The Night Before Page #3

and hang with him all night!

I'd love to smoke weed with Tommy Owens.

See? He wants to

smoke with Tommy, right?

Okay. Okay.

Where do we get some weed from?

We could call Mr. Green.

Why are we outside our high school again?

Because he's a f***ing drug-dealer

and he's suspicious...

and he doesn't meet you

unless he's met you there before.

So it's either our old high school

or this guy's mom's house.

That's not happening.

I know. So it's here.

Sh*t. Is that you?

It's not mine.

- No.

- Oh, sh*t.

That was there before.

Do they even make payphones anymore?

Don't touch it.

People wipe their butts on those.

This is how you gotta talk to him.

Don't pick up!

Hello! 1998 speaking.

That's gross.

Yeah, I see you. Okay. Thanks.

He's right there.

Go ahead. Go get the weed.

I'm not going. You're going.

- Just get it. Come on, don't be a baby.

- It's your weed!

Sh*t.

Is it just me?

He's changed a little bit, right?

Yeah, he seems like

he's excited about his fame.

I think it's our job to sort of

just keep him in check.

Sometimes, you think it's easy

to tell your friend something...

and it's actually hard

to tell them that thing...

once you're confronted

with the actual moment...

that you would maybe tell them that thing.

You know what I mean?

Mr. Green! What's up, man?

Good evening.

How you doing?

It's good to see you.

I'm glad you open on Christmas.

A lot of people need me

on Christmas, you know.

It's a tough holiday.

I know you.

Yeah.

You used to sell weed to me and

my friends when we were in high school.

Yeah, that's crazy.

So, what do you want?

Your best sh*t, man.

That chronic, that drow, that....

Yeah, yeah. Some of that.

It's good to see you kids

still hanging out and smoking up.

Makes me proud.

Thanks, man. We're just kind of trying

to keep the dream alive, you know?

But this is not for us.

This is for a good friend of mine.

Tommy Owens. Quarterback.

The Messiah.

You know what?

As far as I'm concerned...

there's only one Messiah.

Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

So that name's a little blasphemous.

Yeah.

The Weed of Christmas Present.

I'm an athlete, so drug-free body.

Drug-free zone. No smoking.

You buying that for somebody

and you're not gonna test it?

That could be oregano.

- Orega-what?

- Oregano.

So....

Something special supposed to happen?

It just did.

You're in the present.

Maybe I'm high or something, man.

Or maybe you're in the present.

The Weed of Christmas Present.

Well, with that logic, isn't all weed

the weed of Christmas present?

Only on Christmas, kid.

Anyway, that'll be a hundred bucks.

All right. I'll get your hundreds.

If you guys ain't doing nothing later,

you should stop by this party I'm throwing.

It's a hell of a bash.

You serious?

It's not in my car.

It's a real party.

We already got invited to something.

Sorry. But thank you for the invite.

That's no problem.

My feelings aren't hurt. Not really.

Tell Isaac,

"I'll see you in a couple hours."

What?

Tell Isaac I'll see him in a couple hours.

How did he get so good all of a sudden?

I don't know.

Here we go. Here we go.

That sh*t was the weirdest

f***ing experience of my life, dude.

- Really?

- But I got the weed.

Come on, let's go

tear this f***ing karaoke down.

Let them b*tches know

the Ice Crew in the building!

Let's do it, baby.

- Did you practice the moves?

- Oh, I've been practicing.

Hey!

Happy feet, happy feet.

Show them, huh!

Got my prenup.

I think the 'shrooms are kicking in.

Yo, what's up? We're the Ice Crew!

We just got one thing to say!

Drink some damn Red Bull. Hell, yeah!

It's happening.

- You feel good?

- Yeah.

Ethan, it's Diana!

- Hi.

- What's up?

Chris, I wanna say hi to you,

but you're surrounded by fans!

I know. It's crazy! Say hey to Ethan!

He looks really great!

Let's go outside and Instagram.

My social media game is on point!

- That guy's really famous now.

- Yeah.

Super famous.

So good seeing you guys!

Merry Christmas.

What are you guys doing here?

It's the only karaoke place

that's open on Christmas.

Yeah, it's our tradition.

I should've remembered

that you guys come here.

But Run-DMC,

I got to see it! Finally.

- You liked it?

- It was awesome.

This is what you guys missed.

She did Miley Cyrus.

She destroyed Wrecking Ball.

It was amazing.

- You still like that song.

- Everybody does.

You can cry to it. You can run to it.

You can party to it.

- Timeless!

- What are you guys doing?

We're having a really fun night, actually.

We're kind of going not too hard,

but pretty hard.

We're kind of just....

It's our last night doing the Christmas!

- End of an era.

- Last year.

But it's been really fun, though.

Of course.

Betsy's giving birth in a month.

She's having a baby, yeah.

We're gonna miss her at the office.

But she said that you've been

doing a very good job.

That you're so prepared.

You've read every single book

on being a dad since books were created.

I would be losing my sh*t right now.

That you're prepared,

like over-prepared.

He's solid. He's got the stats.

A lot of men in your position

f***ing freak out.

- They just leave.

- And they take off.

- It's an epidemic.

- It's true. Are you guys....

What the f***! Are you guys okay?

Are you okay?

These lights in here

f***ing with you guys? Like a lot.

Not really.

I think moving around maybe

from the dancing.

- Yeah.

- I'm gonna call Betsy. I'll be right back.

It's good to see you. I'll be....

Give her a call.

You guys have a nice connection.

Yeah, he's a sweetheart.

- I'm gonna go to the bar, get more to drink.

- No, no, no!

- Nice to see you.

- Merry Christmas.

You look good.

Hi.

Hi.

Okay.

Come on.

The 'shrooms are turning.

You got a big night ahead of you.

Let's get something else going here.

Cocaine. That'll straighten me out.

Get in my brain. Make me feel different.

Yeah.

What's up, Messiah?

How you doing, White Jesus?

Yo, check it out. It's C-Rob, man.

So everything's good. I got you.

I got the sh*t. I got the weed.

I got the smoke.

You know what? I'm tripping.

I'mma just text you, all right?

What happened to peace?

Peace. C-Rob out.

Chris motherfucking Roberts!

Well, I'm not Julia Roberts.

But you are a pretty woman.

Oh, sh*t!

Dude, I am such a fan.

Meeting you here tonight...

this is enough to make Christmas

tolerable for me.

You don't like Christmas?

No. I f***ing hate Christmas.

Sorry to be like a Grinch. You're into it.

This is amazing.

As much as I hate Christmas,

that's how much I love you.

Sorry. I'm being too much.

I'm jizzing all over you.

I'm getting, like, jizzy. Sorry.

No, no, no. Jizz all over me.

I like that sh*t.

You probably wanna

go back to your friends.

F*** my friends.

Friends come and go...

but fans, that's forever.

- You're naughty.

- I'm very naughty.

I'm gonna teach you a Christmas lesson,

you naughty boy.

Okay.

The truth will set you free.

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