The Normal Heart Page #8

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But he was so good.

He had such promise.

We're losing an entire generation.

Young men at the beginning, just gone.

Choreographers, playwrights,

dancers, actors,

all those plays that won't get written now,

all those dances never to be danced.

In closing, I'm just gonna say I'm mad.

I'm f***ing mad.

I keep screaming inside,

"Why are they letting us die?

(SOBBING) "Why is no one helping us?"

And here's the truth. Here's the answer.

They just don't like us.

(FAINT SOBBING)

- (WIND WHOOSHING)

- (BELLS JANGLING)

(MUSIC PLAYS FAINTLY)

(HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

FELIX:
I'm going to beat this.

I've always been lucky.

Good. That's the right attitude.

I wanted a job on The Times, I got it.

(CHUCKLES LIGHTLY)

I wanted Ned.

Have I given it to Ned?

I don't know.

One person has a cold, sometimes

the partner catches it, sometimes not.

Some doctors are saying

it's okay if we use condoms.

I know they are.

- Can we kiss?

- Felix,

you have nothing to fight back with.

You have no immune system to speak of.

Your body is now open to

every conceivable type of infection.

You must be careful.

I'm going to do my damnedest. So must you.

- I bet you say that to all the boys.

- As a matter of fact,

I do.

(SIGHS)

(FELIX GROANING)

FELIX:
Oh, God.

Oh. (BREATHING HEAVILY)

NED:
Once upon a time, there was a little boy

who always wanted to love another little boy.

One day, he finally found that love,

and it was wonderful.

I'm supposed to use gloves. I'm supposed to

do this. I'm supposed to do that.

I'm supposed to not kiss him.

FELIX:
I'm so sorry.

NED:
I'm not supposed to be only 45 years old

and taking care of a 35-year-old young man

who's 100 years old and dying.

(FELIX GROANING)

Emma calls it a seesaw.

He's fine. He gets sick. He gets better.

He gets sicker.

FELIX:
God help me. (SOBBING)

He's afraid I'll leave him.

I told him I wouldn't leave him,

that I never, for one second,

would think of leaving him.

But he doesn't believe me.

It's hard to believe in much these days.

But we must never stop believing

in each other.

I'm a mess. That's what I am.

You cry and you cry

until you think you can't cry anymore.

And then you cry some more.

(SOBBING)

Not only for yourself and Felix,

but for all the little boys

who finally found their other little boys

they've wanted all their lives

now that we're men.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

- GMHC.

- (TELEPHONES RINGING)

Estelle speaking. How may I assist you?

Someone needs a will.

Where's Ned? I want to speak to him.

- He's in the back.

- Here, give him this number.

GMHC.

GMHC.

Tommy, I think I got us maybe

four qualified social workers to volunteer.

They're all lesbians.

- Thank God for the lesbians.

- (CHUCKLING)

Your anus? Oh, Planet Uranus.

Thank you for sharing.

Mickey, why aren't you in Rio?

I put the phones on service.

You guys should get some rest.

We don't want any burn-out.

- TOMMY:
Good night, Phil. Thank you.

- Good night, honey.

- Night. Good night, sweetie.

- Bye, baby.

- Good work today.

- All right.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

Phil got diagnosed today.

Mickey, why aren't you on vacation in Rio?

I was in Rio. Gregory and I were in Rio.

I get a call from Hiram's office

saying I should be in his office

right away first thing this morning.

From Rio? What kind of meeting?

I get to City Hall.

Hiram keeps me waiting forever,

and finally the commissioner comes out

and he says

that Hiram doesn't want to see me anymore.

I wanted to scream, "I haven't slept

in two days, you dumb f***!"

But I didn't. Instead, I said, "Please, sir,

then why did he make me come

"all the way back from Rio?"

And he says, "Oh, I'm afraid

he didn't take me into his confidence,"

and he walks off.

Ned's article attacking Hiram just came out.

I'm not gonna lose my job

because Ned doesn't like himself.

What's that, Mick?

You keep trying to get us to say things

that we don't want to say,

and I don't think we can afford to make so

many enemies before we have enough friends.

Terry Spalding is calling all of his friends

from under his oxygen tank to say goodbye.

Tibby Maurer took an overdose.

Hal Schechter has got stumps for feet.

Frannie Santuzza has lost his mind.

Will you stop it? Just stop!

- Mickey, are you all right?

- I don't think so.

Why can't they find the virus?

Baby, it takes time.

I work all day for this city writing

stuff on breast feeding versus formula

and how to stay calm when you have herpes,

and at night, I work on our newsletter

and our health column for The Native,

and I don't... I just...

I can't take it anymore.

I have written about every single theory.

Repeated infection by a virus,

new appearance by a dormant virus,

single virus, new virus, old virus, multi-virus,

partial virus, latent virus, mutant virus...

TOMMY:
Okay. Okay. Take it easy, honey.

No, we mustn't forget about f***ing and

sucking and kissing and blood

and voodoo and drugs and paupers

and needles and Africa, Haiti, Cuba,

blacks, amoebas, pigs, f***ing Uranus!

What if it isn't any of them?

I don't know.

The Great Plague of London was caused

by drinking water from a pump

that just, nobody noticed it.

Maybe it's predisposition or there's just

the theory of the herd.

Only so many of us are gonna get it

and then the pool's used up.

What's if it's monogamy?

Bruce, you and I could actually be worse off

because of constant bombardment

from a single source, our lovers.

So maybe the guys who go to the baths,

maybe they've built up the best immunity.

I don't know. I don't know what to tell

anybody anymore, and everybody asks me.

Who's right? I don't know. Who's wrong?

I feel so f***ing inadequate.

How can we tell people, "Stop"?

It's just, I don't... it might be caused by...

I don't know. I don't know.

That's exactly how I feel.

And maybe he's right. And that scares me.

Neddy, you scare me.

You really think the President,

that he wants this to happen?

You really think the CIA

has unleashed germ warfare

to kill off all the queers

that Jerry Falwell doesn't want?

- Mick, try to hold on.

- To what?

I used to love my country.

The Native received an anonymous letter

describing top secret

Defense Department experiments

at Fort Detrick, Maryland,

that have produced a virus

that can destroy the immune system.

Its code name was "Firm Hand."

They started testing it in 1978

on a group of gays.

I never used to believe sh*t like this.

They're gonna persecute us.

They're gonna cancel our health insurance.

They're gonna put us into camps.

They're gonna quarantine us.

And you think that I'm killing people?

That is not what I said.

It is! You know you said it.

I've spent 15 years of my life fighting for

our right to be free and to make love

wherever, whenever, and you're telling me all

those years of what being gay stood for

is wrong and that I'm a murderer!

We have been so oppressed.

Don't you remember?

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