Aren't those nuggets all about

the same size as an egg yolk?

So... stop that.

It's all some fairy tale talk.

Sure, chief, but look at the facts.

[Phone rings]

Hooper here. Yes, Mr. Morgan,

we haven't struck yet, but it's a duck.

- Lays gold eggs. Duck.

- Let me have that.

Hi, Morg. Rutledge here.

Thank you, same to you.

There does seem to be a certain

degree of duck involvement here,

we don't know just...

No, duck. D-u...

Yeah.

Not a word's gotten out.

A duck?

Quack, quack.

Try to trade them for it.

Offer them all their gold.

Sell all our mines and buy up every

bloody duck from here to Cape Town.

Get the blueprint of U.s. Duck.

Make same thing.

Plastic. Half price.

[Commotion]

Now just let me

say this about that.

Get that duck.

Do you understand?

- [On phone] Get that duck.

- Bye-bye.

All right, men.

We're moving in.

Now, here's the strategy.

- Where's Charlie?

- Upstairs with Jimmy.

Good. Where's the egg?

That's what we want. We got to get rid

of the duck, too. Got any more of these?

- Give me the egg.

- What are you doing?

- I handle the eggs.

- Boys.

I know what you're trying to do,

and I'm the egg man.

- Where are you going?

- Not now, Eunice, please.

- We're all adults.

- It's my egg, too.

Enough! Go upstairs

and get the duck.

Now wait just a minute.

I will decide what I am going to do.

I'm going upstairs

and get the duck.

[Knocking on door]

Oh, hello, there, neighbor. I...

I thought you might like to meet my

colleagues down at the Treasury Dept.

- This is Mr. Rutledge, Mr. Smith...

- A pleasure.

Hope you can come back

when I'm not so busy.

Mr. Dooley.

Hold it.

Treasury men aren't entitled

to barge in without a search warrant.

Got it right here.

- There you are.

- [Hooper] Dooley.

Mr. Rutledge wants

to see your duck.

- What duck?

- Oh, come on now, Dooley.

You mean my little boy's pet?

Mr. Dooley, we have an eyewitness

who will attest to the fact

that you have

a duck that lays... gold eggs.

Gold eggs? What'd you do

a dumb thing like that for?

41,000 dollars worth of eggs,

and not one cent

of income tax has been declared.

Well, sir, this duck of yours

could very well be

the most single valuable asset

in the United states today.

That duck is a natural resource.

Like Hoover Dam.

That duck's entitled to the

protection of the U.s. Government.

You have no proof that

my client's duck lays gold eggs.

I understand that the duck

will produce on command.

That's right.

I've done it myself.

- You bark at it.

- I'll get the duck.

Wait a minute, you have your rights.

I'd like to confer with my client.

- All right, you got 30 seconds.

- Come on.

- Are you out of your mind?

- Don't worry.

I'll bark in the wrong pitch

and she won't produce.

- You're sure she won't cross us up?

- No way.

I'll get the duck.

I'd better, he might not give it to you.

He's not too crazy about you these days.

- Don't let her out of your sight.

- [Katie] No.

I am not going upstairs

with some strange man.

It's okay.

- [Katie] He's gone.

- The duck?

- No, Jimmy.

- He went out the window with the duck.

- [Albert] They're gone?

- You tricked us.

- Shut up.

- Don't just everybody stand there.

- Please go out and find him.

- All right, I'll handle it.

Beckert, smith, Forbes,

outside, deploy, cover the area.

- Hooper, stick with me.

- Right behind you.

Katie's right,

we have to find that duck.

Not the duck, Fred. My son.

Mrs. Hooper. Mrs. Hooper.

Did you see the Dooley kid

run out of his house?

- With the duck?

- I sure did.

He got a bicycle out of

our garage and took off.

- Which way did he go?

- That way.

Forbes, come on, let's go.

Why don't you watch

what you're doing?

Poor Jimmy. If we'd never

gotten that darn duck.

[Albert] We'll find him.

[Tires screech]

There's his bike.

Come on.

Look.

Turn around, let's go.

[Hooper] There, chief.

[Tires screech]

Search that truck.

- [Hooper] Not in there. Not in there.

- [Rutledge] Huh?

Hey! What are you bums

doing to my truck?

Sorry, sir. This is U.s. Official

United states government business.

We know you got

a duck here somewhere.

A duck?

Hey. I know.

This is Candid Camera, right?

Where is it? Eh? Where is it?

Okay, Mack. Move.

[Rutledge] Let's check the alley.

There's no sign of him around here.

- There they are.

- Wait for us.

Come on, boy.

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