The Night We Never Met Page #4

So when you walk in past

the landscaped lawn area,

you'll get a feeling of vastness...

Of openness, if you will.

A chandelier above...

will light the way

toward...

the colonial-style living room...

with mock fieldstone fireplace.

Now, the bedrooms...

Uh, you ordered, uh...

Four.

Two boys and a girl.

Aaron means well, you know,

but it's just like the whole day

I felt like I was in

another time zone.

Yeah, like 20 years.

Do you want to stay

here for a while?

You're welcome to.

I keep trying to tell him, but it's

like he just doesn't want to listen.

Well, you've got

to do something.

You can't move out there.

I'm thinking of having an affair.

You're kidding.

You mean you're not upset?

Just let me know if

you want me to lie

or to cover or to stall... anything.

It's gonna be weird, though...

sleeping with another man.

God.

Can you imagine?

Promise to tell me what it's like.

It's been so long.

Yeah, like 29 years.

Well, ellen, you're 29.

Yeah.

So it can't have been 29 years.

It can't?

Not unless...

No.

Don't tell me.

What?

Oh, my God.

What?!

I'm sorry. It's just...

How can that be?

I don't know.

Talk to me.

Do you sell caviar?

I'm cheese.

Caviar's down there.

They told me that you...

you would know.

I'm kind of an institution

around here.

Um, all right,

what's the occasion?

Uh, well, one... it's a special

night with a special person.

And two...

I have champagne.

And, uh, three...

what goes with it?

Four... anything but tuna.

Oh.

Excuse me.

All right,

so much for jokes.

No, it was funny.

It was just...

Uh, how well does this special

person know his caviar?

Um, I'm not sure.

Well, how well do you know

this special person?

Well, we... we, uh,

live together.

Excuse me.

I'm double-parked.

I have some, uh,

overpriced beluga.

Oh, it's marvelous.

I had it last weekend.

And I have some California.

It's trendy, but so-so.

Or we just got a new shipment in

from China.

I've tasted it, and it's fine,

really fine.

Only thing is, nobody believes

that they make caviar in China,

so it's about half the price.

Mm.

It's a really special evening.

I know.

You'll take the overpriced beluga.

No.

Um... just give me enough

for two people,

and I think he eats a lot.

She trusts me.

She trusts me.

I'll take the overpriced beluga.

T.G.I.F.!

Wiggy.

Okay.

Let the game begin.

What? Buddha's not coming?

He watched the game already.

Great. We all agree not to watch it,

and he watches the game.

Ow! Why do you think these people

invented the VCR?

Hey.

What the f***?

What... I don't believe this sh*t.

Well, you must have set

it wrong... the timer.

Right.

Me... set a VCR timer wrong?

Well, Brian, does she look

like a linebacker to you?

Oh, sh*t.

The chick must have taped it.

Oh, Christ. this is some

sort of PBS thing.

PBS? We're f***ed.

Yeah.

Oh, sh*t.

I'm sorry, guys.

Fast-forward it.

...channel 21...

Chris Spunkhouser from

the Boston area.

Oh. Now, Chris is in a real...

Now they're gonna auction off

Leonard Bernstein's barcalounger!

I'm sorry, guys.

This is a nightmare.

you're losing control.

I'm really sorry.

Another?

Mm...

No.

I really shouldn't.

I'm about to have my first affair.

Oh.

Well, then you really should.

On the house.

Hey, everybody,

this lady's just about...

No. Shh.

Don't tell anybody.

I'm married.

Ah.

Are you nervous?

No.

Why?

I don't know.

Maybe a little, yeah.

Ah, don't be.

You look great.

You're gonna be fine.

My husband doesn't

understand me.

He never will.

You deserve better.

Do I?

Mm-hmm.

To the man who really

understands you.

Yeah.

To Brian.

# Sit right down

and let me tell you #

# What my love is to me

I do.

# It's gonna be just dandy

# The day I take my candy

# And make her mine,

all mine #

# The day I take my candy

# And make her mine,

all mine #

It's open.

Hi.

I'm Ellen.

Ellen?

Oh, yeah, the painter chick.

Well, come on in.

Uh, I'm sorry. you're expecting

someone, aren't you?

Oh, this?

Nah.

I had some company earlier,

but, uh...

They pussied out.

I was just, um...

in the neighborhood,

you know, and, um...

I forgot my umbrella.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Is it raining?

No.

But it's so hot and sticky out,

I wish it would.

It's funny, isn't it?

All this time living

together, and, uh...

We never actually meet.

Yeah.

But I liked your roses.

Oh.

Hey, um...

Could you?

Oh, yeah.

You know, uh...

You're exactly the way

I pictured you.

I am?

Mm.

So, Marty, you want to know

where I'm going tonight?

Did you tell him we were closing?

Yes.

Sorry, Ramon.

He's a kidder, Eddie.

Good night. Good night.

So, Marty, aren't you gonna

ask me what I'm doing tonight?

What's to ask? You go home,

you eat some tuna, you piddle. Unh-unh.

I got tickets to see Neil

Diamond at The Coliseum.

You're shitting me.

Look at that.

Scalper.

Ellen doesn't know about it.

I'm gonna go up to Lucy's

and get her... surprise her.

Wow.

Pow.

Something wrong with

the electricity in here?

No, no, no.

It's fine.

There's, uh, plenty between us.

Yeah, right.

Oh, that was sarcastic, right?

I shouldn't do that.

I...

God. I wish you had

your uniform on.

I love those little white skirts.

Um, you hungry?

I have some, you know,

caviar, champagne.

I'm, uh, just a little drunk.

That's okay.

I like that in a woman.

Oh.

Good.

Nah.

Come on.

What?

We both know why you're here.

Oh, sh*t.

Lucy!

Hi, it's me... Aaron!

Get my wife!

I got a surprise for her!

Oh, sh*t.

What?!

How sweet!

Uh, it's too bad.

She's, um, not here!

Where is she?

Where is she?!

Oh, she...

She had to go back to the city

all of a sudden!

A dental-hygiene emergency!

Oh, for crying out loud.

When was this?

Oh, God.

I don't know.

You know me!

I'm just... ecch!

Oh.

Uh...

I guess I better wait.

She's not gonna

want to miss this...

Neil Diamond.

Oh, you're kidding.

Um, w... um,

she left a number.

Maybe I can reach her.

Great.

Oh, look, how do I get this off?

Uh, it's really...

I mean, what is this...

Beat the clock?

All right, come on, baby.

Just let me lie down.

Just relax.

Shh.

Ay-yi-yi.

Man...

You came to play.

Good windup, good delivery...

good follow-through.

What?

Uh, just a little, uh,

play-by-play.

Can you, like, hold me

or something?

I thought we were done.

Okay.

You know, uh...

You're really a great f***.

I can't believe you just said that.

Oh, but it's true.

Mm.

No, I just...

I don't know. I guess maybe

I thought you were...

a little bit more romantic.

I guess I don't really

know you, and...

Brian McVeigh.

Dartmouth, class of '84.

No, I mean, I...

I guess I just had a different

image of you...

with your music and...

cooking and... furniture.

Yeah, it's nice stuff, huh?

Oh, "Beyond the Fjord. "

Wasn't this a good movie.

I really liked this.

I was so glad you

cut that ad out,

and I found it.

Right.

Me see a foreign movie?

It's bad enough I got to go see

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