The Nutty Professor Page #4

I don't need a bra anymore.

Oh, God! I'm thin!

I'm thin!

I'm thin! I'm thin. I'm thin.

Nothin' but air there

Nothin' but air there

My ass is gone now

I'm slim, slim, slim

Well, I'll be damned!

I can see my dick!

My dick! My dick,

my dick, my dick!

Oh, I feel good

- I can do stairs. I can do stairs.

- I knew that I would now

I am the stair master!

I feel good

I knew that I would now

You lookin' for any kind

of clothes in particular?

Spandex! All Spandex!

Where's the Spandex section?

Oh! Spandex!

Like this!

I feel nice

- Like sugar and spice

- No titties. No titties.

- I feel nice

- No titties. Not you, me.

I'm talking about me.

My titties are gone.

Your titties are lovely.

What's your name?

Everybody, I'm so thin.

I am thin. You ever feel thin?

I am thin! I am thin.

Hey, man, where's the apple pie?

When I hold you in my arms

I know that

I can do no wrong

And when I hold you

in my arms

My love won't do ya

no harm

- Tootsie Roll!

Get your tootsie! Whoo!

- And I feel nice

- Like sugar and spice

- So nice, so nice

I got you

I'm thin!

I'm thin!

- Excuse me.

- Hey!

- Is Professor Klump here?

- Professor Klump?

Sherman, Sherman Klump.

Uh, no, he had to take care

of some things, Miss Purty.

So I'm runnin'

this thing here.

- Do I know you?

- Do you know me?

Sherman didn't tell you about me?

- No.

- Oh, man!

Isn't that like Sherman

to hog all the credit?

I'm Sherman's confidante.

Have you seen him today?

I was wondering...

if he was all right

after everything that happened

at the club the other night.

Oh, Miss Purty,

it tore his chunky ass up.

It's strange that a man

as intelligent as Sherman

has no confidence whatsoever.

Makes me sick sometimes to think-

I'm always telling the man,

"Sherman, no matter what,

you've got to strut.

You got to suck in

your gut and strut."

- Me, personally,

I don't have that problem.

- Doesn't seem like you do.

You're just too feisty and too fine.

Me and you need to hook up.

We need to go to The Scream tonight,

have a couple of drinks...

and strut our respective stuff

together.

I don't even know your name.

Hey, buddy, what the hell

happened here?

See? Everybody

knows Buddy.

The professor must have got

a little carried away last night.

Oh! Officer Dagg,

I'm glad you came up.

He told me to tell you personally,

please thank your wife Claire...

for bringing that

upside-down cake for him.

He ate every crumb of it.

And can you have

someone from janitorial

clean up this mess, please?

Thank you, Officer Dagg.

Thank you.

- Buddy.

Buddy. Is that it,

or do you have a last name?

Love.

Love.

You see, Miss Purty-

There comes a time in

a man's life when he has to-

Miss Purty, people have

a tendency in life-

To always want to rush into things.

What I'm trying to say...

is, uh, there's a right time

and place for everything.

Like I said, there's

a right time and place

for everything.

Tonight would be a good time.

At The Scream would be

perfect to discuss it.

I'll see you tonight at 8:00.

Don't be late! Excuse me!

Whew.

Uh-oh.

Good morning.

Good morning, class.

Morning, students.

Good morning! Morning.

Good morning.

Uh, uh, you students just review

what we went over yesterday.

Professor, we weren't

here yesterday.

Well, then, um,

review the day before,

and tomorrow we'll do today.

That's it.

- Sherman!

- Oh, Carla. How are you?

I've been looking for you

all morning.

- Are you okay?

- I'm fine. Why you lookin' for me?

I feel bad what happened

at the club the other night.

It was my idea

to go to The Scream.

I've forgotten about that.

You forget too. That's over.

Go have a nice day.

There's something else.

I met a friend of yours

in your lab. Buddy Love?

Buddy Love.

He's quite a character, huh?

He asked me out,

and he said it was your idea.

Oh, did he?

Well, uh, I know you're new in town.

I thought it would be nice

for a new girl to get out,

meet some people.

- Did you find him attractive?

- Honestly, yes.

He's very handsome and athletic,

but I don't feel comfortable

talking to you about that.

You can talk to me about anything.

I want you to.

And I think you should definitely

go out with Buddy Love.

- You do?

- Absolutely. I don't think

there's anything wrong...

with two young people getting together

and having a good time.

So by all means,

do just that.

- You sure you're all right with that?

- Don't worry about me.

I'm just fine. In fact, I'll put in

a good word with you for Buddy.

Oh, my goodness. I'm so late.

Excuse me. I'll talk to Buddy.

You make it hard, long

soft, short

And be strokin'

I be strokin'

I strokin' through the east

and I'm strokin' through-

Hey, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Now you be careful.

If there's a scratch in the car,

there's a scratch

in your ass.

You are too fine to be givin' me

curbside service.

- I'm not. I'm leaving.

- We just got here.

No, you just got here.

I've been waiting for you

for almost an hour.

They say anticipation

helps make the appetite grow stronger.

- Anticipate a night alone.

- Hey, hey.

Let's just have a meal together.

Why you leavin'? You want me to beg?

I'll get down on my knees. I'll beg you

in front of all these people.

Think I care if these people

are watchin'?

I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I want

the world to know that I was late!

And I'm sorry!

My car ran outta gas.

I needed fresh drawers.

My mother's sick. The car broke down.

- Buddy, get up.

- Hear me out. I am sorry!

I don't know why

this is happenin' tonight.

Of all nights this has

got to happen to me tonight.

- Okay.

- Why? Why!

- Okay!

- Why?

- Okay, okay, okay.

- Okay. Good. Let's eat.

I am so hungry. Hey,

don't let the tears fool ya.

I'm a tooth chipper.

Six T-bones, five baked potatoes

and two servings of creamed spinach.

I have never seen anyone eat so much.

You are so lucky to stay so thin.

Luck has nothin'

to do with it.

It's a matter of recombinant

ribonucleic acids unzipped by

a radioactive guanine peptide.

- What does that mean?

- I don't know. I'm trying

to sound extra intelligent.

Got ya!

You gonna eat that?

Guess who's back

in the house.

From Def Comedy Jam,

my man, Reggie Warrington.

Give it up!

I hate this guy. I hate this guy.

He is so obnoxious.

Give the n*gger a chance.

Watch me

It's your world, dog!

I'm just a squirrel

tryin' to get a nut.

I've got somethin'

that makes me wanna shout

- What's up?

- What's up, n*gger?

- I said, "What's up?"

- Didn't you hear me when I say, "Hey"?

Boy, women be shoppin'.

Women be shoppin'.

You cannot stop

a woman from shoppin'.

- Let's see what I got

in the house tonight.

Oh, now, look at

this white guy right here.

You cannot tell me

he ain't got a small jammie.

Man, it's so small he needs

tweezers to take a piss.

He needs tweezers

to take a piss!

Tweezers on his dick!

Reggie's hot tonight. Uh-oh.

- Look at this. Look at this.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes