The Million Dollar Duck Page #4

- Bills, fine.

But we can't risk raising suspicions

until we get this legally protected.

Now, let's try

and get some sleep.

Or, uh...

...do you think we ought to get the duck

and bark out a few more thou?

No, the duck's asleep with Jimmy

and I don't want Jimmy disturbed.

And, Fred...

Don't forget to bring my robe back.

That's not part of the deal.

Okay.

Partner.

[Katie] Albert.

Do you think maybe now we could

afford to re-shingle our house?

Re-shingle our house?

We could re-shingle the Pentagon.

We could buy the Pentagon.

Well... what would we do with it?

I'm only trying to give you

an idea of our potential.

We have what other men

have only dreamed of.

- It's kind of scary, isn't it?

- You bet it is.

Albert, just how rich will we be?

So rich that we could not

possibly spend it all.

- We could try.

- Now wait a minute.

- I just want to help all I can.

- Fine, but let's not get carried away.

We must keep our sense of values.

Aesop's fable warns us

against avarice.

- Against who?

- Greed, greed.

The fellow in the fable

let greed destroy him.

We won't do that. We're gonna play it

cool, keep our feet on the ground.

- Albert?

- Hmm?

What?

Let's take our cool feet...

and go to bed.

Okay, honey.

Cute.

I think you ought to close the window.

He might catch cold.

Oh. Oh, right.

Good idea.

Now what?

Some sense of values.

What do you mean?

Boy, he sure was right.

- Who was?

- You know.

I do?

Aesop.

[Katie] Jimmy, your lunch.

Be sure and take good care

of Charlie while I'm gone, Mom.

Don't worry, I will.

Now, run along.

And don't let Mr. Hooper's dog

get him, either.

Will you hurry up? You're gonna be

late for school, goodbye.

[Telephone rings]

Yes. Who?

Oh, uh, the bank.

Well, hi.

Bad checks?

Uh, uh, well, you printed them.

Oh, now, how could a big bank like you

have insufficient funds

and stay in business?

No, Mrs. Dooley. Not us, you.

We've explained several times

that you cannot write checks for more

money than you have in the bank.

[On phone] You could

be arrested for that.

Oh, no. Please don't.

Please, don't call Mr. Dooley.

I can get the money somehow.

[Stammering] Hold on the phone,

just a minute.

[Barking, quacking]

Mr. Meaker, I, uh...

I guess you'll just have to

call my husband about that...

[ding]

Oh, wait. Wait.

Uh, I'll be right down.

And what is this, Mrs. Dooley?

I'm overdrawn and that's

to un-overdraw me.

Yes, you are overdrawn.

But, what is this thing?

Thing? That's gold.

Worth over 900 troy ounce dollars.

And that's my deposit slip for it.

You recognize that, don't you?

One moment, please.

[Phone rings]

[Clears throat]

- Next, please.

- This way, please.

What kind of a bank is this, anyway?

Sit down.

Mrs. Dooley,

we can hardly take

a trinket for a deposit.

Trinket? Haven't you bankers

ever heard of gold?

Mrs. Dooley, even if that were

gold bouillon there's nothing...

Bouillon?

Processed gold

as distinguished from raw gold.

The only thing we can do with this

is turn it over to the Federal Reserve.

That wouldn't do very much

for your account now, would it?

Well, I should say not.

I'll just take it to another bank.

They'll have to do the same thing.

The only possible place you

could take that is to a refinery.

Refinery?

- Hi.

- Hi, honey.

- Where'd you get the hat?

- What hat?

Oh, now Albert, it was on sale.

You know, if you wrote a check

for that hat, we're overdrawn again.

No, we're not.

I deposited over 900 dollars today.

- Where did you get 900 dollars?

- From the refinery.

- You haven't been in the eggs?

- No, not those.

Charlie laid one for me.

- Why did you take it to the refinery?

- Well, the bank told me to.

The bank!

You took it to the...

Did you tell the newspapers, too?

Well, no, Albert, just the bank.

They told me if I didn't cover

my bad checks I would be arrested.

- Would you rather I got arrested?

- No, no, no.

Some husband,

he wants his wife in jail.

Didn't you hear Fred say not to tell

anybody and not to spend the money?

Yes, but what's

the use of having it?

- Hi, partners.

- Don't tell him what I did.

- What did she do?

- I sold an egg to a refinery.

- Good.

- What?

That's all we can do because we

don't have a license to handle gold.

- Well, then get us a license.

- Oh, sure.

Can you see going to

the U.s. Treasury Dept. And saying,

"I'd like a gold license for my little

ducky who lays gold eggs."

- I see what you mean.

- Couldn't Hooper help you?

- He works for the U.s. Treasury.

- Hooper?

He'd confiscate our duck so fast,

it'd singe its feathers off.

Right now, you've got to get

all the gold off the premises.

- Why?

- Federal gold regulations.

You could get ten years in the jug

for hoarding. Read this.

We'll have to think up

a good story to tell the refineries.

Why?

You go around trying

to peddle gold duck eggs,

they'll lock you up

in the nut farm.

I did it and they didn't lock me up.

Yes, but you're...

Wait a minute.

You didn't tell them

where the gold came from, did you?

- Well, he asked me.

- Oh, no.

Now the whole world

will be after that duck.

- What did he say when you told him?

- Nothing, he just laughed.

- He laughed?

- Uh-huh.

He just... laughed?

[Chuckling]

Do you hear that, Albert?

He just laughed.

Don't you see?

She solved our whole problem.

She can tell them the truth

and they'll never believe it.

And they won't lock her up,

no matter how nutty it sounds.

- Now, listen, sweetheart...

- I'm not so sure I want my wife...

- What is that, Fred? A new suit?

- [Scoffs]

Now, listen sweetheart,

here's a list of refineries.

Now don't sell

too many eggs at one time.

- Okay.

- You got a new briefcase, too.

It's nothing, Al, baby.

Keep moving around.

It might look suspicious unloading

too many at one place.

Got it.

Listen, could I buy some new clothes

to wear for this?

Oh, no. No, no, no.

We mustn't spend the money.

- [Man] Mrs. Dooley?

- Yes. Yes.

This is exceptionally

high grade ore.

Our cashier's making

a check out for you.

- Thank you.

- These, um...

These nuggets are very interesting.

All seem to be

the identical size and shape.

- Yes, I noticed that.

- I was curious how they got that way.

Would you believe

a duck laid them?

- A duck laid them.

- [Laughs]

- What kind of duck was that?

- A white one.

A white one.

Little, white duck.

- Thank you. There you are.

- Thank you.

[Stammering] Mrs. Dooley, listen,

about these nuggets...

I really have to dash.

Bye-bye.

- We don't have your address.

- That's all right. I have it.

Hello, Treasury Department?

This is Carter, down at Alco.

I got something really odd here.

You might want to check it out.

[Laughter]

[Making revving noise with mouth]

[Albert] Beauty.

Say, uh,

what's the price of a car like that?

Seven thousand nine hundred

and ninety-five dollars.

- That's not even a dozen eggs.

- I beg your pardon.

Nothing. You wouldn't happen to have

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes