The Nanny Diaries Page #6

when leaving

your kids with strangers.

You're moms.

Okay...

now what I would

love to do

is bring in

the nannies.

Linda, Gillian, would you

mind monitoring the children

so that the nannies can

join us in here?

Okay, listen, I want to see

you all here next week.

The seminar is called

"Sexy Mom, Happy Mom."

It's gonna be

a hot one.

Nannies, we're ready.

Right this way, ladies.

All right, here they are...

the nannies!

Wonderful. Come on in.

Just... just file against this wall.

Just squeeze in.

But... but be comfortable.

Terrific.

Now that we're all together,

I think it's time to address

the reason for this seminar:

improving nanny-mom

communication.

To begin, I would like

a mom volunteer

to offer the group

one particular example

of failed communication

with your nanny.

Most of them

barely speak English.

- That's the problem.

- Okay, you.

My nanny keeps on singing

religious songs to Parker

even though I have told her

time and time again that we're agnostic.

And what's worse,

every time I confront her

she flatly denies it,

even after I provided her

with evidence

from the Nanny Cam.

Nanny Cam?

I thought that was an urban myth.

That's my nanny over there.

Will you please ask her

if she's trying to convert my child?

No. Right now we're

just hearing issues.

Okay. Next I would like

to hear from a nanny.

Can I have a nanny

volunteer?

Anyone?

Por favor?

Come on,

don't be shy.

We won't bite.

Okay, how about you,

young lady?

- Me?

- Yeah, you.

Can you share with the group

one particular grievance

that you might have

about your job?

Come on.

No no, l-l...

I love my job.

I do. I feel...

I feel kinda lucky.

Oh, that's very nice,

but neither helpful

nor productive.

So can you please offer

the class something useful? Come on.

- Well...

- Yeah?

It would be nice to

have a night off, I guess.

Uh-huh.

We... we have been a little

preoccupied with our benefit.

But all she has to do

is ask.

Uh-huh-huh-huh.

See, ladies?

Conflict resolved.

- I'm taking him.

- Oh no, I can take him.

- No, it's all right.

- No, I can... I can take him.

Nanny, please.

I want you to go out.

It's only 9:
00.

You clearly wanted the evening off.

No... no, you must be

exhausted, let me put him to bed.

We'll manage fine.

Here.

Have a blast.

I just don't understand it.

l... I just don't understand

how someone can have everything

and still be...

so miserable.

Anyway...

remember I was telling you

I went to this orientation mixer thingy?

I met this guy who

likes the same exact...

It's like she dumps all of her problems

with her husband onto me.

It's called denial.

Okay, like the river.

And you obviously have

become her enabler.

What? What the hell

is that supposed to mean?

It means, can you stop talking about

this woman for five minutes please?

Well, I'm sorry I'm boring you, Lynette,

but this is my life right now.

I have a life too,

in case you haven't noticed.

And I'm starting to think

you and that lady

are kindred spirits.

You know what? NYU should give you

your diploma right now.

- You've got all the answers.

- Okay okay.

Okay, let's forget that...

forget that.

Can we at least try

to have a good time?

Since you did drag me

above 14th Street.

Mmh.

Come on, Annie.

This place,

you have to admit,

it's...

hmm, tired.

Look at these guys

over there.

They don't have

any piercings,

no tattoos.

I mean...

Oh my God.

- We have to go right now.

- Wha... why?

- Wait a minute.

- The guy I told you about is here.

Harvard Hottie?

- Mmm.

- Which one? Which one, where?

Yankees cap, blue shirt,

blue blood.

Mmm.

He is gorgeous.

Yeah, okay, let's go.

No no no, are you out of your mind?

You kidding me?

No, I'm out of

my league, okay?

Let's go.

Oops.

What the hell

are you doing?

Oh my God, I know that girl.

Annie!

Annie!

Come on, have a drink

with him already.

I told you, I can't

date on the job.

Are you gonna use this job as an excuse

for everything or what?

Say hello

to the nice fella.

- Hey.

- Guys, this is Annie.

I don't know your name.

I'm sorry.

- Oh, Lynette.

- Hi, how are you? Nice to meet you.

Some buddies from high school...

this is Carter, Jojo,

- John, Kenny, Reggie.

- Hello.

- Nice to meet you.

- Sit, grab a chair.

- Oh no, we can't.

- We'd love to.

Yeah.

So, girls, tell us,

how do you know our boy here?

Oh, I really don't know him.

He's Annie's friend.

I know him from work.

Oh yeah?

What kind of work do you do?

Model?

- Stewardess?

- Escort?

She works for someone

in my building.

Oh.

Actually, I'm a nanny.

A nanny?

Dude!

You didn't tell us

you knew a nanny.

That is so porno.

- Are the moms hot?

- Guys.

- Are you hot for the dads?

- Are the dads hot for you?

- Hey, come on.

- You want to know about the dads?

I'll tell you about

the dads.

They're chubby, bald,

steak-eating,

cigar-smoking,

type-A pigs

who get more turned on by the Bloomberg

Wire than they do by any hot nannies.

Actually, it's all of you

in about five years.

Enjoy tonight,

because your future looks

pretty f***ing bleak.

- Wait.

- God!

Stupid stupid.

You have two new messages.

Hey, Annie, it's me,

the... the big jerk

from the bar.

- What?

- Listen...

in case you're wondering,

your friend Lynette

- gave me your home number.

- Ex-friend.

I obviously owe you

a major apology.

Please just don't judge me

by my loser friends.

- Mm-hm.

- They were pretty hammered.

Anyway, I want you to

give me an opportunity

to redeem myself

by taking you out.

And I'm warning you,

I won't take no for an answer.

I know where you live, so I'll camp out

at your door if I have to.

You really might as well

just get this over with.

And if you really hate me

after that...

I'll... I'll never

ask you again.

Okay, I'm sorry to ramble.

If I don't hear from you,

I'll ride the elevator

till I find you.

Bye.

I am so screwed.

Annie, it's your mother.

Look, I'm sorry that I didn't

call last night, okay?

I had a really late night.

But about tonight...

Okay, you know what?

I don't want to hear it. I'm coming.

- I am coming.

- All right, fine.

Fine... okay, let me...

let me just call you

after this play date, okay?

Play date?

What the hell is a play date?

- Oh sh*t.

- You said a curse!

Um, you know, Mom.

A play date...

it's the meeting of

preliminary investment schedules.

Look, I'll call you

later, okay?

All right. Bye.

Who lives here?

Some kid named Jefferson.

Your mom found him

with the Park Avenue play-date service.

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