The Million Dollar Duck Page #5

a layaway plan, would you?

- Hardly.

- No, I didn't think so.

Well, I can't buy it now, but...

I'll be back.

[Laughter]

According to the phone calls

that have been pouring into

this U.s. Treasury Dept. Office,

this map represents certain refineries

that have been receiving these...

...odd gold nuggets.

We don't know just who the gang is,

but, undoubtedly,

it's an underworld operation.

Otherwise, why would they spread those

nuggets around those various refineries?

You figure it's Mafia controlled, chief?

- Probably something worse.

- Worse?

Gentlemen, they may have

learned how to make gold.

Well, that's not very probable.

That can only be done by atomic

bombardment and the cost is prohibitive.

I know that.

The point I'm trying to make is that

they've found a way to make gold

cheap enough to put on the market.

Our top chemists can't even identify

some of the elements,

and there are traces of such bizarre

impurities as apple pectin.

Apples in gold?

[Rutledge] Don't laugh.

Remember what happened to common,

every day, ordinary bread mold?

Penicillin.

But Mr. Morgan here,

of the Federal Reserve Bank

has something further to say to us

on the subject.

Gentlemen, this...

...this thing just cannot happen.

I mean, money...

money is the greatest...

What we've got to do is ferret out

and stop this nefarious gang of...

I hesitate to think

what would happen

if this were to get out of this room.

- [Phone rings]

- [Clears throat]

Excuse me.

Rutledge here.

Yes, he is, just a sec.

For you.

President of the New York

stock Exchange, he says it's urgent.

Take it on one.

Hello, Bob.

What rumor?

[Laughter]

Synthetic gold?

[Stammering] Where did you hear that?

Your barber.

Oh, no, Bob.

No, no, no. Absolutely nothing to that.

Nothing to it at all.

Well, we have had a little flap

about gold around here,

but everything

is absolutely under control.

You tell Wall street just to relax.

Right, Bob.

Right, Bob.

Bye, Bob.

Good heavens,

how would his barber...

[phone rings]

Rutledge.

You again.

Take it on two.

Hello. Yes, this is he.

The state Department?

Hello, Rog.

Oh, no.

[Stammering] That's just a rumor.

Rumor or not, Ed, this could play hob

with our foreign monetary agreements.

Believe me, Rog, we are

right on top of this thing.

No, siree.

Not a single foreign country

will hear anything about it.

[Speaks in French]

Get me the U.s. Ambassador.

How dare they meddle with their gold.

It's all ours.

Da. America is producing instant gold.

It is a plot.

If those bloody Americans are

fabricating the stuff, we're done in.

Please get the formula.

Americans make it for ten dollars

an ounce, we make it $8.95.

[Commotion]

The White House?

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

[Stammering]

Yes, sir. I fully realize you have

enough trouble without this.

Yes, sir. I understand, sir.

[Stammering] Yes, sir.

Thank you, sir.

Gentlemen, I think

your duty is quite clear.

- Rutledge.

- Huh?

It's in your hands.

What leads do you

have on this gang, chief?

Uh, oh... Uh...

Yes, well... [clears throat]

So far, the only lead we have

is the name of the bag man.

Bag woman.

Known under

various aliases, such as...

...K.W. Dooley.

Quote Katie Klaus quote Dooley.

Mrs. Albert Dooley.

Francis Abigail Dooley.

What was after Albert...

Albert Dooley?

That's my neighbor.

Your neighbor?

Well, it's not my fault.

I was there first.

They moved in and I...

Oh, Katie and Albert Dooley.

I knew there was something

about that professor.

[Clippers snipping]

Really, now?

A man of your age?

Shh.

I was doing undercover work.

Yes, I can see that.

[Car approaching]

Hi, neighbor.

How's it going there, friend?

Fine.

Oh, um...

Having a little vacation.

I thought I'd spend it...

...fixing up the house.

Have fun.

Hooper suspects something.

Did you tell him anything?

- You forgot to kiss me.

- Answer me, did you?

I haven't even talked to him.

- Well, how about Jimmy?

- Yes, I talked to him.

- He's our son, remember?

- I know that.

Why are you so suspicious of Hooper?

He's being friendly,

what more proof do you need?

[Honking]

Fred!

- How about that car?

- Beauty, isn't she? Look...

Wait, what happened to not spending

money and no change in living standards?

Right and my new idea

will save us a bundle...

- That's the car I had my eye on.

- Good taste, Al, baby.

Old Freddie-boy is going to see you

get a whole stable full of them.

- Why can't we have a car like that?

- Katie, Katie, Katie...

What's the matter, is that all

you think about, material possessions?

Here I am, slaving my head

to the bone while you... Albert!

How about that

for a company name?

Dooley's Wrought Iron

sauna Baths?

- Yeah.

- What does that have to do with gold?

Nothing. It's a sure loser.

A great tax write-off.

Fine. I can tell you,

we got bigger problems than that.

- New ones?

- Hooper's suspicious, for one thing.

- Hooper?

- Yeah, he spoke to me.

Besides Hooper, I still cannot identify

the radioactive element in our gold.

If I can't identify it,

I don't know what its half-life is.

- If I don't know its half-life...

- Hold it. What is this half-life?

The rate of disintegration

of a radioactive substance.

In other words,

it could run out.

Run out?

You mean our duck

could stop laying gold eggs?

Exactly.

Well... You mean that duck could be

washed up right now?

It's possible.

Well, get it, Al. Get it and check.

Katie.

Katie, bring the duck.

You don't have to shout.

I have 20l20 hearing.

- Where's Charlie?

- Out.

What do you mean out?

Jimmy took him for a ride in that

cute car with the Wadlow boys.

The Wadlow boys?

Not that! The way those maniacs drive,

there goes our Charlie. Come on.

You guys said you'd take

me and Charlie for a ride.

Take it easy, man.

We will.

Can't you just put the battery in? Ow!

- Go help him.

- Hey.

Look, if you're gonna hang around

here, man, you gotta shape up, okay?

Hey, get that duck off there, he'll fry!

Get him off!

- Hey, Arvin, look. He likes it.

- Huh?

[Orlo] He's outta sight.

Jimmy, you want to sell him?

We'll give you two bucks cash.

No, sir. He's my friend.

I got an idea.

[Radio plays music]

[Boys laughing]

[Honking]

[Jimmy] Go, Charlie. Great.

- What do you think you're doing?

- Don't do that, we're having fun.

The fun's over, son.

But they're gonna take me and Charlie

for a ride.

Oh, no. No, no, no.

They're not taking this duck

in that death trap.

Hold on, Mr. Dooley.

Doesn't that duck belong to Jimmy?

Yeah, you're violating his civil rights.

It's not a civil rights case.

It's property rights.

Hitlers.

[Barking]

Albert, Jimmy's upstairs crying.

What did you do to him?

I didn't do anything to him.

I'm just protecting the duck.

We can't take chances like that.

[Fred] In fact, we have to take

it away from Jimmy altogether.

[Albert] I guess you're right.

[Katie] You can't do that.

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