The Nanny Diaries Page #4

And the apartment is

just incredible.

- Yeah?

- And my roommate could not be nicer.

Nanny, in the morning,

I need you to stop at Tiffany's

and pick up Mr. X's watch.

Then I need you to Xerox

the recommendation letters

for Grayer's Collegiate

application.

Also, I was thinking, we should

introduce French food into his diet.

It might enhance his study

of the language. So tomorrow night,

why don't you make him

coquilles St. Jacques for dinner, hmm?

- Annie?

- Dry cleaning.

Who was that,

your roommate?

Mom, I have to go.

I have some work stuff to take care of.

Wait a minute.

I want to make a plan to visit.

Ann...

Hi, ladies.

So I took Madison to

the doctor this morning.

She had grown three

inches in six months.

You take her to

the doctor too?

Darling, I do everything.

My job is a type C.

- Mmm.

- Type C? What's type C?

Oh Jesus.

Okay, newbie.

Pay attention, honey.

Basically,

there's three types of nanny gigs.

Okay, type A,

you provide "couple time"

a few nights a week

for women who work all day

and parent at night.

Type B, you provide

"sanity time,"

every afternoon, right,

to a woman who mothers in

the mornings and the evenings.

And type C,

the most common,

you provide 24-"me time"

to the woman who neither

works nor mothers.

So, which one are you?

I am type C,

no question.

Although when I started I had no idea.

I thought it would be

a kind of fun and easy job.

You'd think

a college graduate

would choose a job

a little more wisely.

Actually, this job

kind of chose me.

Chose you?

Please, child.

I left my country

because I thought I could give my boy

and my sick mother a better life.

I was supposed to be here

two or three years tops.

And while I've been raising

these strangers' children,

my own child has grown up

without a mother.

That's how this job

chose me.

Half a tablespoon

of tarragon.

That's dried.

I like fresh.

Well, you know what?

Dried's all we got, okay, kiddo?

I hate coquilles dry.

I want sushi.

Well, then tell your mother

you want to learn Japanese.

Mmm!

Okay.

Ah!

I'm telling Mommy.

You're in trouble.

Okay.

That's it.

No, Mommy says they're full

of high-fructose corn syrup.

Well, what mommy doesn't know

won't hurt her, okay, Mr. Tattletale?

Eat it.

Go on.

Right out of the jar.

It's okay.

- Mmm.

- Mmm.

- It's yummy, isn't it?

- This is fun.

Yeah?

This is fun. This is fun.

And this fun meal has to

be our little secret, okay?

Okay.

Okay.

Hey, you know, we can do

lots of fun things.

We just have to be friends

and we have to trust each other.

- Okay?

- Mmm-hmm.

Maybe you should have

a secret name too?

- You want a secret name?

- Yeah, I want a secret name.

Okay.

How about Sponge Bob?

- No, silly.

- No?

All right, what about...

what about Grover?

Grover,

I love Grover.

You do?

All right. Grover it is.

Where's my little munchkin?

- Daddy! Daddy's home.

- Huh?

- Yay, Daddy. Daddy's home.

- I hear him, I hear him.

- Daddy!

- Oh, there he is!

Oh my goodness, I'm sorry.

Are you a little monster?

Remember what happens

to little monsters?

- Come here for a minute.

- No, Daddy!

You remember?

What's wrong with you?

- Daddy!

- Come here for a minute.

You get viciously tickled.

You remember that?

- Daddy, stop it.

- Huh? Hey.

- You my little superstar?

- Yeah.

Are you? Are you gonna

take over the world?

Come on, answer me.

You gonna take over the world?

- Yes.

- And when are you gonna do it?

- Next year.

- Next year's not soon enough.

Well, you must be Mr. X.

I'm the new nanny.

Yeah. Keep him

quiet tonight, will you?

I've got a merger

I'm working on.

I don't get some

decent shut-eye tonight,

somebody around here's

gonna be accountable.

Daddy, come see

my dinosaur!

- Daddy's got work to do, buddy.

- Please?

Hey, Grayer, don't...

don't be sad. It's okay.

Daddy's just tired.

Grover.

Hey, you want to

finish our fun meal?

Come on!

Yeah.

Frère Jacques

Frère Jacques

Dormez vous,

dormez vous

Sonnez les matines,

sonnez les matines.

Nanny?

Yeah, Grover?

You'll never leave me

like Bertie, will you?

- Grover, you know I...

- Promise?

I'm not going anywhere.

You know that, right, honey?

Right, Grove?

Oh beautiful...

Dear Nanny,

please remember that

today is the 4th of July family party

at Mr. X's office.

It probably slipped your mind

that costumes are required,

so I took it upon myself

to have some delivered.

- This is itchy.

- I know, sweetheart.

Why do we have to

dress up?

Freedom, Grove.

It's all in the name

of freedom.

Hey, guys.

- Who is that?

- That's the nanny, dear.

- You've met her.

- What happened to Louisa?

That was two nannies

ago, silly.

- Yeah.

- Daddy, I'm George Washington.

- Okay.

- Tickle me.

No, I understand that,

Dan, because the bastard's selling low.

- Please!

- Grayer, come on, buddy.

Cut it out, sit down.

- Yes yes, we're coming.

- No, it's just my kid.

- We're coming.

- Right.

- Well no, that's what I was thinking...

- You want me to call...

Where's my card! Daddy!

- Your what?

Where's my card!

Oh, I wanna go home!

Hey, smile, Grove.

We're gonna go to a party.

That's not my card.

Where's my card?

Would you get off that phone

and tell the nanny to

give him his damn card?

Nanny?

Turn the car around.

- Talk to the nanny, please.

- Nanny, go back and get the card.

Hold the elevator!

I'm sorry.

It's okay, don't be.

At least I'm fully dressed this time.

So...

I'm so sorry.

It's not funny.

I don't mean to be laughing.

You look very

patriotic.

- Yeah.

- Let me hit your floor.

Oh, that's okay.

I got it.

Didn't grow up with the staff

doing everything for me,

- so...

- Neither did I.

Really? You must have had

it really rough then.

Okay, well, I'm glad

to give you a good laugh.

My husband and I are

taking our second honeymoon

in Provence.

When I dance they

call me Macarena

And the boys,

they say that I'm buena

They all want me,

they can't have me

So they all come

and dance beside me

Move with me,

jam with me...

I'm looking for Mr. X.

Have you seen him?

No, sorry.

Wouldn't know him if I did.

Macarena,

hey, Macarena...

Grove, come on. What is wrong?

Why won't you shake your booty?

'Cause I have to

make a doodie.

Oh.

Come on.

Hey, Grover, I think

the bathroom's the other way.

- My daddy has one in his office.

- Yeah?

- I wanna go to my daddy's bathroom.

- Okay.

- Oh.

- Why is Daddy tickling that lady?

I'm sorry.

Grayer just had to use

the bathroom.

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