The Monster Squad Page #2

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Onto a bomb! (WOMAN) Sean! Phoebe! Dinner!

Oops. Gotta go.

Wait. Am I in or what?

(ANNOUNCER CHATTING ON TV)

I mean it, spaz.

(PHOEBE) You gotta stop it.

Uh, uh, uh, uh!

Wash up for dinner, guys.

(PHOEBE) Boring guy, boring guy, boring guy, boring guy.

What's this, Mom?

Huh? Oh, I got that for you today at Jane Burgess' garage sale.

Says it's from that old house up on Shadowbrook Road.

Holy sh*t! Uh, sor... cow. Um, I'm sorry.

Mom, do you know who wrote this book?

Yeah. It's, what, Van Helsing something.

Now, he's the one that fights Godzilla. Right?

Dracula, Mom.

Well, then which is the really tall one?

That's Godzilla.

My God! Abraham Van Helsing.

This is great!

This is German.

(THUNDER)

(THUNDER)

Let it begin.

(THUNDER)

(THUNDER)

Hey, slick.

Busy day?

Not really.

Shoot any crooks today? Afraid not.

But I still may if you don't wash up for dinner.

(WATER SPLASHES)

What's on your mind?

Well, Dad, uh, some of the guys and me were maybe gonna go see Groundhog Day Part 12 tonight, only if it's okay with you.

Is it? Please?

Oh, we got a problem.

No way! Yes, way.

I gotta go out with your Mother tonight.

You got a certain 5-year-old sister who needs baby-sitting. Oh, come on, Dad!

I've waited all year to see this movie!

Pal, it's only a movie. Look, tomorrow night, you and I'll go see Groundhog Day.

I'll get home early.

Tomorrow night? That'll be too late!

The guys will blab the entire plot!

What? Did I hear "plot"?

Sean, it is a guy with an ax.

Anyway, I thought they killed him in the last one.

They did. And he returns from his grave.

Returns from the grave?

Sean, he always returns from the grave.

If they blew him up, put his head in a blender, and mailed the rest of the pieces to Norway, he would still return from the grave. That was part seven.

You want to know what the plot is?

The plot separates you from my five bucks.

I want to see a stupid movie.

Well, you can't. You're baby-sitting.

Fine. Can I have five bucks anyway?

Absolutely.

So, where you two goin' tonight?

Marriage counselor.

Again?

I thought you quit smoking.

Sean.

Son, I love you dearly, but do me a favor.

Put your basic lid on it.

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

Now, get outta here.

(RING)

Hello. Yeah?

Officer, please! Lock me up!

Lock... Yeah. I'm a werewolf! I'm a werewolf!

Please. Please. Hey, Del.

I know it sounds crazy, but... Bad news.

Listen, I gotta go downtown.

Can you reschedule that appointment?

Honey, I'm a cop, okay?

You knew that when you bought the package.

Look. It's important.

I'm important.

I love you.

Prove it.

I'll see you in a few hours.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Just for a night!

You see, it's a full Moon!

And I'm a werewolf! Take it easy.

You don't understand! You gotta lock me up!

You gotta put me in a cage!

Buddy, I'd like nothin' better! Hold onto your pants!

Oh, God! You don't understand! You've gotta... Oh!

Anything you say, fella.

Put the cuffs on him.

I got it. All right. I got him now.

Aah!

Jesus Christ! We need some backup!

Bon voyage!

Lock me up!

So, let me get this straight.

You tellin' me there was this 2,000-year-old Mummy here, right?

Yes, Sir. Uh-huh.

Well, now he's not here. He's gone. Vanished. History.

Yes, Sir.

And you're sayin' you didn't hear anybody come in here or leave. Is that right?

Can you hear me now? Hello?

I can hear you fine.

So, nobody took the Mummy.

I would've heard them. (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

Of course he would've. What a stupid question.

Did you take him?

No, Sir!

Just a shot.

That's it, Del.

This case is too hard, man.

Let's be firemen instead.

I'm glad you're gettin' major laughs out of this, Rich.

The problem is, 2,000-year-old dead guys do not get up and walk away by themself.

(WOMAN, ON RADIO) Accident patrol, uh, request confirmation.

You have the 915-H officer-involved shooting en route?

(SQUELCHING)

(ROARING) Aah!

Aah!

My God! You scared me!

(MAN) Where are Steve and Judy?

(WOMAN) I thought they were with you.

(MAN CHATTERING)

(GIRL) Not funny.

(MAN) Well, something funny's...

What did I Miss?

(WOMAN) Judy? Steve?

(MAN) Hey! (WOMAN SCREAMS)

Oh, sheriff. You scared us.

(SHERIFF) Never mind about that.

(THUNDER) (DIALOGUE INDISTINCT)

♪ (SCARY MUSIC)

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

This is the best part.

(MAN) Judy!

No!

Lieutenant, you wanna come over and take a look at this?

(MAN, ON RADIO) Dispatch, Unit 7.

(SIREN)

Unit 7, come in, please.

Please copy.

Wonderful. Great! Just what I need.

Come again? You're... What?

(SIGNAL BREAKING UP) Uh, request, uh, cadaver...

I can't hear you! No, no, no! I said "missing"!

The body's missing! It's the second one tonight.

Confirmed. That makes two tonight, right, Lieutenant?

Ha, ha. That's very funny. (CHUCKLES)

And you want to shut up about it? (LAUGHING)

(FROGS CROAKING)

(SNARLING)

(GROWLING)

(SNARLS, GROWLS)

(DISTANT THUNDER)

It's been so long.

So very long.

Wake up, old friend.

It is our time.

(THUNDER)

(EXHALES)

Long... time...

...Master.

(HOWLING)

And you put the candle next to your bed like this.

Your Mom did this when you were a little girl?

Uh-huh.

It means "I love you."

And as long as it's here, nothing bad can happen.

Sean says when it lightnings, monsters come.

Oh, he's just trying to scare you, honey.

Will lightning hit the house?

No.

The candle keeps it away?

That's right.

Say goodnight to Scraps.

Goodnight, Scraps.

Good night, Emily. Mwah.

Good night, sweetheart.

Are you gonna yell at him?

Honey... I love your father.

What?

I mean Sean, for scaring me.

Of course you did.

I'll talk to him about it, sweetheart.

Sweet dreams.

You're thinkin' about your job, isn't that right?

I can see it in your eyes, Del.

(DEL) Yeah! I'm glad you can see it in my eyes, 'cause for a minute there I thought I had you fooled.

Come on, this isn't... No, come on!

Look in my eyes. Look in my eyes!

I'll think about stuff, and you can tell me when I'm thinking correctly!

Keep your voice down.

I don't want the children...

I had a lousy night, all right?

Every night I have a lousy night.

I'm sorry it's such a pain in the ass for you with my stupid little job!

I am trying to explain...

Some guy steals a priceless Egyptian Mummy...

That happens every day. Skip that.

Then I get a call from some nutcase who's shouting he's a werewolf!

Huh? You like that?

What do they do? They blow him away right there in the police station!

Wait a minute! There is more to this!

(SHOUTING CONTINUES)

...marriage counseling! For what?

(SHOUTING CONTINUES)

(THUNDER)

(THUNDER)

Wha?

There's a monster in my closet.

Damn, son, look!

All of these monsters!

Come on, all of you monsters, outta here!

Everyone, out of this room! Come... Ahh, ahh!

You, on the bed. Come on. Out. Out. Take a hike.

There he goes.

(SIGHS)

You see any more monsters?

In the closet?

Sure. We can go into the closet.

We can do that.

Okay, monsters!

Whoo!

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