The Object of Beauty Page #2

Fifty, eighty. That's about right

to me, give or take.

Yes, when I say fifty to eighty,

or take is built in.

Now, what else is here?

Olives, tomatoes?

And what else?

Caper look-alike?

What would that cost?

- Not much.

So, not much for the flour and the

water and the chopped up vegetables.

Why is it what I'm paying for this

dinner is more than the national debt...

...of a third world country?

I don't know.

Is the wine expensive?

You know what I mean.

Couldn't you cook this?

We don't have a kitchen, Jake.

If we had a kitchen I could cook it.

We'll get a kitchen some day.

Anyway, since when do you care?

You've always said when it comes to

food, shoes and sex, price is no object.

Good shoes are important.

There's Larry.

- Where?

Coming up this way.

Hello, Tina. How are you?

- Fine. You?

Couldn't be better, except I wish

I were home in Westport.

Where are you staying?

Jonathan and Melissa asked me.

For a few days, I thought why not

skip the Savoy this time?

Their new house is beautiful.

Marble bathrooms from Italy...

Jonathan and Melissa. How are they?

- All right.

You never can tell.

She's put a little weight

and he's grown a beard.

Well, better that than the other way around.

Better that than the other way around.

Well, look after yourself, Tina.

What I was attempting to say is that...

...it would have been odd had she grown

the beard and he'd put on the weight.

But, maybe I didn't make it clear.

I said it twice to try and make sure.

Don't take it like that, Jake.

You don't care.

And you know he hates you.

- Why? I don't hate him.

You're very big hearted.

I'll always remember that.

Now that's a good idea, and it

doesn't cost anything.

Shut that bloody row.

Turn off that bloody racket

I'll call the police.

Turn it off or I'll come down and

sort you out myself, you bugger.

Please, turn it off.

Well thanks bloody much.

It's about bleedin' time, too.

I need mineral water.

Dark is best.

God, water.

Room service, please answer.

Please answer.

Hello? Is this the concierge,

hall porter or front desk?

Ah, Front Desk. There's an emergency

up here in Room 327.

Yes. Yes. Room Service does not answer...

...and we need a dozen bottles of

Perrier up here right away.

I know it's three o'clock in the

morning, but this is an emergency.

Trinidad rum punch, stingers,

red wine, champagne.

Jesus, how do you do it, Tina?

Tina, could we please do it

on the bed tonight?

Tina?

Tina? Where are you?

Help me, help me.

I'm frightened.

My clothes are coming off and there's

nothing I can do to stop them.

Are you covered for this, Jake?

Are you covered?

I think you better call your insurance man.

Oh, call him. Quick.

You don't really need my insurance man.

I can handle this fine.

Will you still love when I'm broke?

Good thing this isn't broke.

But let's fix it, anyway.

What the hell is that?

- Don't stop, baby.

Hang on I'm coming.

- Me too.

Jake.

What do you want?

A dozen mineral water.

- Jake.

Come on in.

I won't see any of that, sir.

That'll go to the waiters.

I'm a desk man.

- Oh, Jesus.

Can I come out now, Jake?

- No.

Do you have change for a 20 Pound note?

- I'm afraid I don't, sir.

Tina, do you have change?

I don't know. Look in my purse.

Where is your purse?

- I don't know. The floor?

It's over there, sir.

Under the...

Nothing smaller than a ten.

Give it to him.

- What, are you crazy?

Oh, Christ. Hang on.

Thank you very much.

Goodnight, sir, madam.

Boy, am I thirsty.

Double thirsty.

You're going to be very popular with

the lads in Room Service.

'Room 327, I'll take it up. I hear

she tips good and might be naked.'

Don't be such a prude. The human

body's a beautiful thing.

So? Flash for me.

64 days. I was counting.

That's the longest anything's

lasted in two years.

But you knew he really wasn't

the one for you anyway.

Just because he was married?

- No, of course not.

Because of those things I told you?

- Well, you said you liked that.

I didn't mind it, sometimes.

So, why then?

It's simple. He didn't wanna

spend money on you.

You could always tell. He'd get

you take-out Chinese...

...then tell you about the scuba diving

equipment he'd bought for himself.

That's not his fault.

I told him I liked Oriental food.

Men are such strange creatures.

Jake and I ran into Larry and Larry

pretended that Jake didn't exist.

So Jake wanted to be smart, which

made Larry ignore him even more.

Really, there's no difference between

grown men and little boys.

It's the same as it was in the sandbox.

Except for then they wanted to pull

your panties down in public.

You're so lucky with Jake, though.

He gives you everything you want.

I wanted to talk to you about that.

Will you promise, on your soul,

not to say anything to anyone?

Promise.

Jake needs some extra

cash for a scheme of his...

...and he wants to sell my Henry Moore.

- That's yours.

Of course it is.

But you can't trust men.

I'm afraid he might sell it behind my back.

I was wondering, if I brought it

to you, wrapped in a napkin...

...would you keep it for me for a while?

Well, he'd suspect, wouldn't he?

I mean, he knows we're friends.

Well, I could just say it was stolen.

You could just say you don't know

what we're talking about.

Okay. Sure.

It's simple.

Well, you were my first choice.

Maybe next time.

I will. Yeah.

Give ours to Vicky.

Right. Bye.

Jerk.

You take a long time, by the way.

- Well, it's worth it. Right?

Ah, my money.

I forgot my wallet.

In an elevator.

Those guys are everywhere.

He's retiring soon.

Collects stamps.

And my money, any day now.

Tina, honey, hurry up. The waiter's

waiting to see you naked.

Come on, before your stuff gets cold.

That was a witty thing to do.

- What was?

The little Henry Moore. It's gone.

- What do you mean?

Come on, Jake. Where is it?

What are you talking about,

'it's gone'?

Well, look. Look.

So, what? It's under the bed?

- Jake.

It's under Joan's bed?

- What have you done with it?

What have I done with it?

I didn't do anything with it.

It's gone. Right?

Okay. All right.

Let's just get the little

insurance thing started.

Great.

And if anyone's taken it

somewhere, it's you.

Let's remember, it was your idea

in the first place.

I will hand it to you, though.

You're sneakier than I thought.

No, maybe just as sneaky.

- Look, Jake. I don't know where it is.

Oh, sure. I believe you.

I trust you implicitly.

Oh, I can tell.

I guess we'd better call and

report it. Isn't that what you do?

I guess so. You're the guy.

You should known.

Just don't call me when they

send you up the river.

Likewise. Likewise.

And you don't know anything about it?

Okay here it goes.

Swear me.

- I swear. I swear. Let loose of me.

Could I speak with the Manager,

please?

Yeah. It's Jake Bartholemew,

in Room 327.

25,000 Pounds?

Insured?

- Oh yes, thank goodness.

Where was it kept?

Apparently on a side table,

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