The Mindy Project Page #6

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Untitled Mindy Kaling Show Pilot

She glances at her card. It says: “Married”

MIRA (CONT’D)

How do I put this...umm, are you

married?

DENNIS:

What? No. Why would I be on a date

with you if I was married?

MIRA:

(psyched)

Yeah, you’re right. My question

made no sense. I think maybe I’m a

little tipsy, because I barely ate,

because my appetite is so small.

The hostess comes over:

HOSTESS:

Miss? You have an emergency phone

call.

DENNIS:

If you need to take it, go.

MIRA:

One second, please. And please

don’t disappear or go anywhere or I

won’t be sure I didn’t dream this

entire date.

Dennis smiles warmly.

INT. BY THE WOMEN’S BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Mira’s on the phone, very angry.

MIRA:

Are you seriously calling me on my

date? How did you even know I was

here?

MAX (O.S.)

The large woman at your office told

me.

MIRA:

I’m going to kill Betsy. Are you

happy now, Max? You are responsible

for that large woman’s imminent

termination.

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*

*

*

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MAX (O.S.)

I’m really scared, Dr. Mira.

Please come see my mom.

MIRA:

I’m on a date, Max. Do you even

understand the difficulty of a

chubby 31-year-old woman going on a

legit date with a professional

white male who is not bald?

MAX (O.S.)

Huh?

MIRA:

Fine. Fine. Dammit.

INT. RESTAURANT TABLE - MOMENTS LATER

Mira stands by a bewildered Dennis, holding her coat.

DENNIS *

You’re leaving? Can’t someone else *

cover for you?

MIRA:

Technically yes, but I really need

to go.

He looks puzzled.

MIRA (CONT’D)

I don’t have many patients. But the

ones I do have chose me when they

have literally dozens of other

better options in my own building.

So if they’re willing to take that

chance on me, I feel like the least

I can do is be there when they’re *

having a baby.

DENNIS:

So, I’ll just finish dinner by

myself.

MIRA:

I had a great time. You’re *

incredibly cute, and from what I *

can tell, you have no *

imperfections. I’m sorry I’m not *

able to stay. I hope we can go out

again sometime.

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DENNIS:

(no way)

Sure. I’ll call you.

MIRA:

(sad, goodbye)

Looking forward to it.

*

Mira exits. She kicks the wall on the way out. *

MIRA (CONT’D)

Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!

*

*

EXT. STREET - NIGHT

Mira runs out in her cocktail dress.

MIRA:

Taxi!

There are no taxis.

MIRA (CONT’D) *

Dammit! *

EXT. STREET - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS

Mira books it down the street. She stops and takes off her

heels, sprinting.

MIRA *

Dammit! *

EXT. ST. ELIZABETH’S MEDICAL CENTER - CONTINUOUS

Mira races in. She slides into the elevator. She hits her *

shoes against the wall, annoyed. *

INT. LABOR & DELIVERY - CONTINUOUS

Mira bursts in.

MIRA:

Marilyn! Prep the patient. I’m

scrubbin’ in!

INT. HOSPITAL - DOCTORS’ LOCKER ROOM

Mira hurls her purse on the floor and opens her locker. Close-*

up as she presses play on the iPod dock. We hear Beyonce’s *

“Countdown” play. Listening to this song, she closes her eyes *

for a moment, centering herself. She opens her eyes with a *

new-found focus. *

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We now see why Mira is our hero: alone in the doctors’ locker

room, she has a confidence and energy we have not seen

before. To the beat of this awesome song, Mira looks in the *

mirror. She is ready and psyched. She takes off her earrings,

puts her hair in a bun, takes out her contacts, puts on her

glasses, washes her hands, and gets ready for the delivery.

She is all business. She’s calm, confident.

We see her walk in slow-mo out of the doctors’ locker room in

her scrubs to the operating room like Danny Ocean. Who

wouldn’t want this woman to be her doctor?

INT. HOSPITAL - DELIVERY ROOM - A LITTLE LATER

Nasreen and Max are there. They look terrified.

MIRA:

Max, your baby sister is upside

down, so I need to do an emergency

c-section on your mom. Will you

tell her?

Max translates.

MIRA (CONT’D)

To do that, we’re going to have to

put you under.

Max translates. Nasreen nods. *

MAX:

I don’t want to leave her.

MIRA:

It’s going to be okay. I do these

all the time, and I know what I’m

doing.

Max translates. Nasreen nods.

MIRA (CONT’D)

(to Max)

Hey. You’re going to be okay, too.

I promise. Sit right outside. Take

my phone.

Mira gestures to the phone. Max takes it and leaves.

EXT. OPERATING ROOM - A LITTLE LATER

Mira is operating. We see Brooks watching from the window of

the operation room.

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INT. RECOVERY ROOM - TWO HOURS LATER

Nasreen holds her baby girl with Max next to her. They look *

to Mira gratefully. Mira smiles back, going over details of *

the surgery. *

INT. HOSPITAL - DOCTORS’ LOUNGE - AN HOUR LATER *

Mira sits in the doctors’ lounge playing Connect Four by

herself on a table. On the TV we see When Harry Met Sally is *

playing. Billy Crystal is running through the Manhattan *

streets. *

BILLY CRYSTAL (V.O.) *

...When you realize you want to *

spend the rest of your life with *

somebody, you want the rest of your *

life to start as soon as possible. *

Mira watches, a little sad. Brooks stands watching it in the *

doorway. *

BROOKS *

Who would actually do that? You *

don’t need to run. You can just see *

her the next day. *

MIRA *

What? Who wouldn’t run? *

They look at each other. *

MIRA (CONT’D) *

How are we the same species? *

Brooks sits down at the same table. *

BROOKS *

I’m assuming, date is cancelled? *

Mira nods, a little miserable. *

BROOKS (CONT’D) *

Who was the guy?

MIRA:

An analyst.

BROOKS:

What did he analyze?

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MIRA:

I don’t know. Stocks or something?

Files? But he made a lot of money *

and he wasn’t clinically depressed.

BROOKS:

Whoa. Book a church. *

MIRA *

Maybe I won’t get married. Maybe *

I’ll travel and take lovers and be *

friends with Gail and Oprah. *

BROOKS *

Plenty of unmarried women have *

fulfilling lives. They adopt *

animals, volunteer. *

MIRA:

You know what? This pizza sucks. *

The food was better in jail.

BROOKS:

Then why are you eating all of it?

It’s to share. *

MIRA:

This is not an individual pizza?

God, pizzas are getting so small

these days.

BROOKS:

Well, if he’s not depressed, he’s

probably a murderer, or in love *

with his mom or something. Or both. *

(then) *

You know, you actually didn’t do a *

terrible job with that breach. *

MIRA:

I knew it, stalker! You were

lurking like a vulture! *

BROOKS:

Yeah, my master plan was that you’d *

get distracted and make a rambling,

offensive speech, and then, I’d *

pounce.

MIRA:

(amazed)

That was kind of funny, Brooks. *

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