The Night Before Page #9

But, no, I just mean....

This has gotta be some kind of Christmas

miracle, because she talks about you...

and your song a lot.

And I love this girl. I'm starting to realize,

tonight, she's the love of my life.

And I wanted tonight to be sort of a

special night for me and her.

- Now you're here and....

- You want to propose tonight?

Oh, my God! That is so romantic.

That is the sweetest thing I've ever heard.

I mean, I was just thinking you could

like dedicate a song to her.

What? You gotta propose!

Come on! It's Christmas.

It's like, go big or go f***ing home!

I mean, you love this girl.

You say you love her, right?

Yeah. But I don't know

if tonight's the right time for...

Oh, God. Are you one of those guys

that are always making up excuses?

I f***ing hate those kind of guys.

No, Miley Cyrus,

I'm not one of those guys.

All right, then don't be a p*ssy!

You got to propose to her!

There's all this magic in the air,

people want to fall in love.

Okay. Okay!

Then I will!

This is a sign if I've ever seen a sign!

- It's gonna be f***ing awesome.

- I'm gonna propose!

Yeah, you're gonna propose!

And I'm gonna help you out.

We're gonna propose!

Oh, my God! We're gonna propose!

We're gonna propose! Okay!

Miley Cyrus, this is the nicest thing

that anyone's ever done for me!

You gotta stop calling me Miley Cyrus.

- What should I call you?

- Hannah.

Just kidding. I'm drunk.

Let's do this thing!

- What's up, man?

- Hey, Chris.

- Yeah, what up, boy?

- Hey, what's up, K?

Hey, Reverend Run, man.

It's your boy, Reverend Run.

What that supposed to mean?

Hey, Messiah.

Check this sh*t out, dude.

Oh, sh*t. Is that you?

The f*** is that?

Nah, it was a Make-A-Wish thing, man.

Those two kids have Crohn's disease.

It was their wish to do karaoke with me.

Man, damn dog,

you look just as white as they do.

- Yeah, which one are you?

- Look at that sweater!

I got you!

I got you! I got you!

Oh, man!

- Yeah!

- Yeah.

- You're a great dancer, man.

- Oh, thanks, dude.

Appreciate it. I'm pretty high

on Molly right now.

I'm high too. I'm high too.

- I am digging this beard.

- Thanks, man.

- Yo, carpet match the drapes?

- Yeah, I got a big bush.

My carpet matches my drapes.

Look at this guy!

He's furry all over!

Nice!

You need to get the f*** out of here.

You're being a huge cockblock.

I'm not being a cockblock.

- Yes, you are!

- What the f*** are you talking about?

I don't think I could block this guy's cock.

It'd take ten men to block that thing.

- Merry Christmas, New York City!

- Oh, no. Miley's here?

Miley Cyrus?

We clawed, we chained Our hearts in vain

We jumped

Never asking why

- This is great!

- This is so cool.

Where's Diana?

This is, like, our song.

A love no one could deny

All right, everybody,

give it up to my friend.

What the f*** is your name again?

- Ethan.

- Ethan!

Don't you ever say I just walked away

I will always want you

I forgot these words

Doesn't matter though

I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball

I never hit so hard in love

All I wanted was to break your walls

All you ever did was wreck me

Yeah, you

You wreck me

Yeah!

Diana....

Dude, can you move?

In the red. Move.

Yeah, thanks.

Diana...

listen, I know we're not really even

going out anymore...

and that's because I wouldn't commit.

- This is crazy.

- But I'm ready to commit. Hard.

I'm ready to commit

Hard like a wrecking ball.

You're the best thing

that's ever happened to me, girl.

You make me laugh. You're cool as hell.

You don't take any sh*t.

None of his sh*t

You're smarter than I am.

- You're probably better than I deserve.

- This is so romantic.

But go big or go home.

Right, Miley?

No, E.

Go big or go home

When I let you go,

that was just me f***ing up...

but I don't wanna ever let you go again.

Not now, not ever.

And definitely not on f***ing Christmas!

On f***ing Christmas

So this is it, Diana.

- Only live once, bro!

- Stop encouraging him, James.

Will you marry me?

Say yes. Yes.

- Yes.

- Yeah!

- F***!

- Yes!

I came in like a wrecking ball

I never hit so hard in love

All I wanted was to break your walls

All you ever did was wreck me

I came in like a wrecking ball

Okay, I gotta go find my friend real fast.

Excuse me.

Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung

Left me crashing in a blazing fall

I'm gonna be right back.

Y'all stay black.

- Hey.

- Yeah?

All this romance is getting me really hot.

You wanna go back to the hotel room?

Hey, I feel like you might be gay.

- Not right now, I'm not.

- Okay.

- All right.

- Okay.

Oh, my f***ing God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

This is the greatest night of our lives!

- That was crazy.

- That's so crazy, right?

Listen, I'm sorry about the ring.

I'll get you a ring, I promise.

We can do that tomorrow.

No, Ethan, I'm not going to marry you.

What do you mean?

We're not even together.

I haven't even spoken to you in,

like, three months!

Yes, I addressed that in the speech.

I know, and then you show up here

and you propose to me...

in front of hundreds and hundreds

of people.

That's crazy.

Wait, I'm sorry.

We're not getting married? This is a no?

No! It's a no! No!

I'm so sorry that you're clearly

going through a lot right now.

I'm sorry that your friends don't wanna

hang out with you on Christmas.

I understand that that's hard for you.

That is not a reason for you

to grab onto me like I'm your lifeline!

Why'd you say yes?

I said yes because

everybody was looking at me.

I said yes, because Miley clearly wanted

me to say yes!

And I didn't want Miley to think

that I hated love!

That's understandable.

I wouldn't want that either.

Okay, look, I....

I was really just trying to do what I

thought you wanted me to do...

and that's because I love you.

It's been three months, I haven't stopped.

I'm not gonna stop.

I'm not your answer...

right now, Ethan.

Wait, wait. No, no.

Can we talk?

Oh, my God! Hi!

- You're Tommy Owens!

- Yeah, yeah, thank you.

You're the Messiah!

You really are the Messiah!

You saved my fantasy team last year, bro!

- I'm a huge fan of yours.

- All right, that's good to know.

You have a good night.

- You're big in real life.

- Pleasure, man.

Look, can you help me out?

We have a friend in common. Chris.

- I'm looking for my buddy Ethan.

- Oh, sh*t.

- Hey!

- I'm sorry!

I'm sorry, I got it. I got it.

Oh, no.

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

- Are you okay?

Hey, it's glass, man.

Why you picking it up?

I'm just trying to help out, man.

- Come on.

- Oh, sh*t!

Holy sh*t!

I'm sorry!

The Jewish guy crucified the Messiah!

It was rabbi dancing motherf***er!

It's happening again!

Ethan! Ethan!

Diana!

Congratulations!

- No! Stop congratulating me!

- What? What happened?

Just go talk to Ethan.

Sh*t.

I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

I think he's gonna be fine.

Please, punch him in the face!

I thought the Messiah

preached forgiveness!

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