The Nanny Diaries Page #5

So use it already.

Hello, Grayer.

Remember me?

I work with your daddy

in the Chicago office.

Let go.

I have to make a doodie.

Oh.

So, you must

be the nanny.

Uh, yes, I...

I'll get out of your...

I'll wait in the hall.

So sorry.

Grayer, hurry up.

Your mom's coming.

Sweetie, did Grayer hear

from the waiting-list committee yet?

No, why?

Oh, I'm sure it

doesn't mean anything,

but the Bairds did

and Darwin got in.

Please don't say anything about

Collegiate or Darwin to my husband.

Sure.

- Oh, hi, pumpkin.

- There you are.

Oh, you've met before

in Chicago, right?

- Yes, hello.

- Lovely to see you.

- Nice to see you as well.

- Excuse me. Thanks again.

- Mm-hm.

- Where have you been?

Making calls.

Where's the chow?

- The entire time?

- Yeah.

Male monogamy remains an elusive,

yet much

mythologized practice

throughout the world.

In many Bedouin tribes,

powerful men are encouraged

to take multiple wives.

In contemporary France,

mistresses are de rigueur

and quietly tolerated.

But for the women

of the Upper East Side,

adultery is

pathologically ignored.

Nobody warned me we were going

to have a therapy session.

It's just that I didn't

see you at all at the party.

Well, I was trying to

sneak in a little work.

Okay? Forgive me

for making a living.

But everybody else

was participating.

Everybody else doesn't pull

down what I do every year.

I had my family there

and I was present and accounted for.

So now, you know, I would really

appreciate a moment of peace and quiet.

'Cause frankly,

I'm exhausted.

Bonjour, Pierre.

Bonjour.

Comment allez-vous?

Bien, merci.

Et vous?

Ah, comme ci comme ça.

Okay, I got

a great idea.

Let's pretend that

we're in a cave.

You know what, Nanny?

What, Grove?

I love you best.

The other nannies

had warned me about this very moment,

the moment when you'll

be tempted to break

the cardinal rule

of nannydom.

And yet, staring into those big,

sad, searching eyes,

I simply couldn't resist.

I love you too, Grove.

Three little words made leaving

this job 1,000 times harder.

...hear a thing I have to say!

I know that you work hard.

I just think

that if... if we're

gonna have more children...

Well, maybe you should

focus on the one you already have.

'Cause you can barely

handle him as it is.

Why are you

so cruel to me?

- Why?

- Why are you so cruel?

Because I cannot take

the additional pressure.

You know something? I think that

I am going to go out to Chicago

- until this merger is finished.

- Will you stop it, please?

And I certainly hope that

you're in a better mood...

- Please, stop it.

...when I come back. All right?

If I come back!

Nanny, this is yours,

is it not?

Uh... no, l...

no, I don't know

what that is.

It was in our laundry.

It is not mine,

it is not Mr. X's,

so it has to be yours,

right?

Right?

Yes, it's mine.

Please don't leave your personal items

lying around the house again.

l... I won't.

- I promise. I'm sorry.

- Apology accepted.

I don't mean...

to be a control freak.

It's... it's just that when Mr. X

is in the middle of a big deal,

it can be very hard on me.

I understand.

How is Grayer doing?

Grayer?

He's... he's fine.

He's great.

That's good to hear.

He really is

a wonderful child, isn't he?

He's the best.

He's...

he's such a sweet...

Okay, good night then.

Dear Nanny, I know it's Sunday

and you requested

a day off,

but I desperately need

to sleep in.

I have a very long

afternoon today

tasting caterers

for our benefit,

"Conga for the Congo."

Please don't wake me

unless Mr. X calls

from Chicago.

And most importantly,

find a way to

keep the boy quiet.

Why don't they just

muzzle the kid already?

What's a muzzle?

Scrambled for you

and Cheerios for the boy.

Mommy doesn't allow me

to eat sugar cereal.

Cheerios are sugar-free.

Low in sugar isn't

the same as sugar-free.

Grover, just eat it.

Is that caffeinated?

Mommy doesn't

use caffeine.

That's because Mommy

sleeps till noon.

Perhaps it might be a nice morning

to do something

educational with Grayer,

like the Pissarro show

at the Guggenheim.

Mommy said you're supposed to take

me to her favorite museum,

the "Guggyheiny."

Well, since today was

supposed to be my day off,

we're gonna go to my favorite,

the Museum of Natural History.

- Isn't that on the West Side?

- Yeah, so?

I'm not allowed to go on the West Side.

That's a rule.

Well, today just happens to

be break-the-rules day.

Oh.

Hi.

Two please.

Hey, you know what

the biggest word in America is?

What?

Anti...

antidisestablishmentarianism.

Hey, that's pretty good,

Grove.

Actually, I know

a longer word.

- There is no longer word.

- Yes, there is.

Supercalifragilistic-

expialidocious.

Wow.

What does that mean?

Come on inside.

Let me show you.

"The apatosaurus, formerly

known as the brontosaurus,

is from a family of

enormous herbivores."

Herbivores means

vegetarian.

Like Mommy,

you know?

What's that over there?

That is the T-rex.

- Is that one like Mommy too?

- Hmm.

I wish my ancestors

made totem poles.

Well, they did.

That one looks just like you.

It does.

Well, that guy has

a big...

It's hanging.

Cool.

What are they?

They're a Matis

family.

They live in

the Amazon.

Which one's the nanny?

She has the day off. Things are

different in that part of the world.

And Nanny, one last thing

before you take

the rest of the day off:

Do you think you could

manage a quick shop for me?

- I'll help.

- No, it's okay, Grayer.

Don't.

Grayer, don't... don't!

God!

Mommy!

What a mess.

Really, Nanny, I don't know

why you didn't leave all this

downstairs with Manuel

to store.

I mean, am I supposed to have this lying

around the apartment till the benefit?

No no no, of course not. l... I'm gonna

bring it down to him right now.

There's no time now.

I need you to get ready for the Nanny

Conflict Resolution Seminar

at the Parents' Society.

I totally forgot

it was this evening.

Um...

Mrs. X, I...

don't know

if you remember,

but l... I was supposed

to have the evening off.

And I made plans.

The entire point of

the seminar

is that everybody

brings their nanny.

Are you suggesting

I attend it alone?

Huh-uh. No.

I was just...

I was confused.

So, I will

cancel my plans.

I'd appreciate it.

Does anyone have

an extra diaper I can use?

Stop eating them boogers!

Grayer, no nudity.

Please.

Of course you feel anxiety

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