The Muppet Movie Page #3

I want to eat drums!

No, no, beat drums!

Beat drums!

Beat drums! Beat drums!

- Down, Animal! Back! Sit!

- Down, back, sit!

Hey, don't forget about me.

I'm Scooter,

the band's road manager.

Yeah, we couldn't go

anywhere without him.

- He's the man with the contacts?

- No, he's the man with the van!

We're takin' this old church

and turnin' it into a coffee house.

Yeah, with real good music

and organic refreshments.

Boy, it'll be so fine and laid back

and mellow and profitable.

Yeah, but what

brings you dudes here?

Listen, see, Kermit here

was living in the swamp.

- Fozzie--

- Then a fisherman came along.

You can't tell 'em the whole story.

You'll bore the audience.

Oh, sorry.

But, Kermit.

- The band here wants to know.

- Let 'em read the screenplay.

Yes, sir!

See, it starts here on page one.

The Muppet Movie, huh?

Let's see.

'' Exterior. Swamp. Day.

In a long helicopter shot

we discover Kermit the Frog...

playin' his banjo and singin'.

A Hollywood agent starts

the frog traveling west.

Doc Hopper comes on strong

and they get to this church.

Interior. Church. Day. Fozzie.

They don't look like

Presbyterians to me.

Kermit and Fozzie come walkin'

down the aisle...

to the thunderously loud music...

of Dr. Teeth

and the Electric Mayhem.''

Which am us!

Yeah! Yeah!

This is a narrative of

very heavy-duty proportions.

Cosmic, man. We gotta keep this little

froggy away from this Hopper dude.

Too true.

Too true.

It is indeed a problem for

us to ''probosculate'' upon.

But it seems the frog and the bear

are temporarily out of service.

Wow, like, what

can we do to help them?

- Well, if this were the movies...

- Which it is.

we'd think of

a clever plot device.

Like disguising their car

so they won't be recognized.

Right, two, three, four.

Oh,yeah

All right

Anybody's lover

Everybody's brother

I wanna be your lifetime friend

Crazy as a rocket

Nothin'in my pocket

I keep it at the rainbow's end

I never think of money

I think of milk and honey

Grinnin'like a Cheshire cat

I focus on the pleasure

Somethin'I can treasure

Can ya picture that

Can ya picture that

Oh,yeah

So high

Hey Floyd, take a verse!

Let me take your picture

Add it to the mixture

There it is

I gotcha now

Really nothin'to it

Anyone can do it

It's easy and we all know how

Now begins the changin'

Mental rearrangin'

Nothing's really where it's at

Now the Eiffel Tower's

holding up a flower

I gave it to a Texas cat

Fact is there's nothing

out there you can't do

Yeah, even Santa Claus

believes in you

Beat down your walls

Begin, believe, begat

Be a better drummer

Be an up-and-comer

- Can you picture that

- Can you baggy that

All of us are winnin'

Pickin'and a-grinnin'

Lordy, but I love to jam

Jelly-belly gigglin'

Dancin'and a-wigglin'

Honey, that's the way I am

I lost my heart in Texas

Northern Lights affect us

I keep it underneath my hat

Aurora Borealis shinin'down on Dallas

Can you picture that

Can you picture that

- Can you picture

- You got to see it in your mind

- Can you picture

- Yo, it's quick and easy to find

- Can you picture

- You don't have to buy a frame

Can you picture

Can you picture that

Can you picture that

- Use it if you need it

- Don't forget to feed it

Can you picture that

Doc Hopper will never

recognize you now.

I don't know how

to thank you guys.

- I don't know why to thank you guys.

- Our pleasure, green stuff.

Are you sure you won't come

with us to Hollywood?

Can't, baby.

But when you get rich and famous...

maybe we'll show up

and exploit your wealth.

Movin' right along, Fozzie.

Bye-bye! Bye-bye!

Hollywood! Hollywood!

Remember,

this frog does everything.

He talks, he sings,

he dances, he tells jokes.

He even rides a bicycle.

Max, find me a frog and a bear

in a tan Studebaker.

Gee, Doc, all I can see is a frog and

a bear in a rainbow-colored Studebaker.

- What?

- What?

- Fozzie, they're right behind us!

- I know! I know!

- How did they recognize us?

- They recognized you.

- What do you mean?

- There's a hundred bears around.

I'm gaining on 'em, Doc!

- Can't you drive any faster?

- No, sir.

Pull in front of that sign.

- Now duck.

- What?

- Get down, Fozzie.

- Yes, sir.

Oh, yeah?

Uh-huh, yeah.

I tell ya, Camilla.

Great plumbers are born, not made.

I'm a prince of the plunger,

fair maiden.

Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah. We'll do that.

just wait till we get there.

Fozzie, look at that

funny little truck.

- Yeah. Cute, huh?

- No, it's coming straight at us.

We're gonna hit!

- We missed it.

- Oh? You call that a miss?

I'm getting in your car.

- You guys okay?

- Why are you hopping up and down?

- Because I'm hopping mad.

- Guy's got a sense of humor.

- Hey, why don't you join us?

- Where are you going?

- We're following our dream.

- Really? I have a dream too.

- Oh?

- But you'll think it's stupid.

- No, I won't.

- Tell us. Tell us.

I wanna go to Bombay, India,

and become a movie star.

You don't go to Bombay

to become a movie star.

You go where we're going--

Hollywood!

Sure, if you wanna do it

the easy way.

We picked up a weirdo.

Hey, look up ahead.

There's Mad Man Mooney's.

- What's that?

- That's a used car lot.

Maybe we can trade in both

these old cars and get one big one.

- Wait, trade in my uncle's Studebaker?

- Sure.

- When he wakes up, he'll kill me.

- You're swingin' this turn very wide.

Hold it, will ya?

Here we go. Up the bump.

Okay, here we go. Hold on.

- Pull it up ahead there.

- Look at these cars!

- Are you gonna sell my plunger too?

- No, he's not.

Look at 'em up there.

Pull it up a little farther.

Where shall I stop?

How should I stop?

- A little bit farther.

- Okay. Here?

- Everybody out of the car.

- Okay. Chickens first.

My dear friends, welcome to

Mad Man Mooney's hubcap heaven.

Today is your lucky day.

- It is?

- Yes, it is. You, for example.

- You're drivin' the wrong car.

- I am?

I can put you in this German

street machine for only $2,000.

Less a $1 2 trade-in

on your old vehicle.

Now, this car is one

of the greatest--

Detachable fenders

for narrow garages.

No, thanks.

What is this pile of--

jack, get rid of this heap.

Come out here!

What?

What, what?

What's the matter with you?

That's myJack.

- Hi,Jack.

-Jack not name.Jack job.

How many times have I told you

not to talk to the customers?

- Yeah, I know--

-Just move this. You understand?

Wow!

Friends, Mad Man Mooney doesn't believe

in all that dealing and wheeling.

No, the price on the sticker

is the price you pay.

And never more and never less.

We'll take that one for $1 1 .95.

- What?

- Less our $1 2 trade-in.

You owe us a nickel.

Thank you very much. Hey, we're

all going to Hollywood. Wanna come?

- Hollywood!

- That's strange. He just ran away.

- Moving right along, Fozzie.

- Yes, sir.

- Watch where you're going now, Fozzie.

- Yes, sir.

Hey! Wait!

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