The Navigators Page #8

Productivity, my arse, Tom!

Gerry, it's about being efficient!

Efficient? F***ing efficient!

You and your f***ing clock!

I'll f***ing shove it up your f***ing arse, mate,

you f***ing knobhead!

- Hey!

- D'you know why he's f***ing management?

Because you were f***ing useless on t'tracks !

- Hang on a minute, hang on!

- F***ing tosser!

Mick. Whoa, Mick.

Well, that's f***ing charming, innit(?)

- F***ing charming. You do your best for them...

- Hang on, hang on. Look, hey, hey.

- Does this mean everybodys going, or what?

- Yes. Everybody.

Oh, shite.

Jesus Christ! I've just bought

a new f***ing mop and bucket!

F***ing hellfire.

Brand f***ing new, as well.

- (Sighs )

- Have to get a f***ing refund on it.

Aye. Me and you, lad.

...you know, travel

and do different, er... Ievels of work.

Well, I don't mind doing that

but I'd rather, you know, I'd rather do...

Yeah, well, we'll make that as priority.

You know, I'll just put that on your form.

What else d'you get, apart from that?

- I don't understand. What... What d'you mean?

- Well, what else d'you get apart from your pay?

You know, like, er, holiday money,

travelling expenses, allowance for work gear.

Er, well you get a contract setting out your pay.

And the hours of work,

you know, when we've got the work for you.

- Yeah.

- Er, but that's it. No holidays .

- No?

- And you have to provide your own work gear.

What about sick pay?

No. Then again, if you can't work,

then we don't pay you. It's as simple as that.

It's like if you want to go on holiday.

You're not available for work.

- So you don't get paid for that, either.

- Aye.

Er, d'you have a Personal Track Safety card?

- Yeah.

- And a Lookout card. I need to look at those.

So have you got a lot on, then?

ls there a lot on right now?

No problem. Yeah.

Thank you. Are you a Sheffield Wednesday fan?

- Yeah.

- I'll not hold it against you.

- Er, that's PTS and that's, er, Lookout card.

- Yeah. Right, just need to write these down.

(Clears his throat)

Now, these have only got a few months

left to run.

Um,... now when they do expire,

we can get you on the courses .

- Yeah.

- And that's just for P200 each. Each course.

- What, I have to pay that?

- Yeah.

So you're a non-smoker.

So, a non-smoking environment. Fine.

Allergic to house dust.

Yeah. Yeah. I... I start sneezing

if I do any dusting.

- Is it a problem?

- No, I don't think you'll be dusting in this job.

I generally wear an 'andkerchief over my face

when I'm cleaning the house, but...

- And Elastoplast. Allergic to Elastoplast.

- Yeah, it brings me out in a rash.

- And you recycle plastic cartons .

- Yeah. Don't you?

- No.

- Why? It's important, isn't it?

And kit... kitchen waste all goes on t'beans .

And you were in the Scouts for eight years .

As a sixer.

Yeah.

Well, I thought that would show, um,...

Ieadership potential, cqualities, you know.

- But you don't like doing overtime?

- No. Well...

Er, I've done it. I don't like getting paid for it,

cos... I don't think it's fair, really,

when there's people on the dole.

Well, that could be useful.

- 'Ey up, Mick.

- All right, Stu?

I'm in t'right place, then?

- All right, Phil? What we doin'?

- Replacing rotten sleepers .

- All right, Don.

- Hundred yard a day.

- How many?

- Hundred yard a day.

- Bloody hell!

- Picked a right day for it, an' all.

- What, just us four?

- No. There's another six coming.

- Is there?

- Aye, looks like they're here now.

Well, I'll go and get me gear on, then.

(Estuary accent)

All right, mate? ls, er, this Belmont?

Yeah.

- Where's the other four?

- No, there's only us .

We was told to report 'ere.

- We were expecting six on ya.

- Aye.

- Railway job, innit?

- Yeah.

- Make a change, won't it?

- Yeah, well, we'll be all right.

- What, have you not done railway work before?

- No.

Er, no, we done a job near an underground

station once, laying paving slabs .

- Doing what?

- Laying paving slabs .

- F***ing 'ell!

- What's wrong with that? It's bloody hard work.

No, no, we're not getting at you lads .

Big day's grafting.

OK, lads? No time to waste.

- You said there were gonna be ten of us .

- Yeah, the agency's let me down on that one.

So, er, sorry about that, lads .

But the sooner we crack on, eh?

- It'll be hard graft, this .

- While we're at it, I'd better check your cards .

We can't be swap ping sleepers

with half a dozen lads .

Fine. OK, mate.

Come on, lads .

Right, they're all in order.

- Where's your vest, lads ?

- Ain't got none.

- Eh?

- Anyone got any s pares ?

- Probably got a couple in front of there, aye.

- Sort them out, will you?

Can you go and grab them, Phil?

You have to keep 'em on all t'time, an' all.

- They're builders, you know that?

- Eh?

- They're builders .

- Ah, it's a simple job. Soon crack it out.

(Train horn)

So how'd you get this job, then, lads ?

A geezer in a pub. Gets a lot of it.

60 cquid a day.

- 60?

- Well, we chip ped in 1 7 cquid each for petrol

and a fiver for them cards .

- What, you bought 'em?

- Yeah.

So you come up all this way from London

just for this job?

No, from Essex, mate. Three hours

to get here. Same going back tomorrow.

Bloody hell! So, a 3-hour drive, 1 2-hour shift.

1 5 hours today, same again tomorrow.

For what? 1 9 cquid a day?

- It's cash in the hand.

- You're fiddling, aren't ya?

You're saying that, mate.

I ain't telling you nothing.

Come on, lads .

Right, all we gotta do,...

shift these sleepers over that side.

If you all get round it, we'll shift it in no time.

- Hang on a minute.

- What's up ?

Well, there's only six of us, in't there?

Hey up, mate. Come and give us a hand

with these sleepers, will ya?

- What, now?

- Yeah, come on.

Shift it in no time.

Anyway, you need eight men to lift a sleeper.

- Are you trying to tell me my job or something?

- And besides, that road's working.

- You can't lift a sleeper over a live rail, can ya?

- No.

I'll go keep a lookout, all right? You get it shifted.

And... And you need signalman's permission.

- What if we drop it and fetch a train off?

- Oh, f*** the signalman.

You could have had it there by now,

couldn't you? Now get it shifted! F***'s sake!

- Come on, mate, we'll get it over in two minutes .

- Yeah, but he's cutting corners, i'n't he?

I know, but he'll be cutting wages

if we don't crack on. That's how it is now, Mick.

- Don. Don! You know I'm right, don't ya?

- Oh, you're definitely right, Mick.

- Come on, Mick. Two minutes .

- Nay, I'm not doing it.

- Right, it's all clear.

- Hang on, have a minute, lads .

Straight across, mate.

- What is your problem?

- Well, we're not doing it properly, are we?

- And how d'you know what's proper?

- How do I know what's f***ing proper?

I'll tell you, shall l? See me, Stuart, Don and

Phil? We've been doing this for years, mate.

- Not like thee and this couple of cowboys .

- Who are you calling a cowboy?

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