The Nice Guys Page #2

to find her niece on Tuesday.

You just gave up your client.

I made a discretionary revelation.

No. No, you just gave her up.

I asked you one

simple question. (EXCLAIMS)

You gave me all the information.

I thought that's what you wanted.

What?

(GROANING)

Now, I'm very sorry that

you didn't get the message.

Me, too. (SNIFFS) But I get it now.

(CLEARS THROAT) I get it. I dig it.

Sh*t! (GRUNTING)

What about now?

You get the message now?

-Yep.

-Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm cool.

All right. Give me your left arm.

Huh?

Your left arm.

Give me your left arm. This one.

-No!

-Yeah, come on.

No!

Get... No!

-Did you cut yourself?

-I'm dealing with an injury.

Right, look, when you're

talking to your doctor,

just tell him you have

a spiral fracture of the left radius.

No! No.

-Deep breath.

-No!

-(BONE CRACKS)

-(SHRIEKING)

Do you mind if I have an apple?

(GROANS)

All right, Mr March.

You have a good day, okay?

(GRUNTING)

-Hi.

-Hey.

-Want a Yoo-hoo?

-A Yoo-hoo? Are you kidding?

Oh, yeah.

You know, I haven't had one

of these in about 30 years.

Are you a friend of my dad's?

Yeah, yeah. We're business associates.

He's inside resting.

Didn't I see you crawling round

a vacant lot a couple of blocks over?

Um, maybe. I read there sometimes.

Right.

"It's me-he for Yoo-hoo!" Thanks again.

Bye.

(INDISTINCT TALKING)

STAND-UP COMIC:
Because the gas prices

are up 16 cents a gallon,

uh, the US now

is looking into alternative fuels.

There's a process where you can

put corn in and gas comes out.

I'm no scientist,

but that's been my process

with corn for years.

(LAUGHTER)

MAN:
Hey.

JACKSON:
It's not a public area up here.

MAN:
Wow.

You got like an apartment up here?

If you're looking for the restroom,

back down the stairs.

(GUN C*CKS)

We're looking for Amelia.

(GRUNTS)

MRS GLENN:
I'm telling you,

I saw her, Mr March.

I didn't imagine it.

I saw my Misty alive.

Mrs Glenn, be reasonable.

This is a high-profile case.

Your niece is a very famous...

Actress,

and the head medical examiner

ID'd her himself.

I saw her through the front window.

You didn't.

Clear as day. She was wearing...

The pinstriped suit. I know.

Very specific.

She was writing something and then

she came out and she drove away

and this was two days

after the accident.

And I thought that you said

you found her.

Now, what was that bonus payment?

I never said I found her.

I said I was tracking

the girl that you saw

and that was probably

this young lady, Amelia.

-Why don't you believe me?

-Mrs Glenn, Misty's dead.

She died in that accident.

I never should have taken

your money in the first place.

I'm very sorry about that.

Even... No, even if this

Amelia girl isn't my niece,

she might know something.

Please, please, will you keep looking?

No.

Mr March...

(MRS GLENN CLEARS THROAT)

(CAR DOOR CREAKS)

Can I ask you a question?

Tell me the truth.

And don't take it easy on me

just 'cause I'm your father.

You just tell it to me straight.

-Am I a bad person?

-Yes.

(SCOFFS)

Just drive.

(ENGINE STARTS)

MAN:
I'm gonna ask you again.

Where is Amelia?

I would like to help you,

but I just don't know

anybody called Amelia.

Oh. Okay. (GRUNTS)

You don't talk,

I'm gonna have to start

breaking your fingers. (LAUGHING)

You understand?

Yes, I understand.

Hey, hotshot, come on in here.

I found something hidden in the cabinet.

Really?

(MAN SCOFFS)

Watch him.

Oh, no. (GROANS)

Hey, don't open that

because that's not mine.

It belongs to a friend.

I just, uh... I look after it for him.

But it's one of those bags.

-If you try to open it...

-(EXPLODES)

MAN:
Oh, f***! F***!

JACKSON:
Sh*t!

(GROANING) Motherf***er!

Motherf***er!

-I can't see nothing.

-Yeah.

Oh, God. What the f***?

Okay. Oh, yeah.

(CLEARS THROAT) You know

that colour doesn't come off, right?

(SPITS)

I tried to tell you.

You tried to tell me? (CHUCKLES)

-F*** you!

-Hey, hey. Oh, no! Hey!

Not the fish. Come on.

Hey, can you ask this guy

to behave like a professional?

You know, kid,

when I get that gun off you,

it's gonna be your dinner.

Dinner? (LAUGHING)

It's f***ing...

You're funny. You're funny.

Don't... Don't...

Come on, fish.

You want some f***ing dinner?

Do you want some dinner?

Why are you doing this?

This is not gonna help you.

-There you go.

-Now, come on.

You're gonna eat that thing,

you f***ing f***!

Look, you gotta stop

and think about this,

all right?

When you came here tonight,

was this what you wanted to happen?

What, you came here

to make me eat fish?

To shoot me?

Look, if you come in here,

you beat up on me,

you trash the place,

I understand, I get it,

it's part of the job.

I accept it, all right?

But what did you do?

You did something different

from that, didn't you? Right?

You pissed me off.

You made an enemy.

Now, even if I knew something,

I wouldn't tell you, kid.

And you know why I wouldn't tell you?

And this is...

It's not my only reason,

but it is a principle reason.

You know, I wouldn't tell you

'cause you're a f***ing moron.

-(TV PLAYING)

-What the...

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

You stupid son of a b*tch.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

GIRL 1:
Six. I'm a six.

GIRL 2:
I'm a seven!

-Six.

-Seven!

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Jesus Christ! One at a time!

You took the Lord's name in vain.

No, I didn't, Janet.

I found it very useful, actually.

Okay, Janet?

(GIRLS GIGGLING)

GIRL 3:
Birthday girl!

(ALL SCREAMING)

(DOOR OPENS)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

March. Jack Healy.

Don't get upset.

I'm not here to hurt you.

I just wanna ask you a question.

-Hey, no.

-How stupid do you think I am?

I got a licence to carry, motherf***er.

Ever since your little visit the other day,

this little baby's gonna stay right here.

F***, f***.

Look away.

Look...

You know there's a mirror here, right?

Close your eyes.

F***ing damn it. Forget it.

You know what? Turn around.

-Can I open my eyes?

-Yeah, open your eyes.

What do you want?

I want you to find Amelia.

-(BOWLING PINS CLATTER)

-(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

So you think these guys

are gonna hurt Amelia?

Sure, after they're done killing her.

You know, I asked around about you.

There's a couple of people I trust

say you're pretty good at this.

Well, that's surprising.

I would have thought

your job ended with breaking

my f***ing arm.

(CHUCKLES) Well, you know,

technically it did.

I'm off the clock.

-This is a separate situation.

-(CLICKS TONGUE)

I'm not buying this nice guy act, pal.

She owes you money, doesn't she?

-You're coming to collect?

-(SIGHING)

You want me to finger her

so you can throw acid

in her face? Well, no.

No, she paid me up front,

actually, you know.

What it is, for me,

is I like where I live

and I don't wanna move.

So, two days in advance.

$400.

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

Plus whatever the old lady's giving you.

Old lady? F*** you, old lady.

You broke my arm. I quit, remember?

So call her up, get back on the case.

Rate this script:3.7 / 3 votes