The Naughty Nineties Page #3

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he might let me

sing in his show.

And that if I can act good enough, he'd

give me a chance in Uncle Tom's Cabin.

All right. But don't bother me,

please. Okay, Mr. Broadhurst.

All right.

My Bonnie

lies over the ocean

Try it to the left.

Yes, sir.

My Bonnie lies over...

Try it to the right.

Yes, sir.

My Bonnie lies over...

And lower it a little.

My Bonnie lies over...

Lower.

My Bonnie lies over...

Still not low enough.

My Bonnie...

Uh, get low enough

to touch the floor.

No.

My Bonnie...

No, no, no, no. You better

try it a little higher.

Go ahead.

My Bonnie...

Higher.

My Bonnie lies...

Higher.!

My Bonnie...

Higher.

My Bonnie lies over...

Wait a minute. Wait a

minute. Lift up the right leg.

That's it.

My Bonnie...

Now lift up

the left leg.

My Bonnie... Now pull up both legs.

My Bonnie... Uh, bring it forward a little.

Forward a little more.

My Bonnie lies...

Can you go forward one more foot? Yes, sir.

My Bo...

Can I come? All right, bud. Come along.

Children

are always welcome.

You wait here a minute,

dear. I'll be back soon.

Why, Captain Jackson,

how nice.

I do believe you've

come to welcome us.

What are you doing here,

Miss Farrel?

Don't you remember?

We're your partners.

What are you talking about?

Partners in what?

We're partners

in the River Queen, miss.

We own three-quarters

of your showboat.

That's impossible.

Have you forgotten?

You signed notes

for $15,000.

You were cutting up your boat into small

pieces, and gambling it away bit by bit.

Hey. Hey, Sebastian,

come here.

There's those

St. Louis gamblers.

Captain Sam

must be in trouble.

And it's up to you to keep them off

the boat. St. Louis gamblers, huh?

There they are. They may be

tough on their own territory.

But they're on my territory now. I'm

a pretty tough fellow. Now, don't...

I'm a bad hombre. I know,

but take it easy with 'em.

I'm gonna help Captain Sam. That a boy.

'Cause I'm true blue.

That a boy.

I'm afraid of nobody. I

know, but take it easy.

Don't get excited!

It's dead.

Captain, we'll make a very

reasonable business arrangement.

The River Queen wouldn't be the

same without Captain Jackson.

We won't make any changes.

Except to add a couple of rooms

where your customers can gamble,

if they insist.

I can't let you run your

crooked gambling on my showboat.

I've operated honestly, given

good, clean shows for 20 years.

Don't get excited. All you have to do

is pay us $ 15,000, and then we'll leave.

Meanwhile, we'll disturb you

as little as possible.

Well, if we're all going to

be shipmates, let's enjoy it.

See you on board.

Please, you can't

take over our showboat.

The River Queen isn't just a piece

of property to be won or lost.

It's unfortunate,

but it's the luck of the cards.

We'll pay you back

everything Captain Sam owes.

With interest. We'll send

it to you in St. Louis.

I'm sorry, Miss Jackson, but I don't think

Miss Farrel would be swayed by sentiment.

But couldn't you

do something?

Why should I?

Hold it right there,

and listen to what I got to say.

He who harms a board on this

old deck, dies like a dog.

And pass the word along!

Ha-ha!

- You're talkin' to

Dead-Eye Sebastian.

You see those

chicken hawks up there?

Watch this, brother.

Ew!

Right between the eyes.

Wait till you see this next

shot. This one will be a lulu.

Two shots.

Three birds.

Here we go again.

You missed.

Went around a corner

after that one. Watch this.

Scared the feathers

off of that one, didn't I?

Now listen, I've had enough

out of you two.

Now get off the boat, because the boat

ain't big enough for the two of us!

Well?

So I'll get off.

Come here!

From now on,

keep outta my way!

Why, you!

If I had my guns here...

I've been robbed.

I know I...

Oh. Why, you...

Let me tell you somethin'.

If I only had more bullets in these

guns, I'd scare the pants right off him.

I made a fine mess of things.

And the worst part of it is...

my friends have to pay

for my folly.

Look at 'em come, laughing and

happy that the River Queen's in town.

They're walking

right into a trap.

Isn't there some way

we can warn them?

No. Miss Farrel would take over the

River Queen and operate it herself.

We're not licked. As long

as we own a part of the boat,

we've got a good chance

to get them out.

Nora Malone, call me by phone

Number 1234-Main

Don't forget the number

while you slumber

Open your eyes, when you arise

you'll hear the blarney

Of your Barney Carney

from Killarney

Colleens are few

There's none like you

In the old town of Athone

Musha, wurra, wurra, wurra

Old Erin's isle

could not make me smile

Without Nora Malone

Mr. Sebastian, would you hand me one

of those pot holders, please, sir?

Okay.

Here you are, Sam.

This one broke open. The feathers is

comin' out. I'll get you another one.

Yes, sir.

Put it right here.

Pick it up, pick it up!

That's hot!

Excuse me, sir.

Burny, burny.

Ever since them gamblers

took over the River Queen,

we ain't been doin' nothin'

but serving 'em drinks...

and then serving 'em coffee

to sober 'em up.

Mr. Sebastian, you better

hurry up with that cake...

'cause they'll be callin'

for it 'most any time now.

Right. Right.

Ooh! Twenty past!

I'm gonna get late.

Shh. Shhhh!

Coffee, gentlemen?

Have some. I baked it myself

with my own little white hands.

Come on.

We're making a new deal this

time, fellows. Let's play it.

Good.

All set. Coming up for

a new deal this time.

This they gotta like.

Made it myself.

- Shoot five!

- Faded!

What are you crying about?

I'm not crying.

It's a gala night. People in the

gambling room are having a wonderful time.

They look the same when

they've been drinking too much.

Only tomorrow morning, they'll

have much worse than a headache.

Nobody asks them to gamble. We just set

up the tables, and they fight for seats.

They crowd in

to give us their money.

Because they think anything about

the River Queen is fair and honest.

Even gambling. I think the three

of you are nothing but river rats.

Take me out

to the ball game

Take me out

with the crowds

Buy me some peanuts... Peanuts!

Popcorn! Peanuts! Popcorn!

CrackerJacks!

CrackerJacks!

Get your packages of

CrackerJacks here! CrackerJacks!

Will you keep quiet,

Sebastian! Excuse me, please.

Sebastian, please,

don't interrupt my act.

Sebastian!

I didn't see the lights.

I forgot about 'em.

What are you doing?

Why interrupt my act?

Look, Mr. Broadhurst,

if you're in a ball park,

they always sell

peanuts and popcorn.

I know that, but not in front of...

I beg your pardon, please.

Ladies and gentlemen, will you

excuse me for a minute, please?

What do you wanna do?

Look, Mr. Broadhurst...

What are you doing?

I love baseball.

We all love baseball. Will you tell

me the guys' names on the team...

so when I see them in that St. Louis

ball park, I'll know those fellows?

Well, now... Is it all

right, folks? All right.

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