The Miracle Woman Page #5

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living here all by yourself?

But I don't live here all

by myself. I've got a pal.

Oh, my goodness.

I hope we didn't keep him up.

Ill get him.

I want you to meet him.

No. Oh, no.

Please, some other time.

Oh, Al would never forgive me

if I didn't introduce him to you.

Come on, chump,

get up out of there.

Come on, I want you

to meet a lady.

AL:
Leave me alone. I met a lady.

JOHN:

Come on, chump.

AL:
All right, all right.

But she better be good.

Al, I want you to meet Sister Fallon.

Oh, how are you, Sister?

Where you been all my life?

Cut that out, Al.

Oh, go lay an egg.

Lay an omelette, will you?

You know, Sister,

every time I express myself,

this big dummy

tries to step on me.

Mind if I join the party?

Come right in.

Lucky break for you, chump.

You know who I am?

I'm the skeleton in the closet.

He keeps me locked up until he gets

into a jam and then he hauls me out.

No utsgay. No utsgay.

Here, Al. One more crack like that,

and Ill put you back in the trunk.

Yeah, you

and what piano mover?

Ill bet the chump's been

telling you the story of his life.

Ill bet he's been showing

off. He always does.

He even thinks

he's a ventriloquist.

[BLOWS RASPBERRY]

There you go again,

getting personal.

Sure, I'm getting personal.

It's time somebody was

getting personal around here.

You know, Sister.

I've heard a lot about you.

From whom?

From the sapodil here.

That's all he talks about.

Sister this, Sister that

and Sister the other.

I wish you'd do me a favour.

Now, look here, Al...

Shut up. I'm not talking to you.

You let that little boy alone.

Ill be glad to do you

a favour. You know me, Al.

See, you, will you keep

your mush out of this?

It isn't for me personally.

It's for the boyfriend.

You know what's wrong with the

slob? He's looking for a job.

Slob. Job.

Hey! I'm a poet.

What rhymes

with "Sister"? I got it.

"Mister."

There once was

a sister named Flo

All dressed up and no place to go

One night in the rain

She ran into a swain

And was she annoyed?

No, no.

[LAUGHING]

You know why he was

a stage-door Johnny tonight?

He wants to go to work for you.

For me?

Not for money. He gets along fine

on what the government pays him.

He wants to go to work

for you for nothing.

Ain't that right?

That's right.

Yes, but why should you?

Go on, tell her.

All right, if you don't, I will.

It's because you saved his life.

Me?

Yeah, you.

The funny part is you didn't

know you were doing it.

He was gonna jump

right out that window,

but you happened to be on the air

at that moment. And you stopped him

with a few well-chosen words

about quitters.

Is this true?

Certainly, it's true.

I told him the same thing many a

time, but he wouldn't listen to me.

As far as I'm concerned,

he could've jumped.

Only I didn't wanna be left

alone with Mrs. Higgins.

Two is a company, three

is a crowd, I always say.

You mean to say that

something I said over the radio

actually stopped you from

jumping out of the window?

Yeah. I started to go Hamlet,

but you kidded me out of it.

Say, couldn't I do something

for you? Go to work for you?

[CHUCKLES]

Card tricks or something?

Well...

You write music. Do you

suppose you could write hymns?

Boy, and could I write hymns.

All right, you're hired.

I thank you,

and Al thanks you

and Ill be around to the tabernacle

first thing in the morning.

Oh, l... I don't think you'd

better come to the tabernacle.

Too many people coming

in and out all the time.

I think you'd work

much better here at home.

Whatever you say.

And then it would sort of

give me an excuse

to come and see

you once in a while.

Say, if you'll do that,

Ill never leave the house.

Well, it's been a lovely visit.

And you taught me how to laugh

almost after I'd forgotten how.

Now, you keep out of the rain and

don't you go Hamlet anymore, will you?

All right.

Good night.

Good night.

I'm...

I'm glad I saved your life.

[CHEERING]

Step up, folks.

Don't miss the big show.

Drown your sins in good old gin,

and don't miss the great,

one-and-only Miracle Lady.

[CHEERING]

Oh, dear ones!

The spiel that I have cooked up for

you this evening is on the subject of

"Will you have ginger ale,

or will you have white rum?"

Come on in, Sister.

We're having a swell time.

WOMAN:

- No sin in the world like mixing drinks!

Yea, brethren and "sistren"...

Oh, hello, Sister. Hallelujah!

[CHEERING]

Stand back, please.

I phoned your house a dozen times.

Where the devil have you been?

Do I have to bring

home report cards?

Where did you collect

all that garbage?

Now, wait till they warm up.

You told me you wanted

a lot of laughs, didn't you?

Say, chief, I hear you're

looking for some shills.

They're not paying salaries

on our lot, and I'm available.

Yeah?

Yes.

Get this for a miracle.

You see, I comes up to Sister like this.

She lays on the healing mitts.

I sees the light and...

Wham!

Hallelujah!

I play the saxophone too.

Drop in and see me tomorrow.

Okay, boss.

He's not bad, is he?

What's the matter?

I thought you

wanted to relax.

Don't you like my party?

No.

Now, Ill throw them all out.

And we'll have a nice, quiet

little party all by ourselves.

No, thanks. I wanna go home.

Hello, Sister. I'm glad

you decided to show up.

I was just telling Hornsby...

Lay off!

No, I want her to hear this. She

can't pull this Pollyanna stuff on me.

I'm sick of doing the hard work and

seeing you two get all the gravy.

Twenty percent to me, and I have to

kick back half of that to my chiselers.

And you split

80 percent between you.

I told you that goes

to the tabernacle.

Oh, yeah? Well, who's gonna

live in it? Santa Claus?

I rate a three-way split.

And I'm gonna get it too.

Not from me.

If I don't get it from you,

I know where I can get it.

Where?

The nearest newspaper office.

Well?

Do I get mine,

or must I take up journalism?

You'll get yours.

Okay, baby. Live and

let live. That's me.

Wait a minute. Ill take you home.

No, thanks.

I don't want any company.

Let me alone.

Follow her and see

she goes right home.

Now from the whole tabernacle.

Did you receive God's message?

CROWD:

Amen!

FLORENCE:

Glory hallelujah!

CROWD:

Glory hallelujah!

[BAND PLAYING HYMN]

Here's your paper, sir.

Lew?

LEW:
Yes, sir.

Where does Sister Fallon go

every night after services?

Why, home.

Always?

Well, sometimes she likes

to go for a drive.

Alone?

Sure.

You like your job, don't you?

Certainly.

You wanna keep it?

Yes.

Well, if you do, remember,

the people I like stick around.

The people I don't like, don't.

Okay, sir.

And that big,

black derby of yours.

You feel pretty good

lately, don't you?

Yeah. I guess the climate

agrees with me.

It doesn't show

in the box office.

Now that business is off, you

walk around singing all the time.

Maybe it's because

I'm a bad businesswoman.

Maybe.

You rang down early tonight,

didn't you?

I'm all in.

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