The Movie Out Here Page #2

Get her in,

Get the story firsthand.

Yes, sir.

We're on it.

Remember, she's still in shock.

Take her statement,

And act like

f***ing professionals.

Understand?

We won't let you down, sir.

Shut the f*** up.

You're just lucky

you've got great hair.

I want to f*** that hair.

Is it weird that

I want to f*** that hair?

No.

Clear!

Okay, Clare,

I got to call you back.

Gary, what the hell

are you doing?

Oh, for f***'s sake.

Is he dead this time?

Well, he appears to be

breathing out of his ass.

You poor little fat teddy bear.

Adam, you're going to

have to go to fernie.

Do it for Gary,

may he rest in peace.

He's not dead.

Yet.

Isn't there anyone else?

I'll ask around.

Gary!

You bloated unhealthy f***!

Can you fly your almost-Dead

fat ass to fernie

To file those papers?

Nope.

Looks like Gary can't make it.

Have a nice flight.

I'm sorry

I can't get out of it.

I'll only in fernie

till Monday.

Well, I see where

your priorities lie.

You just want to go up there

And party with

your loser friend, Theo.

Look, I've got

another call coming in

That I got to take.

No, don't you hang up on me...

Love you.

Hey, Jason.

Hello? Jason?

Jason!

Hello?

Hey, man, what's going on?

Hello?

Who is this?

It's Adam.

Oh, hey, what's up, Adam?

How you doing, baby?

Look, I'm kind of busy

right now, man.

You called me.

Are you okay?

Are you jogging or something?

Oh, sh*t, you know what?

Man, I pocket-Dialed you,

But with my penis.

My dick pocket-Dialed you.

That's crazy...

awesome.

Yeah, oh, yeah...

yeah, it is awesome.

Here, let me get your shoe.

Yeah...

yo, man, where you at, son?

I'm in a plane

on my way to fernie.

Oh, that's crazy!

I'm scheduled

to fly to Calgary today.

We should totally hook up.

Sorry, man, I don't have time.

Okay, cool.

I will meet you out in fernie.

How about that?

Isn't it kind of expensive

For you just to fly in

for the weekend?

Oh, baby... Man,

I'm a flight attendant.

Means I can fly

anywhere I want to fly.

Do you think I took this job

for the shiny gold wings?

Watch my wings, baby.

I thought you took the job

So that you can have, uh,

sex with the stewardesses.

I'm insulted by that, man.

How shallow do you think I am?

That depends.

Are you with a stewardess

right now?

Whoa, not the bum, girl,

not the bum!

Aw...

anyway, don't come...

Uh...

don't come to fernie.

I've got a lot of things...

I don't have time to see you,

all right?

Do not come.

No, fernie,

no cuming in fernie.

All right,

I'll talk to you later, man.

I really gots to go.

See ya later.

Oh.

Oh, sorry.

You okay?

It's no problem.

Would you mind holding Morris

for me for a sec?

Oh.

Okay.

We called him Morris, you know,

Like that cat

from the commercials?

We didn't have a name

for him for weeks,

But then realized

he just loves milk...

I mean, he keeps sucking on me

Like a vacuum.

My nipples get

really chafed, you know?

You look really familiar.

Are you from fernie?

Originally, yeah,

but I moved to Toronto.

You used to hang out

with Theo, right?

I'm friends with

his older sister.

Annie.

Annie Benson.

Annie. Hi.

Hi.

Right. Annie.

Wow.

You have got to say hi

to Theo for me.

He must be

really successful now.

I thought he'd be

some sort of ceo

Or neurosurgeon.

He was always so bright.

He failed the fourth grade...

And uh, and the seventh,

And the eighth.

Means nothing.

Albert Eisenstein failed school

And then went on to become

the greatest physicist

Of the 20th century.

How do you think he did that?

I have no idea.

How do you think he came up

with e equals mc-Two?

You think he slept

his way to the top?

No, I, uh...

you do, don't you?

You think he f***ed his way

into the Nobel prize,

And someone else came up with

The theory of negativity.

Theo...

was a genius.

Can you see anything?

Not yet, Theo.

Keep relaxing.

You're feeling all the energy

coming out of your fingertips

Onto your...

shag carpet.

Is there any more food?

Check the fridge, dude.

I think I'm starting

to feel it now.

Do you see anything?

Uh...

your energy is brown.

I knew it.

We need at least

12 more sessions.

12?

I thought you said we'd be done

in, like, four sessions.

You want to walk around

with a brown aura?

12 sessions.

I don't know

if I have the money for that.

Stop your negativity.

Classic brown aura behaviour.

Sorry.

I've gotta stop being so brown.

Hey, you wanna hang out?

I got that high-Speed

internet connection

That you wanted me to get.

Uh...

I'll come back in a while,

Maybe when you're not around.

Really?

I have a lot of

downloading to do.

I don't want to

monopolize your time.

Cool.

Door's always open.

Seriously?

I know you have work to do.

You won't even notice me.

How did you find me?

I tailed you from the airport.

Why?

I've just always

wanted to do that.

I jumped in the cab,

And I was like,

"follow that car!"

Okay.

That's kind of weird.

No, it's cool.

What... in the f***?

What kind of backward-Ass

hotel is this?

This is my friend Theo's place.

He waxes snowboards and skis.

I think your friend

is homeless, dawg.

He's not.

I think he is.

What's up, b*tches?

Is that Theo?

No.

I think Theo just got robbed.

Theo!

Adam!

Awesome!

Theo. This is Jason.

He's a good buddy

of mine from Toronto.

Yongo nanimaska.

Hey, man, uh, dude, what

the f*** is that smell, man?

It smells like someone

mixed cinnamon with-

With a**hole.

I'm sorry, I'm just

burning some incense.

I got it from

my spiritual counsellor.

Spiritual counsellor?

Yeah, and personal trainer.

He's been giving me a lot of

great stretching routines.

I'm like an inch taller now.

I feel really limber.

I'm not saying

that you will or do,

But are you capable

of sucking on your own dick?

This guy.

I love him.

Anyway, what are

you guys doing here?

This is crazy.

I'm here on business.

Why are you always talking

about business, man?

Come on, what you got

to do all weekend?

I have to file

a paper at city hall.

And I'm planning

a wedding all weekend.

You need to relax, man.

Just come have one beer.

Cool, yeah.

I was just going to

shut down for the day

Anyway, so...

what the...

Let me help you out there.

It's not going to bite.

I have plenty of room

for you guys

If you want to stay.

And I have really good

internet now, too, so...

thanks, Theo, man.

I'm good anywhere.

There's a room in the back.

It's like it was made for you.

You do know

I'm not Japanese, right?

As if.

Really?

Okay. Maybe

We should get out of here.

See, that's what

I'm talking about.

Y'all two can

show me your town.

Yeah, that sounds good.

It'll help me shake

this whole brown aura thing

I got going on.

Brown?

What's wrong with brown?

You just need to get

some f***in' clothes on.

That's what you need to do.

Nothing wrong with brown,

something wrong with that.

This guy, I love it.

I'll be right back.

Not Japanese...

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