The Nutty Professor Page #3

I thought it would be

Me lovin' you

and you lovin' me

Ohh, you know you got-ta, got-ta,

got-ta close the door

Shut the hell up up there, goddamn it!

Sorry about that down there,

Mr. Wilson! Teddy P

turned up a little loud.

Quiet down up there!

There is a thin person inside

each and every one of us!

So give yourselves a big hug and say,

"Yes, I can!" Do that for me!

Thighmaster Plus is designed

to give you better results quicker.

I lost ten pounds in two weeks.

Thanks, Megashake.

Aaaaaah!

You're not pathetic!

People, pounds do not

lose themselves!

You have to work,

work, work!

Everybody, up!

Come on! Up!

You too at home!

Everybody up and say:

- Yes, I can!

- Say it again!

- Yes, I can!

Yes, I can! Yes-

- Quiet down, goddamn it!

- Sorry!

- Klump! Shut up!

- I can!

I'm so excited

And I just can't hide it

I'm about to lose control

and I think I like it

I'm so excited

And I just can't hide it

And I know, I know

I know, I know

I know I want you

We shouldn't even think

about tomorrow

Still hungry?

Sweet memories will last

a long, long time

We'll have a good time, baby

Don't you worry

- And if we're still playin' around

- Boy, that's just fine

- Help.

Let's get excited

- We just can't hide it

- Still hungry?

Oh, no

I know, I know, I know

I know, I know I want you

I want you

Oooh-hoo

Maybe you should try

Jenny Craig.

Oh, I want to love you

Feel you

Wrap myself around you

- I want to squeeze you, tease you

- One hand on you!

- I just can't get enough

- Whoo!

And if you move real slow

I'll let it go

I'm so excited

- Ooh-wee, and I just can't hide it

- No, no, no, no, no

- Yeah! Yeah!

- I know, I know, I know

I know, I know I want you

- Yeah!

I want you

Look what you do to me

- Yeah!

- You got me burnin' up

- Ohh-ohh-ohh-ohh now

Baby, I'm so excited

This is how we do it

Come on, come on, come on.

Right there.

This is how we do it

It's Friday night

and I feel all right

The party's here

on the west side

So I reached for my 40

and I turned it up-

- Oh!

- Excuse me. Hey!

- Professor K, how's it going?

- I'm good, David.

- What are you doin' here?

- Got a date.

You have a date?

Good luck, Professor.

Yeah, see you

next week now.

The guys and I

All the gangbangers-

Excuse me. Pardon me.

Sorry about that.

Oh! Oh! Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

- Sorry about that. Excuse me.

Sorry about that.

Excuse me. Excuse me!

- Thank you.

- Wow, these are

- great seats, Professor.

Oh, yeah. Listen,

don't call me "Professor."

Call me Sherman, all right?

Sherman.

Well, I'm glad

we did this, Sherman.

With a different type

of swing, you know

- Something for the honeys

- So am I.

- So am I!

- Something for the honeys

Here's the menu.

Ooh, summertime

No funner time

for me to kick it with you

To find something

someone-

- So you altered her genes?

- Yes, yes.

And if I hadn't done it,

Shelley would be in

hamster heaven right now.

Sherman, you are

absolutely amazing.

We do what

we can, you know?

Got to keep on tryin'.

Got to keep on pushin'

Something for you

and you

And for you

and for you.

Let's go. Let's go.

- Montell Jordan!

- They were wonderful.

Let's keep

this show rollin'.

- Ladies and gentlemen,

you've seen him...

- He was good.

On Def Comedy Jam many times.

Y'all give it up for

my man Reggie Warrington!

Give it up!

Watch me

Watch me

I got it, watch me

He sure is animated.

- Yeah

- What's up?

- I said, "What's up?"

- Hey!

- Women be shoppin', baby.

Women be shoppin'!

You can't stop a woman

from shoppin', baby!

That's true.

Women do shop.

It is true.

See what we got in here tonight.

Oh, my God!

She's unbe-weave-able.

Look at this.

Look like a head full

of curly fries.

Hey, look at this white dude

right here.

"What is a weave exactly?"

Huh?

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no!

Baby, no! She got

more extensions than AT&T.

- Excuse me. I'm gonna

go to the rest room.

- Oh, boy, I'm hot!

Sorry about that, ma'am.

Let me pick that up for ya.

Ooo-ooo-ooh!

It's a full moon tonight!

I think I found where

they hid Jimmy Hoffa!

- Excuse me.

Yeah, that's

a good one there.

You got more crack than Harlem.

Look at that!

Boy's so fat,

every time he turns around,

it's his birthday!

Got to put his belt on

with a boomerang.

Va-va-va-va! Bang!

Ah, yeah. Okay, all right, now.

That's it. You got me.

- No, I ain't got ya yet.

Should I get him?

- Yeah!

- Should I get him?

- Yeah!

Oh, look at this.

He's with a woman too.

- Oh!

- Oh, no!

Who is sucking

whose titties over here?

Last time this brother felt a breast,

it was in a bucket of K.F.C.

Extra crispy!

Every time he goes to

Sea World, they pay him!

He must be on that

new diet, Slim Slow.

He go outside with a red

shirt on, and all the kids

in the neighborhood say,

"Hey! Kool-Aid!"

Yeah, man, I bet I cut his fat ass open,

it'd bleed chocolate milk.

What would you do

for a Klondike bar?

Now we know what's eating

Gilbert Grape, don't we?

Thank you for dinner tonight, Sherman.

That was very sweet.

You're welcome.

Look, that comic tonight,

he was-

Sherman, you are

a brilliant man.

You have

a pleasant evenin'.

Good night.

His fraternity was having

this thing called Pig Day.

That's the only reason

he asked me out.

To make fun of you?

Why do we do this to ourselves?

Every time we get depressed,

we eat and eat and eat.

You go to the store and buy

those little candy bars in the bag,

and before you know it,

the whole bag is empty.

Then at the end, you feel

just like that bag. Empty inside.

- Don't you?

- It's okay. It's all right.

- Just get it all out.

- Say, "Yes, I can." Say that.

- Yes, I can.

- Yes, we can.

- Can we go to commercial?

- I want him prepped

and ready immediately.

- Yes, Doctor.

Call Dr. Matthews. I'm going to need

a lot of help on this one.

Let's move it.

You know the routine.

- Get that crash cart here stat!

- Blood pressure:

140 over 90 and rising.

- We need that I.V. Rig in now!

- I.V. Rig comin' in.

- Give me four cc's of Ambethol.

- I don't know how much more he can take.

We need the E.K.G. Cart

in here now.

- What's the status?

- He's getting fatter.

We can't stop it.

- Oh, my God!

- He's gonna explode!

- I'm getting out of here!

- Nurse!

Wait! Wait!

Aaah!

- What's goin' on?

Oh, my God! Get outta here!

Get outta here!

Hey, everyone, run for

the hills! It's Fat-zilla!

He look like

King Kong with titties.

Sherman! I brought you some

nice fried chicken, Sherman.

Oh, you look fabulous!

- Oh, my God!

He's gonna blow!

- Way to go, son!

That's my boy!

No!

Huh?

Shelley, you've been

the guinea pig long enough.

It's time to see if

this stuff really works.

Aah!

Aaah! Aaah!

Oh! Oh! I'm thin!

I'm thin! Look at my cheekbones!

I have cheekbones!

Yes! Look at my chest.

Look at my breasts.

I don't have breasts.

I'm an "A" cup.

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